my peaches and cream

A Big Tall Man

2012-02-24T13:25:00.001-05:00

First let me tell you about this picture.

Jayna's outfit consists of her Easter dress from 2 years ago that now resides in the dress up trunk, her "doctor sleeves," her Cinderella shoes, a ring for accessorizing and her "doctor headband." Her doll is actually a Belle doll who is wearing Cinderella shoes. Um...to match Jayna's shoes. Duh. And the bag is a bag of surprises because baby Belle was good when Jayna "doctored her."

See, in this picture, Jayna is dressed like a doctor. I'm sure that now that I point it out, it's apparent to y'all. Those are her doctor sleeves and headband. The sleeves resemble gloves. I was sure that the headband resembled a stethoscope, but I was wrong. Her explanation? "Doctors have to keep their hair out of their eyes so they can see good to doctor the kids." Fair enough.

The dress? Well, her pediatrician wears skirts, so I can see a little of a connection there. The shoes? Well, she's Doctor Cinderella, of course. She just can't understand why a grown ass woman such as myself can't understand her logic and she gets incredibly frustrated with me when I ask too many questions. If I had to put a number on "too many," I'd say it's about 5. If I ask anymore than 5 questions, things get short and heated and whiny. So I keep it at 4. These are the types of things you learn as a parent.

And now onto the point of this post.

I didn't include the picture because it has anything to do with the story I'm going to tell. I included it so that you all could get an understanding of the sweet little innocent face that I have to be honest with. It's difficult at times. I just keep telling myself that part of my job as a parent is to raise Jayna to be a functional member of society. Not only functional, but ONE HELL OF A MEMBER OF SOCIETY. I want her to be a force to be reckoned with. I want her to be strong and brave and fearless. Except when it comes to boys. She better just stay away from them.

Anyhoo...there's a story here.

Some pertinent information for understanding this story: Jayna has gotten too tall and too heavy for me to successfully in one motion lift her into a shopping cart. And of course she is NO help. She won't bend her legs so they'll go over the edge. She just says, "Lift me up higher, mommy." Because of this fact, if Chris happens to be with us, I have him lift her into the cart. She has inquired why I have him do this. I simply explained that he is taller than me and a little stronger, so it's just easier for him to do it. She seemed okay with that.

Also, she has recently learned the difference between grown ups and children. She knows man vs. boy and lady (NOT woman...NEVER woman) vs. girl. In the car yesterday morning on the way to school this conversation took place:

J: Mommy, daddy's 32 now, right?
ME: Yep. 32.
J: He was 31 last year, right mommy?
ME: Yes. He was 31 last year and now he's 32. That's how it works.
J: He's a big tall man now, right mommy?
ME: Yep. You're right. He's not a boy, he's a man. Good job!

So there's that.

And I'm FINALLY to the story. Hopefully atleast one of you is still reading.

Last night at bedtime, I was rubbing Jayna's back while lying with her and we were chatting. She likes for me to just lie there by her for a few minutes and talk. I oblige because I think it's the cutest thing EVER and I know there will come a time when she doesn't want to be anywhere near me. It's just the cutest thing to have her lie there beside me on her belly propped up on her elbows with her little chin on her fists just waiting for me to school her on a new subject. These are the focused times where she gladly listens to every word I'm saying and retains it all. We've learned about germs and the immune system and antibodies, deciduous and coniferous trees, photosynthesis and numerous other scientific-like things in these quiet dark times. I LOVE it. It is by far my favorite time of day.

She often wants to talk about what I do during the day. I make it sound as interesting as possible even though most days are fairly mundane. Let's face it...I have an office desk job. I push papers and such. It isn't that exciting. But she listens to me so intently that it actually makes me feel sort of like Batman. You know, my favorite super hero. The one who has no ACTUAL superpower, but is still considered a super hero because he is so brainy and crafty.

So last night she asked me, "Mommy, can we talk about your day? What did you do today?" This conversation ensued:

J: What did you do today?
ME: Well, I went to work. Then I sent a couple of emails and typed up some proposals. Then I answered the phone a few times and then completed some waivers and prequal information. And then...well, Jaynie, then I tried to do something I've never done.
J: What did you do?
ME: Well, I tried to design a company logo.
J: What's a company logo?
ME: A company logo is a picture or shape that tells you about a company. You know that big red circle with the small red circle inside it?
J: That's at Target mommy.
ME: Yes it is. That's Target's company logo.
J: It's a target mommy. (looks at me like I'm an idiot.) That's why it's their picture. (We've talked about that before. That's how she knew that.)
ME: Exactly. So I tried to make one of those for our company. Not a target, but our own special logo.
J: What did you make?
ME: Nothing! As it turns out, Jaynie, mommy is very bad at making company logos. BUT...that's okay! I can't be good at everything. No one can.
J: I'm good at everything.
ME: No, you aren't. You haven't even done everything. You're still too little to know if you're good at everything. You are good at lots of things, but not everything. NO ONE is good at everything.
J: But it's okay, right?
ME: Yes!! You don't have to be good at everything. And mommy isn't good at making company logos.
J: You can just have a big tall man do it!!

At this point I was at a loss. Did she REALLY think that just because I couldn't do something that I needed a big tall man to do it for me??

I immediately sat up and made her sit up too. I explained to her there aren't many things that a man can do that a lady can't. I then reversed it and told her that there aren't many things a lady can do that a man can't. But NO ONE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD has been good at EVERYTHING. And then it went this way:

ME: Making a company logo isn't something that needs a big tall man. Making a company logo makes you use your brain no matter if you're a man or a lady.
J: (tapping her skull) That's in here.
ME: Yep. And you use it for everything you do. And you have to have the right kind of brain to make things like company logos.
J: You don't have that kinda brain?
ME: Nope. I didn't know that until today, but you learn something new everyday.
J: Maybe my brain can make a logo.
ME: Maybe. And maybe daddy's brain can. But you don't have to be a man or a lady to make a logo. You can be either. And you can be a man or a lady to do ALMOST anything.

At this point there was a long pause. She was getting sleepy as I rubbed her back.

J: So....I'm not good at everything? And I won't be ever?
ME: I'm afraid not. But you keep trying. You keep trying new things to learn what you are good at and what you aren't good at. Because if you don't try, you won't ever know.
J: Like food. If I don't try it, I don't know if I like it.
ME: YES! That's exactly right. You should always try.
J: But...I won't be good at everything. And it's okay! I will be good at lots of things but prob'ly not logos.

At that point we said good night with a squeeze hug and a smooch.

I have a love/hate relationship with how well she seems to understand things. I love it because it helps us reason with her on a daily basis. I hate it because I have to have conversations where I explicitly have to tell her that she won't be good at everything and that she doesn't need a man to do things for her. But I do love it that she understood and seemed okay with that.

I don't ever want her to think that she needs "a big tall man" to do things for her. She loves her daddy more than anyone in the world and he is the best dad in the world. I told him this story and he laughed. I also told him that I want him to be her super dad but dangit if he can't just STOP sometimes and let her grow up to be a strong, confident, independent woman. He pointed out that I depend on him and that isn't a bad thing. We just both hope she eventually finds someone she can rely on like he and I rely on one another. We'd seriously be lost without each other.

So...ladies with daughters: Have you encountered this? Any thoughts, opinions, advice? How do I teach her the balance between relying on people who are worthy of being relied upon and being independent?

Little Girls at the Museum

2012-02-20T12:01:00.000-05:00

Back on December 16th of LAST year, we went to the Children's Museum with our dear friends Laura, Lee, Layla (3.5) and Levi (.5).

I'm JUST NOW getting around to blogging about it. I've been....busy. You know, doing stuff like going to museums and junk.

We went last year before Christmas too and mostly because PBS sucked Jayna into wanting to go on the Yule Slide. And I'm telling you...that slide is as much fun for grown ups as it is wee ones. We thought we'd load up again and go ride the slide again. And it was awesome.

Last year was a little frustrating. The girls were only 2 and while they were interested in some of the things (read: BARBIES), they couldn't DO many of the things. They were just a tad too small yet. This year was SO much better. If they were a little taller and could drive, they wouldn't have even needed us there.

There is a very cool new exhibit there also. It's a National Geographic exhibit called "Treasures of the World" or something. There is more interactivity in the one exhibit than there is in the whole rest of the museum. I mean kids like to LOOK at things, sure. But what they really want to do is DO things. They want to touch things and throw things and play with things and wear things. Especially the ones who can't read yet. That exhibit is a good teaching tool even if the child is at the non-reading age. The Barbie exhibit has things to do, but those are pretty much all things that little girls do at home. And we all know that it's no fun doing things at places like a Children's Museum that you ALREADY do at home almost everyday. How educational and/or fun is dressing a Barbie with rubber bands and pieces of fabric? Notsomuch. Just ask Layla and Jayna.

As always, the girls had a delightful time together and played well. No fighting. No arguing. No clinging to mommies. I think they're used to each other now and they get along so well. I hope Jayna has made a life long friend there. :)

And here's the proof that I'm not lying:

They're getting ready for a snowball fight in the Jolly Winter Days exhibit. It was super intimidating for both of them. Too many older kids acting like jackasses.

Lee and little Levi saying hello to Santa.

YULE SLIDE!!!!!!

GERONIMO!!!!

Fossil digging in the DynoSphere. This picture reminds me of Bubba and Forrest. "I'll lean against you and you lean right back against me. That way we don't have to sleep with our heads in the mud."

More digging. They spent about 30 minutes in there.

Dinosaur costumes! They were so cute as little dinos.

This is part of the NatGeo exhibit. You put all the pieces of a mummy's tomb together and then it lights up and makes big scary noises and shit. Pretty cool.

Part of NatGeo. Me being a scuba diver. :)

Tiny scuba divers!! I can't take it! :)

Under the glass exhibit. They laid there for all of 30 seconds. Probably because much longer and they'd both have been asleep.

Hand holding in the Barbie exhibit. Darling. :)

Playing Barbie stuff.

OWNING that Barbie runway.

Lee looks giant on that slide. This picture is hilarious to me because of that.

Jayna wants that slide in our house. We live in a ranch style house. Go figure.

Playing with the huge snow globe. Silly girls. :)

If you have kids, TAKE THEM TO THE NATGEO EXHIBIT!! It is so much fun and education in one! And if you do end up going, call us. We'll meet ya there. :)

For Shame!

2012-02-14T12:18:00.000-05:00

I know, right?!?

Two stinkin' months of no posts. Sorry, y'all...I needed a break.

My plan is to be back on a (atLEAST) once weekly blogging schedule by the beginning of March. It seems that I have no concept of time management lately and I'm not sure what is going to need to be done to remedy that. The train VERY APPARENTLY derailed, but I'm not schooled in putting trains back on tracks or whatever, so I'm still doing research on how to do that.

I wanted to do a quick check in to let all of you regulars know that I am indeed alive and well and that I'll make sure you don't miss out on all of the junk that was my holiday season and the things that have come after that. My life needs rearranging and you all will be a huge part of that also.

Some things that need work:

I am quitting with crochet until further notice. I just can't juggle crochet hooks right now.
I haven't done any form of scrapbooking since sometime in 2010. That is stupid crazy. I LOVE that hobby and I am super freakin' sad that I've neglected it for that long. To deal with this, I've started a system called Project Life. If you have any interest in preserving memories, but aren't really a scrapbooker, I HIGHLY recommend this system. All you have to do is buy the parts to the kit, take pictures and get them printed out and stick them in the page protectors. The page protectors are sectioned off and are designed for 4x6 photos...one a day. BUT YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TAKE ONE A DAY. It is also designed to be done weekly. You also can buy little cards where you can write small snippets of your week on and then add them to your pages. I also have added a tag from clothing, a card, an invitation, etc. Super easy and efficient. When you are a parent with a job and have lots of other obligations, efficiency is the name of the game.
I am doing P365+1. I take (atleast) one photo a day, ordinary or special, with my iPhone and I put it into my Photo 365 app. This helps me with Project Life. I certainly need help with my memory and this is the perfect app for that.
I installed the Blogger app on my iPhone. I'll just admit it now: I DO MORE THINGS ASSOCIATED WITH PICTURES/INTERNET/SOCIAL NETWORKING WITH MY IPHONE THAN I DO WITH A CAMERA AND A COMPUTER COMBINED. I haven't taken one single picture with my actual camera all year. I haven't needed to. My iPhone is right there. Handy. Easy. No fuss. And I can upload or save my photos to 10 different places via my iPhone. No uploading photos to a computer, etc. I LOVE IT.
If my iPhone dies, I probably will too. Just a note to myself. :)
The fact that I do so many things from my phone has inhibited ONE aspect of my life: Blogging. I miss blogging, but it's so dang many steps to turn on my home computer, go to my blogger account, type a post, find all my photos and figure out how to get them to the computer I'm working on and then publish and then link to Facebook. Now that I've figured things out, I can do all this from my phone. This will result in more but shorter blog posts. Y'all can live with that, right?
My good friend MZQ and I are planning to start (very soon, I hope) a weekly topic and linkup situation where we blog about a topic and...get this...LINK up to one another. If I'm reaching any other bloggers out there, please let me know if you'd like to be a part of this. We don't have any topics yet, but I'm assuming they'll be across the board topics that range from funny to serious to opinion to stories. I hope she's thinking the same here. :)

So that's how I'm rollin' this year. I used to use my blog to preserve my memories. I am now doing that more privately, but I still want to include you all in that process. Stay tuned for some ACTUAL blogging.

Loves to you all. :)

Every Picture Tells a Story

2011-12-09T11:28:00.001-05:00

I like to take pictures. And then never upload them to the blog. It sort of fits with my lazy procrastinator sitch. That would explain why I'm about 6 months behind on my Six Pix posts. Umhmm.

So...anyhoozy. Here are some phone pics.

Only in America, people!! A product called Forever Lazy. It even has a zippered flap on the butt and a two-way zipper on the front so you can do ALL of your business without taking it off. Matching slipper socks included.

So I was in Best Buy yesterday and THIS was on the shelf next to some curling irons that will apparently make you look like Bella or that other nameless, faceless chick from Twilight. Really, people?? We're now marketing flat irons to dudes with the word "Sparkle" on the box? I also love how it's a "detailer" and not a flat iron. The person who came up with this marketing strategy needs to be fired. Immediately.

We get to watch all of Jayna's dance classes through a big window. There are pros and cons to this. The pro is that it is the funniest thing EVER to watch little girls do dancing. The con? Well, I get to see all the weird things Jayna does in a crowd of little girls. These things include but are not limited to picking nose, pulling skirt up to under armpits, pulling skirt all the way off, wearing skirt like toga, picking 87,421.5 wedgies out, playing with hair barrette. And the best thing is that ALL THE OTHER PARENTS CAN SEE HER TOO. (I'll leave out all the disgusting/hilarious/weird things that all the other little girls do that I can see also.) On this particular day, she had yanked her skirt up to her armpits and the dad sitting next to me completely lost it. I thought he was going to fall out of his chair. So I stood up, did the 2 fingers to my eyes to her (the "I'm watching you" sign) and then motioned THRU the glass this EXACT sentence, "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, LEAVE THE DAMN SKIRT ALOOOOOOOOOONE!!!!!" It obviously embarrassed her. So she gave me the sassy/sad combo to make me feel bad. It didn't work...mostly because that made the dad next to me laugh even harder.

This was the first day of jazz class. She pays more attention in this class than she did in ALL her other classes combined. Here she is learning to gallop to the side. Whatever that's called in jazz, I haven't the slightest idea.

She found these goggles in my brother's basement the day we went to my nephew's birthday party. Jayna is very good about sharing. NOT THESE GOGGLES. I don't know why, but she attached herself to the goggles and wouldn't let anyone else have them. Her Aunt Summer even let her take them home. She still wears them from time to time when she "fixes her toys."

This is our Christmas tree. We had to buy a new one this year because most of the lights on our old one shorted out this year. I was nervous that the tree would catch on fire and then all Jayna would ever remember about Christmas would be "that year our Christmas tree and all the decorations and presents went up in flames." I can't take that chance, so new tree it was.

Jayna and I made these reindeer pops. I saw the picture on Pinterest and this was my thought process: "All we'd have to do is melt some chocolate and dip the marshmallow on a stick in there and then poke the pretzel antlers in and put on the nose and eyes and VOILA!! Reindeer. Quick for Jayna's attention span and easy for my sanity." Um...no. Do you know what happens if you dunk a room temperature marshmallow in piping hot chocolate sauce?? THE MARSHMALLOW MELTS. And do you know what happens if you try to poke pretzels into a marshmallow? IT JUST FALLS RIGHT OUT OF THERE. And then if you try and put the eyes and the nose on there too quickly before the chocolate is hardened a bit? THEY SLIDE RIGHT OFF. He's so special though. :)

For those of you who know me, it takes more than a little marshmallow melting/antler falling off/eyes and nose sliding off to discourage me and to make me scrap a craft project. So I perservered and made some changes to my methods and got them looking like this one by the third one. I think they're adorable. And tasty as all get out!! (I'm channeling my mom there.)

Here she is practicing one of the many ballet type moves that I don't know the name of. You'd think after umpteen years of French in high school and then 4 years of Latin in college that I'd be able to pronounce and remember a few foreign words. Well...you thought wrong. The truth is that the moment Jayna told me she hated ballet, I quit listening to what the moves were called. I had NO IDEA they'd come back to haunt me in jazz class. That'll learn me.

She just tries so hard to pay attention and do what the teacher is doing. But do you see those 3 kids back there in the corner? They're crazy and distracting and Jayna always somehow gets stuck in between them or around them or something. If my kid were acting like a lunatic and never listened to a teached, I'd yank her outta there so fast and give her a good talking to. But no. That takes effort on the part of these teenybopper parents.

We went to BDubs with my dad last weekend and Jayna decided to play marker cap fingers. Then she randomly looked at me and said, "Mommy, take my picture. It will be funny because of my marker fingers." And so I did. And it was good. :)

What have y'all been up to? I love how each of these photos brought a story. It makes me smile to share my ridiculously mundane life with you people. I'll try and give you photos with weird stories more often. Shouldn't be too hard...I love a weird story. :)

Five For Friday: Random Holiday Things

2011-12-09T09:47:00.001-05:00

Hi everybody!!!

I'm...a lazy procrastinator.

Everytime I say "Hi everybody!", I feel like I just HAVE to follow up with "I'm Dr. Nick."

Hey...I live my life for song lyrics and movie/television quotes. I don't judge you, so watch it.

Anyhoo, today I went with "lazy procrastinator." For obvious reasons. I can't seem to get it together and take pictures and blog and upload to Facebook and such. Just. Can't. Do it.

The one good thing that has come from my absence from the blog world and from photo-taking is that I am dead center of LIVING my life. I'm here in the present. I'm doing things with Jayna and with Chris and with my family and loving every minute of it. It's so great to not feel obligated to stop and get a picture. It's...liberating. I think I said that in my last post, but it was so long ago that I can't really remember.

What I DO remember between my last blog post and this one is:

I still have a love/hate relationship with Christmas music. There are a few songs that I will always love, but far more that I will ALWAYS cringe upon hearing. One of those is "I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus" by The Jackson Five. I am a firm believer that that is one of the songs on the soundtrack in hell.
We are going strong with our Elf on the Shelf, Finnegan, and Jayna is having a great time with it. I'll write an entire post about it soon. She is sort of skeptical about how he moves around and does things. She said this morning, "Mommy, Finnegan is a toy...how does he move around?" She's onto me!!! Deny, deny, deny!!!
I have stood up to my handmade/small business/homemade Christmas list very well. Of course, some people you just can't give all handmade things to. Like a 9-year-old boy. He needs books and sports things and funny t-shirts. And like a 3-year-old girl. She needs princess things and Adele CDs and dresses (that don't cost me an arm and a leg). I am making many things (baking, crocheting, crafting, etc.) and I've purchased many things from Etsy that are handmade and VERY AWESOME. I'll have to share said gifts after the holidays. I've also tried to be very thoughtful in my gifts instead of just buying things to be buying them. The thing about making things? I actually have to DO it and stop procrastinating. It's only 16 days/2 weekends until Christmas. YES...I DID just do that.
We've begun tumbling and jazz dancing. Jayna loves both and she is doing better in these than she did in the previous ballet and tap classes. I think she's finally just caught on to what a dance routine and rhythm really are. And tumbling? She'll do flips and walk on a balance beam anyday!
Next Friday we're going to The Children's Museum for our annual (okay, it's only the second year, but whatever) Yule Slide/Winter Wonderland visit. Our friends Laura, Lee, Layla and the new addition, Levi are going with us also. The girls will have fun again and the adults will like the slide better than the kids...again. :)

I will be posting some photos soon (you know, the few I take with my phone).

Are YOU done with your Christmas list?

Five for Friday: Holiday Thoughts

2011-11-18T11:11:00.001-05:00

Man. Where the hell have I been?!? What the hell have I been doing?!? Well, life. I've been doing life. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

I struggle between making sure things are down right PERFECT so they look good in the photos and actually being PRESENT in my life. I've found that when I'm pushing for things to look a certain way so that I can remember them, I miss things that should absolutely NOT be missed. And seriously? The photos are hardly EVER representative of what actually happens. I'd rather remember things for what they are then for what I WANTED them to be. I want to be present. To not miss out on things. I want to remember because I was there...not because of some photo that was staged.

That, my friends, is one of the main reasons for my absence from blogging. I try to keep up with the blog. I try to keep people reading. But I also need to be there in my life doing things like playing Barbies with my kid...because she NEEDS someone to brush their hair properly, people. If I'm blogging or trying to stage photos, HOW WILL THOSE BARBIES LOOK FANCY?!? Yeah, you tell me.

The truth is that Jayna and I have been having so much fun. We've been playing and crafting and making flarp and cooking together. Dudes...I am REALLY going to miss 3 years old. I mean really miss it. I find myself so concerned with keeping the house cleaned and making the kid eat at the dining room table instead of in the living room and doing the laundry and blogging and taking pictures and...and...and making the kid wear clothes in the house and be nice to her imaginary friend and NOT yell at that dog that I often forget to just...............STOP. (Collaborate and listen. I know most of you were thinking that anyway.) STOP and play. And listen. And teach. And smile. For the love of all things...just SMILE!!!

Jayna brings me so many smiles that I can't even count 'em. She makes me laugh. She makes me cry tears of bittersweetness because she won't be like this forever. She makes me remember what it's like to be a kid. And I won't be distracted at this time.

Of course I'm still going to take photos. That's never going to end. Should it matter that most of them are iPhone photos? No...it shouldn't.

I'll still blog. I have too many random things to say to not write stuff down.

I'm just 100% COMPLETELY FINISHED with feeling guilty about how I do or do not do these things. The end.

Well, the end of that anyway.

The holidays have brought the above epiphany. I will be DOING this holiday season instead of RECORDING. I'm sure things will be recorded, but not in the capacity of past years.

I now present to you: Five for Friday: Holiday Thoughts:

I am sick and tired of putting my heart and soul into making gifts and/or putting tons of thought into buying gifts for people and them not being AT ALL appreciative. I'm not saying that I expect people to cry, send me a Thank You card, faint...I'm just saying this: THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE WHEN I GIVE YOU A GIFT SAYS MORE THAN YOUR WORDS EVER WILL. That being said, I refuse to let just a FEW people that I give gifts to ruin my holidays by making me think I just have to hand them cash. Not. Going to. Happen. I have a 3-year-old to teach. I want her to learn that gift-giving doesn't have to be about money. Gifts can cost a million dollars or nothing at all...it's thoughfulness that is important. If you DO happen to get a monetary gift, you should think of this as an insult. And it will only be five bucks.
I will not stress over whether or not people have a good time at my house. This one is going to sound a little harsh. If I invite you over for a holiday and you actually come, then there is NO complaining about the food, the activities or the lack of things like watching TV. If you don't like my mashed potatoes because they're made of red potatoes and are chunky, then DON'T EAT THEM. I happen to LOVE them that way.
I am trying my best to be thoughtful with gifts this year. Not just thoughtful to the person receiving the gifts, but thoughtful about where I buy them. I am making many of this year's gifts. Jayna will be helping me. She LOVES to help me do things. It makes my heart sing. :) I am also buying many handmade things from Etsy and from local businesses. I will not buy ONE SINGLE GIFT at Walmart this year. Let it be heard.
I will be introducing our Elf on the Shelf, Jimmy, right after Thanksgiving. I am so excited to put thought into what I want this elf to do. I have some very good ideas that I think Jayna will LOVE.
I plan on DOING more things this year with family. We did so many awesome things around the holidays when I was a kid. We went to the Circle of Lights show downtown. We went to plays. We went shopping together and made cookies together and made ornaments. We strung popcorn and played in the snow. I have so many good memories of the holidays and I'm eager to start our own traditions as a family that includes a little girl.

What is YOUR holiday mission statement this year? I'd love to hear from all of you.

Five for Friday: I don't even know.

2011-11-04T12:04:00.000-04:00

I really don't have time to blog anymore.

I feel bad because this is my main source of recording memories since I've taken a hiatus from scrapbooking. You know, because I didn't have time to do that either.

We won't mention the fact that there is so much random shit stacked up in my scrapbook area that I can't even access most things. Oh...and the paid bills that need to be filed and the old bills I pulled out to shred to make more room for the paid bills that need to be filed. This could go on and on and on...but I won't bore you with the details.

Anyhooters, I feel like I should atleast update y'all on all the crazy junk that goes on at my house. As if you care about that. :)

Jayna has been sick. She has a sinus infection. I was home with her most of the day on Monday. Since Halloween only comes once a year, we let her go trick-or-treating to about 10 houses. She'd had enough after that and she had a really bad night. I ended up staying home with her on Tuesday also. When Chris came home on Tuesday, he went STRAIGHT outside to clean up leaves. I, on the other hand, remained in the house with the kid. Jayna wanted to go outside and since it was 70 degrees outside...I LET HER. SICK AND ALL. We were going crazy. Seriously. On Wednesday, I went back to work. I was ecstatic. While I enjoy the fact that I have a job that is flexible enough so I can stay home with a sick kid, after a few days with Whiney McWhinester, I'm ready to cry. When I picked Jayna up from school, she threw a fit before we were even out of the parking lot. When we got home, I set her up in the living room with her toys and a show and then I promptly lifted the glass in the screen door and went outside to rake leaves. I had to be away. Just...away. When Chris came home, he made fun of me for using a regular rake instead of our leaf blower/mulcher/vac. He said, "Just go in. I'll finish this." I looked him right in the eye and said, "I'M NOT GOING IN THERE." He apparently understood what was going on and quickly showed me how to use the leaf vac. I stayed out there until 6:30pm. And I vacuumed a pile of leaves into the shape of boobs. Don't worry...they had on a bra.
Jayna got a Fisher Price kid's camera for Christmas last year. It was...well, let's just say that it doesn't work the way Jayna wants it to. It doesn't have a flash and the lighting in our house sucks, so most things she takes a picture of (read: the black and very quick dog Ollie) just look like a blur. Also? The button you push to take the pictures fell off and we have to keep putting it back on. Also? I have to change the batteries in it after every 15 pictures or so. Well, last week, she was trying to take a picture of a bug on the screen door. It was dark outside. She kept taking the picture and then looking at the screen of the camera to see if she got a good picture. They all just looked like black pictures. She got so mad that she couldn't even form a sentence. She threw the camera down on the floor and this is what I got from her: "Mommy, that dang camera!! It...I can't...all my pictures don't work. I can't see the bug...I...THAT DANG CAMERA!!! It is....the button broke....and the batteries...why are the batteries out? You changed 'em 1 day ago...THAT DANG CAMERA, MOMMY!!!" It was really sad and really funny at the same time. I simply said, "Yes, I know, Jayna. That camera hasn't worked right since you got it." She looked up at me very satisfied and said, "Yeah, mommy!!! You're right!! I'm gonna tell that to Santa." I'm glad I can be there for her to help her express herself. :)
Jayna thinks that the singular of ear wax is ear whack. This is the most hilarious thing I've ever heard. Seriously. She tells me, "Mommy, I think I have a whack in my ear." And I die laughing every. Single. Time. That is all.
Jayna's new speech patterns include "I would like..." or "Would you like..." It makes me proud because I've been trying to teach her that for sometime. Instead of, "Mommy, I want a snack!!!" I make her ask me again like this: "Mommy, I would like a snack, please." Now, I don't expect her to do this all the time or anything, but I think it's important that she know how to speak in a proper way. And she's learning. Now she says everything that way. "Mommy, I would like pizza for dinner." "Mommy, would you like to color with me?" "Daddy, would you like to dance with me?" It's pretty cute. :)
Jayna has been making the decisions of which toys she wants to "give to the babies" when she gets some new things for Christmas. I have been explaining to her that she is getting bigger and likes different things than she did when she was little. And since she doesn't play with some of her toys anymore, that maybe she could give some of them to other kids who would actually play with them. Well, she interpreted that to mean that all the toys she gets rid of are going directly to little babies. She regularly brings me things and says, "Mommy, I don't play with this anymore. Can we give it to the babies?" It's pretty funny. I'm glad she's learning the idea of charity, but I'm not sure how to explain to her that all of her things aren't going to a rogue group of babies. I think I'll leave that one alone for now. There will be time to explain all that when she's older.

That's all I have. You?

Five for Friday: This Will Only Make Sense to Some of You

2011-10-21T11:39:00.000-04:00

Within the past few weeks, it seems that Jayna is more in tune with her emotions.

I know I've said in previous posts that she IS emotions, but now the emotions are the result of her thoughts and not just emotions to be having emotions.

It's interesting to watch her emotions and her critical thinking skills evolve. The good thing about this is that we are more successful in reasoning with her. The bad thing about this is that she is more successful in reasoning (and bartering) with us.

I'm pretty sure Jayna is going to grow up to be a con artist. Hopefully she can be one of the Ocean's 11. I love those guys. And Tess.

Anyhoo...

I have a handful of funny stories that illustrate my point above. They are sort of random. Some are funny and some are sort of bittersweet. And if you are on Facebook, you've heard a few.

I present to you, kind readers: Five for Friday: Stories About Jayna That Are Related But Not In A Way That You Can Really Tell.

A couple of weeks ago, Jayna was going potty. She is learning to use the toilet without her little potty seat on there, so it really looks like she's just going to fall in there at any moment. She usually holds onto the side of the toilet to balance herself, but on this particular evening, she was relying solely on her muscles to hold herself there. I said to her, "Jayna, don't fall in!" She replied with, "I won't, but if I did, you'd flush me down!!" She laughed for a minute and then she looked up at me and said, "And then you wouldn't see me anymore and you would have to get a new Jayna." That caught me totally off guard. I said, "But I don't want another Jayna. You are unique and there can never be another you. And no, if I flushed you down, we wouldn't see you anymore, but you wouldn't see mommy or daddy anymore either." She looked down and thought about it for a minute. She then looked up at me with gigantic tears in her eyes. "I don't wanna flush down. I wanna see you and daddy!!"
Yesterday, it was super windy outside. When I dropped her off at preschool, I told her, "Jayna, I'll pick you up after school...if I don't blow away!!" She just shrugged it off and said, "It's okay mommy. Daddy will pick me up." I chuckled at her because we do tease one another a lot. As I was opening the door to leave, I feel a jolt and a little someone tightly grab my leg. She looked up at me, quite teary, and said, "Mommy, I was teasing you. I want you to pick me up. Don't blow away, please."
One of my favorite (and slightly evil, now that I think about it) things about kids not really knowing the succession of numbers is their inability to properly haggle. When Jayna is screwing around at dinner, I regularly give her the "You can't get down until you eat 4 more bites." threat. Her usual sassy response used to be, "NO MOMMY!!! FIVE BITES!" To which I reply, "Fine...5 bites." And then I laugh when I turn my head. Well...she now KNOWS number succession. She knows when to go higher and when to go lower without fail. One morning she wanted me to read her some stories. "Mommy, can you read me 5 stories?" I replied, "No, I can read you ONE story. We don't have time for anymore." "But mommy...I want 5." I tried to keep my cool. "Jayna, we have time for 1." "Okay, mommy. How about 4?" "No, Jaynie...2." "No, mommy...4." "No, Jaynie...3." "Okay mommy...3." She then laughed hysterically and said...STRAIGHT TO MY FACE..."Ha. I get 3 stories instead of 1." And in my head, I said, "WHAT IN THE HELL JUST HAPPENED TO ME?"
Jayna's favorite singer is Adele. She loves all Adele songs. She knows words to the songs. She knows what the backup singers are singing. She knows the order of the songs. It's crazy. She has even begun listening to Adele in her bedroom. This morning she went into her bedroom and got the CD so we could listen to it in the car. She said to me, "Mommy, can the Adele CD just be mine now? I won't drop it. Ever." I replied, "Well, I like Adele too. And I think we'll just keep it with all the other CDs and you can use it whenever you want." She wasn't happy about that. "But I really really really like it and I bet you only really like it. And you have money and can buy a new one. I don't." I found that point difficult to argue. "But why would I want to buy another one when we have one already?" She thought hard about that one. "So you can listen to it in the living room and I can listen to it in my room. We have 2 rooms, you know." Geez...I guess I'm a dumb mom now. I don't even know we have more than one room in the house. :)
A few weeks ago, my mom sent home some sheets of stickers with me for Jayna. Jayna LOVES stickers and has been known to decorate our house with them. When we got home, I gave her the stickers with the usual warning, "Do NOT stick them on the furniture, the walls or your books. If you do, I'll throw them all away." She is normally, at this point, very good about it. She played stickers while I prepared some dinner and then she moved on to dressup. It should be said that when Jayna plays dressup at our house, I let her just wear her panties under her dressup clothes. She came to me to zip up her dressup dress and then went about her business in her room. A few minutes later, she came into me and asked me to unzip the dress. I unzipped it and helped her take it off. She turned to face me and I see......2 smiley face stickers. ONE ON EACH NIPPLE. "Jayna...why did you put stickers on your boobs?" She was ready with a response, "You told me not to put them on the furniture, the wall or my books. So I put them on my booms. They fit." Holy. Crap.

I love telling these stories. I feel like I'm including all of you in the growing up process that is Jayna. She is picking things up, not just words and letters and stuff, but CONCEPTS, at the speed of light. This makes me proud of her but it also makes me wonder what I'm in for when she's a little older. For now, I'll just keep laughing and being completely amazed. :)

TMFYI: I PROMISE she isn't a boy.

2011-10-05T11:02:00.001-04:00

**I'm sure this will offend someone, so if you are uncomfortable with poop jokes, do not read any further.**

I'm going to start out with this:

I just want you to remember the girly sweet face that came up with this story. Because if I wrote this without pronouns and you didn't know Jayna was a girl, you'd swear it was a conversation I had with a 6-year-old boy. NOT a sweet little 3-year-old non-ballerina.

And on a sidenote, I WILL blog about the ballet. Her last class is next Monday, so expect to hear about it after that.

Last night at the end of bathtime, I let out the water and Jayna was dillydallying in the tub. I reminded her SEVERAL times that the water was going down the drain and she'd soon just be sitting in an empty tub. She just...wouldn't get out.

This was the conversation that ensued when I started to lose my patience:

Me: JAYNA. It is TIME to get OUT of the tub. Come on. It's bedtime.
(she then leaned back on her elbows in the empty tub, pulled her legs up by her ears as FAR as they'd go and began to inspect her...ummmm....area.)
Jayna: Mommy...what do you think my poopoos are doing down there?
Me: ................(stunned silence)...................
Jayna: They're prob'ly just stinkin' and playin'. I think they wanna go outside in a minute.

I then had to leave the room to lose my mind. I laughed so hard I almost peed myself. I told Chris and he said, "Well, maybe that means she has to poop."

I got her out of the tub, dried her off and we did bedtime routine: jammies, hair combed, book. We went back to the bathroom to brush her teeth and go potty. She got up on her stool to brush her teeth and I asked her if she had to poop.

Jayna: No, mommy.
Chris: I thought your poopoos wanted to go outside to play?
Jayna: They're out there now, daddy. Oh...they're comin' back in. Come on poopoos. (as she motioned to her butt for them to "get back in.")
Chris and I: (laughing hysterically...I even had to leave the room)
Jayna: There. Now they're back in there stinkin' and playin'.

Now...scroll back up to that picture.

That sweet little girl came up with that. And she was as serious as could be about it. I'm not sure how she kept a straight face through it all, but she did.

I think I'm screwed. And at this rate, I won't need a little boy around to learn all about the gross stuff. Jayna's got that covered just fine.

Five for Friday: LOL

2011-09-30T14:05:00.001-04:00

You probably think that LOL stands for "laugh out loud."

Well, you're wrong. Way wrong.

According to my almost-9-year-old nephew, it means "little old lady." And that's what I'm writing about. Little old ladies.

My favorite LOL...Sophia Petrillo.

I like little old ladies. Except when they're driving. Or walking in front of me at a rate of 1 mile per 5 years. Or counting out pennies to pay for 37 bucks worth of Depends and BenGay. Other than that, I just love them.

I'm beginning to find that I am more like a LOL than I care to admit. Except for RIGHTNOW...seeing as how I'm admitting it to the WHOLE INTERNET and stuff. I'm finding that I am quickly losing touch with my age group and relating more and more to the 70-year-old crowd. Yikes.

And here it is - Five for Friday: How I Channel My Inner (or Outer) LOL:

I have a pill box. There are no actual medications in there though. Only vitamins...and only one of those is prescribed. I have been put on a very strict vitamin regimen by my doctor because of a lack of vitamin D...which can be a big problem if I don't get it under control. I have to take 5 pills a day at varying times. And you have to be some sort of superhero to remember all that. So...pillbox it is.
I crochet like nobody's business. And to add fuel to the fire, guess what I've most recently learned how to crochet? Granny squares. Seriously. I love to crochet as it A. is easy. B. makes things that are useful like hats and scarves and mustaches on sticks. C. is cheap. D. keeps me from snacking and/or biting my nails. I've had many requests for crocheted things, so it can't be that bad, right?
I hate teenagers. They are my NEMESIS. If I'd have acted like teenagers do today when I was a teenager, I wouldn't be alive today. My mother would've killed me and buried me in the flower bed. End of story. Rude. Sense of entitlement. Bad manners. Bad grammar. Wear the dumbest clothes. Can't drive. I could go on and on and on. And on. And. On.
I have stopped moving out of the way for people in public places. I used to be so aware that my cart or myself were in the way and I'd promptly move. Do you think most other people promptly move when THEY are in MY way? Nope. Never. So I don't care anymore. Those people can wait just like I have to. Jerks.
I could go to bed at 7pm almost everyday. But Chris says no. He says I'm way too young for that business. I'm lucky to stay awake on the couch until 9pm...unless I'm crocheting.

So...disregarding chronology, how old are you? Are you way younger, way older or about the same? I'm curious.

May 2011 Six Pix

2011-09-28T10:39:00.001-04:00

May was fun.

May was random.

May was a "go with the flow" month. I don't have very many months that are "go with the flow." I'm not generally a "go with the flow" person. I'm working on that...and that is a long post all on it's own. And it's fast approaching that I feel like writing about it...you know, with the holidays coming up (my LEAST "go with the flow" time of year).

At any rate, I had a lot of fun, some heartbreak, a little stress, too much anxiety and a big victory in May. And not very many photos to show for it.

Here are some photos and some stories to go along with them:

In May, Chris was still in a band. Sunday mornings/afternoons were my alone time with Jayna and we very often took advantage of it by doing things that Chris wouldn't really miss out on...i.e. going to the mall. On this particular day, Jayna wanted to go to "that lighted up restaurant" (Johnny Rocket's) to eat french fries. So we went there. She sat in a chair across the table from me by herself with no booster because she's "a big girl." She also ordered her own drink and food because she's "a big girl." And she used her manners by saying please and thank you because she's...you guessed it: "a big girl." On that particular day, it dawned on me that she really is growing up into a very awesome kid. And that makes me proud and sad at the same time.

I have wanted to learn how to play harmonica for a long time now. On Memorial Day, Chris said, "Hey...let's go to Guitar Center and get your harmonica." It was a win-win-win. I got my harmonica, Chris got to play some guitars and Jayna got to go play piano, guitar, drums, etc. She really loves that store. She also loves to sit on the stools. This is one of my favorite pictures of her EVER. She just looks so very sweet.

As you all know, Chris and I ran the Mini in May. I will not go into that again, as I've written a couple of books about it. I still love this photo, though. That was a HUGE victory for me...one that I desparately needed in the midst of many other obstacles in life. I haven't thought the same way about myself since I finished that race...horrible time or not. :)

This picture makes me laugh because soooo very many people think Chris is quiet and reserved. This? This is the REAL Chris. Goofy and quick to make you laugh. He was the best support I could've had before, during and after the Mini. I love him to pieces.

One random Friday night, KT called and asked if she could stop by. Stopping by on a Friday night in the warm months will inevitably lead to back porch guitar playing and wine drinking. And that's what we did. It's always nice to unexpectedly see friends.

This guy is Erik. This day is my birthday. This event was a show that The Band played at a Moose Lodge. ON MY BIRTHDAY. (Oh...did I already mention that?) I spent my birthday at a Moose Lodge. I'm 31, not 75. Anyhoo, there is a very long, ugly, heartbreaking story to be told about this night and the few weeks after this night. Since it is all just juicy gossip that STILL dang near makes me cry, I won't tell it here. I will just say that this was Erik's first time singing on a stage. EVER. It makes me so proud of my friends when they do things to face their fears. It was a rough go, but he did it!! I love this guy and I hope we are always friends. He is currently in Germany with his outstanding wife, Janette, until sometime next year, but I'm patiently awaiting their return. We have drinking to do. :)

What did YOU do in May?

Tales of Turning 3

2011-09-21T11:42:00.003-04:00

Jayna has been 3 years old for an entire month now.

And I'm just now blogging about it. So sue me.

The Party

Anyhoo, we had an awesome birthday party that was WAY MORE low key than the previous 2. We did Tinkerbell and her fairy friends theme. The cupcakes were made by yours truly with colorful sprinkles in them (like Funfetti cake) and pastel icing. There were also fairy rings on top for the kids to wear after they ate the cupcake.

There were minimal decorations because, let's face it, kids don't really care about decorations. We had a Tinkerbell Happy Birthday banner and some paper lanterns. That's it. Layla (Laura and Lee) was nice enough to let us borrow her small bounce house as there were only 7 kids there. They all had fun and Jayna loved all of her gifts and her friends being there.

The party favors were wands and fairy wings for the girls and Bobble glasses and a catching game for the boys. Although...everyone played with everything. :)

I was horrible at taking the pictures this year...Chris took most of them. I've been working on being in the action more which automatically means less pictures on my part. I loved playing with the kids and talking with some friends.

And the collage:

We had lots of fairy and princess gifts. One of her favorite things is her Viewmaster thingy with the Beauty and the Beast reels. She looks at those pictures for the longest time and talks about how the Beast turns nice. :)

The Pediatrician Visit

At 3 years old, Jayna is 37.25 inches tall and weighs 36 pounds. She is thinning out!! Her BMI is in the 86th percentile. She's still big, but not too big. She is doing all of the normal things that 3-year-olds do and her speech is even a little advanced at this point.

I was told that we're doing everything that we should be doing and that we're doing a good job. That is great considering that I feel like I screw her up a little more with each passing day. She even answered almost all the doctor's questions on her own...which was very awesome and very sad at the same time.

The ENT Visit

We visited the ENT earlier this week and got good news. Both of Jayna's ear drums are healthy, without tubes and doing what they're supposed to!! NO MORE ENT VISITS!! I've been waiting for this day for a long time. I'm trying not to worry about something else going wrong.

The Ophthalmologist Visit

A couple of weeks ago, we went to the eye doctor. Jayna's exotropia isn't getting any better with the occlusion therapy (long words for "eye patch"). We are continuing the eye patch until January when she goes back for a reevaluation. If it isn't any better by then, she'll most likely have to have eye muscle surgery on both of her eyes. It is minimally invasive and not painful. But it's still surgery and she's still my baby. I suppose we'll see how it goes.

Sense of Humor

The kid is hilarious. She has recently picked up on the notion of teasing. One day we were sitting on the couch together and this was our conversation:

Me: Let's cuddle for a minute before school, Jaynie.
Jayna: I don't wanna cuddle, mommy.
Me: (sad face) Awww!!! But why not?
Jayna: Because your mustache tickles me.

She then broke out into belly laughter and didn't stop laughing for probably 30 seconds. She then looked up at me and said, "I just teasing you, mommy." (She got that from Beauty and the Beast when Belle's dad drinks out of Chip the teacup.)

When she was about 18 months old and I would help her get undressed for bath, I'd pull her shirt over her head and say, "I am cornholio!!" You know, like Beavis and Butthead. I stopped doing that over a year ago. Very recently, she'll pull her shirt over her head and run through the house saying, "I am cornholio!" I never thought she'd remember that from so long ago!

She LOVES to do the "Party on, Wayne." Party on, Garth." Exchange. She is overall a very funny kid and keeps us on our toes and laughing.

Emotions

I am of the opinion that three-year-olds are actually COMPOSED of emotions. And then when they turn 4, they grow bones and organs and stuff. It seems that is all there is to Jayna some days. And she can go from the happiest person alive to the angriest kid ever in about 20 seconds. She is quick to laugh, but she is even quicker to become frustrated and sad or angry. We've been talking a lot with her about how most of the time when she is frustrated, if she'd ask for help and use words instead of whining, things would get better. We're slowly and very wearily working through it.

As you all probably know, Jayna has an imaginary friend, Babe. Babe seems to be the target for many of Jayna's emotions and I can't decide if that's good or bad. One part of me thinks that I shouldn't let her do that because I don't want her "taking out her emotions" on unsuspecting REAL people later in life. The other part of me thinks that it's just her way of working out the emotions on her own.

Jayna has become pretty angry lately. At first I, of course, blamed all of that on myself. I was doing something wrong. But she is really just now learning anger and how to deal with it. It's rough for me, but it's even worse for her. The best I can do is just help her work through it.

Behavior

Nine times out of 10, Jayna is the best kid I could ask for. But when she isn't, SHE IS NOT. Absolutely not. When something goes wrong, something goes TERRIBLY wrong. I've been working on my reaction to her also. There are times when I can very effectively predict how she will react to something...and when that happens, I get downright pissed. And I react more strongly than I normally would.

That being said, we're also working on what works for punishment. Currently, we take things away and/or issue a time out. Let me tell you, folks: TIME OUTS DO NOT WORK. Hands down. Making a kid be quiet when they really just want to be upset for a minute is ridiculous. I've recently changed the process of time out and I make her go to a different room until she can stop with her fit and be calm. It works WAY better. For now. The taking things away does seem to work. We automatically take away television because she doesn't need to watch that much television anyway. But we also take away whatever is her favorite toy at that moment. And we take it for an entire day. Everytime she thinks about playing with that toy, she'll say, "I got my dressup (or whatever) taken away, right mommy? Because I screamed at you (or whatever). I will play with it tomorrow." It seems to be sinking in.

Growing Up

Having a kid who is 3 is soooo much easier and more fun than having a baby. THERE! I said it!! Babies are not my favorite thing. I like them, but I don't want anymore. I love the fact that Jayna sleeps all through the night, is potty trained and likes to be a part of whatever we're doing as a family. She's even stopped taking naps (as of about a week ago), so we are much more free to go and do things on a whim without having to worry about being back home for nap.

In short, 3-year-olds are simultaneously much easier and much more difficult. But all you parents out there already knew that. I feel very fortunate to have a happy and healthy child who loves me dearly. :)

Freaky Friday: Exorcise The Demon

2011-09-16T08:50:00.001-04:00

We have an issue that needs to be addressed:

Photo courtesy of Purzuit.

We all know who that is, right? RIGHT?!?

If you haven't seen the movie Drop Dead Fred, PLEASE DO SO NOW.

It's happening to me.

Dear lord...it's happening. To me.

Actually it's happening to Jayna, but it's directly affecting me also. And Chris. And Jayna's preschool teachers and classmates.

I don't even really know where to start telling this story.

Jayna has an imaginary friend. This friend began as one of her dolls. She called one of her dolls Babe for awhile. Now Babe is a full blown troublemaking, invisible, little shit of an imaginary friend.

Chris and I call Jayna "babe" at home. We believe that's where she picked up the name Babe for her friend. It started out innocent enough. We'd hear Jayna playing in her room and talking to someone. When we'd ask who she was talking to, she'd say, "My friend, Babe. We're just playing."

Okay. Normal. Lots of kids have imaginary friends. She plays with Babe everyday at some point. They play dressup and they play games and then Jayna sends Babe home...but Babe always seems to sneak back in. AT BEDTIME.

A few weeks ago, Jayna walked up to me, looked at me out the top of her eyes, pointed her finger straight at my face and said to me in a very scary redrum-like voice, "Do you want to play?"

When I questioned why she was talking like I needed to call an exorcist, she told me, "That was Babe asking you to play with her."

Cue Twilight Zone music.

Here are the negative trends with Babe:

Babe gets mad at Jayna when Jayna is in trouble. As in, if I'm upset with Jayna, she says to me, "Mommy, Babe's mad at me now!"
When Jayna gets hurt, she makes up a story of how Babe did it. She got a papercut on her finger yesterday at school and told her teacher, "Babe bit me!!"
Jayna backtalks to me under her breath. When I ask her what she said, she'll say, "I wasn't talking to you, mommy. I was talking to Babe."
When Jayna won't go to sleep at night and we go check on her after an hour of blabbing and screaming, she'll say, "I can't go to sleep because Babe is talking to me."
When she doesn't want to eat part of her food, she'll say, "I'm saving that for Babe."
She talks like she's possessed by the devil when she talks in Babe's voice and it's EXTREMELY unsettling.

Here are the positive trends with Babe:

Jayna tells stories through Babe. She told her preschool teachers all about Babe...how she lives with her Grandpa, she has a garden where she grows pears and she's 3 years old just like Jayna. She turned into a prince the other day because she was under a powerful spell. Her new name was Prince Princess. But then by dinnertime, the spell was over and she was just plain ol' Babe again.
Babe seems to help Jayna get her emotions in check sometimes. Jayna will start to get upset and then say, "It's okay, Babe. It will be okay." And then they'll both presumably change their attitudes.
It provides a sense of control for Jayna. This friend is something that is, for the most part, totally Jayna's responsibility. She can make Babe leave when she wants. She can change her name, her life, anything. And I think that's good for Jayna. She's a pretty independent kid and it seems that her having something to be responsible for cuts down on the "I WANT TO DO IT MYSELF!!!" fits.

So, here's my issue: How do I cultivate the creativity of an imaginary friend without allowing her to use said friend as an excuse to be bad, sass me, not eat, etc.?

It should be said that I haven't done ANY research on this (I know...what?!?). I'm asking y'all first.

It should also be said that I won't publish ANY comments telling me that I should have another kid so that Jayna has a friend. That, my friends, is a crock. I say that in the nicest way possible, of course. :)

One thing is FOR SURE: I will be telling her to come up with a new voice for Babe. I'm just waiting for her to wag her finger at me and say "Red Rum, Red Rum." My heart can't take that.

I just really don't want to take this away from her. It helps her express herself a great deal...and she needs that. I just don't want her thinking that she can be bad and blame Babe. It may end up being a "take the good with the bad" situation.

What do YOU think, gentle readers?

Restitution of the Century

2011-09-08T11:56:00.000-04:00

Let me direct you to this post.

Read it. I'll wait. If you've already read that post and you want to wait with me, here's an awesome photo for you to enjoy:

Photo courtesy of Billboard.

(No...I'm not actually crazy. I do know that you don't have to wait. And neither do I. I was trying to be...funny? Or something. I really just wanted to post a picture of Dave Grohl. You know what I'm talkin' about, Katy M.R.)

Done reading? Good. Y'all are slow readers. :)

Anyhoo...I haven't forgotten about missing that show. I'll NEVER forget missing that show. I'll probably mostly remember because I was gigantically pregnant and super sensitive and hormonal and stuff. But regardless of why, I'll always remember giving my ticket to my super good friend Erik, who now resides in Germany and gets to be a househusband and drink beer on that bicycle beer cart thingy all day. (Man...I hope he reads this.) So he and Chris went and enjoyed the show and called me so I could hear a song...which really just made me cry more. I appreciate the sentiment, but geez.

The Foos are touring again...3 years later...and I when I learned that they were touring, I patiently awaited the listing for the show in my large Midwest city. Much to my dismay, all of the US dates have been released and Australian dates are being released. They. Aren't. Coming. Here.

I waited and waited thinking they'd add my city. They always stop here!!

I waited so long, in fact, that by the time I was certain they were NOT coming here, all the other Midwest shows were long since sold out. Meaning that I'd be missing the show yet again.

I've been trying to see this band since...oh, I don't know...since I was around 23 or something. Since I became a diehard fan. And it's just never worked out.

I was beginning to think that it was just destiny that I was never going to get to see the Foo Fighters live. It just wasn't in the cards.

UNTIL.....(cue dramatic music)

Earlier today, my good friend K80 sent me a Facebook message telling me how dismayed she was that the Foos skipped us like we were yesterday's donuts. I replied that I didn't really know what to say. Her response?? "I do!! Come with me to St. L!"

There was NO way I could swing that!! The show is in less than 2 weeks. I had plans that day with some friends I haven't seen in 35 years. I have a 3-year-old and a husband who couldn't POSSIBLY live without me for less than 24 hours (that's sarcastic, Chris. Don't hate). No way was that going to work out.

AND THEN...(more dramatic music)

Well, I emailed up (see what I did there? I used an old phrase with new technology) my friend I haven't seen in 35 years. I told her the sitch. And the I THREW MYSELF ON THE MERCY OF THE JENNA COURT and asked her not to hate me. You know what that sweet lady said? She said, "You're an idiot if you don't go to that show." Okay, maybe she didn't call me an idiot, but she probably wanted to. So we rescheduled and that was taken care of.

Next up? The husband. I already had my line of defense. HE GOT TO GO LAST TIME WITHOUT ME.

End of story.

So...I'll be traveling to St. Louis with K80 in about a week to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Foos live. She'll never know what this means to me. Hell, maybe she will, but still.

I am super stoked. Excited. Anxious to be traveling that far without the hubs and the child. Grateful. Oh...and excited. :)

Stay tuned (in about a week) for photos. Probably of just stupid things, but photos anyway.

Updates...and more updates.

2011-09-07T09:51:00.000-04:00

I have approximately 75 things to blog about and no time to do it.

Yes, technically I could be blogging about one of those things RIGHTNOW, but all of my things are long winded and I only have 3.4 minutes.

So here's a lazy list of things to blog about so I don't forget:

My Get Your Shit Together Plan. That will be a 3 hour long post. Seriously. I have a lot of shit and none of it is together.
Recap of the crazy summer we had.
My mom.
Jayna: her eyes, her tonsils, her allergies, her 3rd birthday and the party, upload pics of said party and her new big girl bed, her new crazy quirks, her new fit throwing strategies, her ability to sound like a teenager and my ability not to smack her square in the mouth.
FALL!!!! (That one's for you, Michelle R.)
Running (or lack thereof). And that sort of goes with the Get Your Shit Together post.

Man...once I start blogging, y'all will be reading for hours. Or not.

I'll get on it soon. Promise.

Five for Friday: Funny Fits

2011-08-26T11:47:00.000-04:00

Jayna is back to throwing some kick ass tantrums. I thought we'd gotten past the worst of the actual "tantrum" and were moving into the sassiness and the smart ass phase. Turns out she just found a way to combine the two, forcing me to actually LOSE MY COOL.

I occasionally raise my voice. I don't call it yelling because I don't actually yell. I turn on the "mom voice." You should all know what I'm talking about because you all either have a mom or a mom figure or are a mom. I get slightly louder and way more stern. And that voice alone gets a reaction from the kid. Mind you, that reaction is most often the beginning of a fit. The beginning of a fit for her is to crunch her face up, start to cry, and make the crying noise...loudly. This is her way of saying, "Hey...I know you're mad at me and I'm pretty pissed about that."

Atleast in my mind that's what she says.

I get this reaction ALL. THE. TIME. Everytime. Without fail. At first I tried to work through it with her. Now? After an entire 6 months of it? STRAIGHT to time out. No passing go. No 200 bucks. Just straight to the time out chair.

Yeah...ask me how that's going.

At first this worked outstandingly. She'd get up in the time out chair and serve her 3 minutes. Notsomuch anymore.

I now have to physically PUT her in time out. That automatically earns her an additional minute. After I put her in time out, she then proceeds to scream and kick and hit and spit...you name it, she's probably done it.

Her minutes don't start until her fit is over and she is silent. Within the last 2 weeks, that's started taking about 30 minutes. Unless I get really pissed or we have to leave at a scheduled time. And then I'll drag her little butt all over that house and MAKE her do things while she's throwing a fit and then put her in the car and tell her she's still in time out.

It works for now, but I'm sure that won't last long.

So...here are 5 hilarious things that have happened regarding Jayna fits within the past few weeks:

Last week she got put in time out for throwing a fit and then hitting me. She never actually hits me hard...it's more like a swat to show disapproval of what I'm saying. I told her that she can NOT hit me. It's a no no. She then jumped out of the time out chair, ran over to me and hit me again, and then ran back to the time out chair. I...had NO idea what to say or do.
During that SAME time out, she hit me a total of 3 times. I smacked her on her butt. Later that night, she threw a fit when getting out of the bath. I dropped the towel, got on my knees, grabbed her shoulders and made her look me in the eye. She then jerked away from me, smacked herself on her bottom and said, "Just spank me, mommy!!!" Yeah...no. She's going to have to take responsibility for her actions. The ADULT way.
Wednesday morning she had a doctor's appointment (I'll write about that in the upcoming 3 Years Old post), so we were at home until around 8:45am. About 30 minutes before it was time to go, she started a fit. I put her in time out. She started screaming this at the top of her lungs: "I DON'T LIKE YOU MOMMY! TOMORROW I TRYING TO GET MARRIED AND YOU GONNA BE SOOOO MAD AT ME!!!" What the hell?!? I stood in the next room laughing my ass off. Where does she get this junk?
That morning fit lasted around 20 minutes. We were going to be late for the doctor, so I picked her up, kicking and screaming, out of time out and took her to the bathroom to force her to brush her teeth. (And on a related note...do you know how difficult it is to brush a kid's teeth when they're screaming and kicking and crying? It ain't no walk in the park, I'm tellin' ya.) After I was done, she started on the "trying to get married" stint. I cut her off and said, "You know, if you keep yelling like that, no one will want to marry you. Do you think daddy would still want to be married to mommy if I yelled at him like you're yelling at me? I don't think so." She was stunned and VERY confused. But it made her stop and she legitimately THOUGHT about what she was doing. And she stopped all together after that. And NO...I'm NOT proud of that moment. But when it was happening, short of actually hurting the kid, I would've done almost anything just to get her to stop yelling.
During a different fit, I put her in time out and she took her fingernails and scratched down both of her arms. She said, "I gonna scratch myself mommy!!!!" I can only assume she was trying to get me to sympathize and baby her because she hurt herself. I just said, "That's silly, Jayna. Why would you want to hurt yourself?" Again, she was completely stunned. She had no idea what to say and then sat for her minutes and was done.
One of her favorite things to randomly yell at me when she's in time out, no matter what I say or don't say, is, "I DON'T CARE MOMMY!" I turned the tables on her yesterday and told her, "Okay...well, fine. Then I don't care either." And I left the room. She then told me after time out, "Mommy...my feelings hurt really bad." (Not they ARE hurt...just that they hurt. That's cute to me. :) ) When I asked her why, she told me, "Because you said you don't care about me." Now remember...I didn't ever say, "I don't care about YOU." I just said that I didn't care either. When I pointed out to her that she told me she didn't care about 85 times, her response was, "But mommy...I didn't say I didn't care about YOU. I just said I didn't care about....." And she never finished. We ALWAYS assure her after her time outs that we still do and always will love her, but that her fits make us unhappy and hurt our feelings. I'm not sure why she thought I said I didn't care about her.

I shouldn't wonder why I recently had to start coloring my hair again. I'll probably have a full head of gray hair by the time I'm 35 at this rate. Oy.

So parents...what do YOU do about screaming fits? Do you ignore? Take things away? Spank?

I am mostly against spanking. She's gotten a few smacks on the bottom, but it isn't something I use everyday or even every month...and it will eventually stop working. Currently, we do time out beginning when the fit ends, we ignore her when she's screaming and throwing a fit, we take away toys and priveleges (yesterday she lost television, dressup clothes and her tea set...some of her favorite things) and we make her tell us what she did and what the consequence is. She REALLY hates that last part. And I'll keep making her do it because I want her to learn to take responsibility for her actions, good or bad.

I'd love to hear your feedback. If you don't hear back from me for awhile, contact your local looney bin. :)

In 2 Days...

2011-08-19T11:03:00.000-04:00

In 2 days, I'll have a 3-year-old.

What?!?

In 2 days, I'll have a 3-year-old.

I have a gigantic Get Your Life Together post coming up...but that gets put on hold. Because in 2 days, I'll have a 3-year-old.

In 2 days, we will take apart her crib/toddler bed. We will introduce her to the monstrosity of a daybed/platform storage bed that we've been building (with help from my dad).

In 2 days, we will remove the "froggy potty" from our bathroom. We will use only the big girl potty.

In 2 days, we will be run out of our house by fairy and princess gifts and decorations and cupcakes and party favors. And we will love it.

In 2 days, I'll take a thousand pictures to remember her reaction the year that she finally understood what her birthday was all about.

In 2 days, I'll smile. :)

Monday Meets Morbid Epiphany

2011-08-08T16:40:00.004-04:00

***This will be considered sensitive material to some of you. Read at your own risk.***
I've never been afraid of dying. And frankly, I've never understood those who are. It's inevitable. There is no way around it. No way out of it. It just...is.

People generally think that they are in control of their future. Their destiny. Their fate. And while that may be true to some degree, none of us knoww when our time will come. It could be tomorrow. It could be 60 years from now.

But tomorrow or 60 years from now, one thing remains in constant: NONE OF US KNOW HOW LONG WE HAVE IN THIS LIFE.

Pretty deep, huh?

Now, picture it: Georgia Street, 2011. August. 2011. And a Monday to top it off.

I was sitting at my desk this morning typing and emailing and such. All of a sudden, a weird feeling came over me. I shook. I held back tears. I...don't know. Something happened.

In an instant, I became eerily aware that someday, at some unknown time and place, I will cease to exist.

I will die.

I will no longer be here. Anywhere.

Caput. The end.

I would leave behind unfinished business. Memories. Probably some debt. Many worldly possessions. A family. And a child. A child who would hopefully be grown...maybe even with children of her own.

And what would be left? I don't know.

And of all of this...there isn't a damn thing I can do about dying. It WILL happen.

Folks...I was bowled over by my own mortality. In the blink of an eye.

I was unsure of how to move forward. I mean LITERALLY move forward. I was frozen in my seat. Afraid to move. Terrified of dying.

There is no other experience in my life that I can compare to this experience. A seemingly mundane Monday at work turning into a life-altering moment. I hadn't a clue what to make of it.

By the time I composed myself, it was lunchtime. Chris and I headed out to Mexican Monday.

I raised my concern to him. And to my surprise, he knew exactly what I was talking about...except this apparently happens to him often, as he's always had fear surrounding death.

My next comment was, "This makes me think that something is wrong with me. With my brain."

He replied, "Why? I think most people are somewhat afraid of death even though it's inevitable. You shouldn't wonder why you are too."

I then rephrased my concern. "So...you've always been afraid of dying. What would you think of yourself if, one day while just sitting at your desk, you just suddenly became completely okay with death? How would you feel about that?"

That struck him. He then knew the severity of this situation...atleast the severity in my mind. I tend to want to analyze things that seem normal to most people simply because they aren't normal to me. Even though MOST people are afraid of death, I was NOT until this morning.

And I'm TERRIFIED.

I'm terrified of my own mortality.

I asked Chris, "How do I feel better about this? I don't want to be afraid to drive the car, play with the kid, etc."

His response was less than helpful. "I don't know. I've never been okay with it. You just live."

And while I agree with him, I don't agree with him.

I've been "just living" and I feel like I've cheated myself in some respects. Here I am, doing the same thing and expecting different results. THAT, my friends, is the definition of insanity.

I took this morbid epiphany as a call for motivation. There are things. Things in this life that I want. That I want to do and to have and to experience. And I won't be here forever. Changes need to be made.

Time for change. And a plan. Change AND a plan AND "just living." They CAN coexist.

I need a plan. A REAL plan. A LIFELONG plan.

I am constantly telling people to "make it count."

I can't control when I'll go, but I sure as HELL can make it count along the way.

Well, here I go, friends. I'm going to make it count.

Stay tuned for the Two Year Plan. This should be interesting.

April 2011 Six Pix

2011-08-01T21:12:00.000-04:00

Glorious April. The end of snow. Atleast for awhile.

April was fun. We did some out-of-the-ordinary things. Unexpected fun is the best kind.

Here are 9...not 6...photos of what we did:

We went to my friend's nephew's birthday party at Southeastway Park at the end of April. In the favor bags were these mustaches. That is my friend Maria and me with said mustaches on. We wore them the entire time and Jayna thought it was hilarious.

It had rained for a solid 2 weeks before the above-mentioned birthday party. The playground was full of mud. One fall off the slide and this is what Jayna looked like. She didn't care...she went straight back for more.

I got really brave one Saturday and decided that to celebrate Jayna being all the way potty trained, we'd take her to Chuck E. Cheese. NEVER again. We asked our friends Michelle and Sam to come, as well as Nana B, Anthony, Aunt Summer and Uncle Tony. The kids had lots of fun. The parents all went home and drank heavily. That place is a nightmare.

This was Jayna's present from Nana for her awesome job with potty training. The first time she drove it (the time of this photo), she wrecked it into our house and didn't ride it again until about a week ago. Apparently wrecking your PowerWheel into the house is quite traumatizing.

Oh, Oliver. He is UNDER his dog bed in this photo. He slept like that for almost the entire night. He's...special. :)

At Jockamo's Pizza. Jayna put on my sunglasses, looked over at a guy at the next table and said, "Hey, doll!!" That kid is hilarious. And she reminds me of Jack Nicholson in this photo.

That is Jayna's school under there. She sits under the bar part of out kitchen island and pretends she's at school. Hey...as long as she's not destroying something, I don't care where her school is.

This is Jayna in preparation for the Royal Wedding. Who knew that she'd be spot with British fashion with that stupid looking huge flower on top of her head. Atleast she's still a kid and not a grown ass woman who looks like a moron with a giant bow on her head. Y'all know who I'm talking about.

This is how I spent many an evening in April after Jayna went to bed. Too bad it's a million degrees now and too hot for a guitar to even stay in tune.

The first 3 photos were taken with a camera. The last 6 were taken with my iPhone and then through Instagram.

"When are you going to STOP calling it Six Pix, Danielle?!? There are NEVER only six."

I'll call it what I want. And maybe next month there will be six. :)

What did YOU do in April?

This is the Ear Story that never ends....

2011-07-28T21:27:00.001-04:00

...yes, it goes on and on, my friends.
You can thank me for putting that song into your head at 3am when you're trying to sleep.

On Tuesday, Jayna had her most recent check-up on her ears. She REALLY hates people screwing with her ears. And who can blame her. They've been screwing with her ears for 2.5 years now.

At the beginning of July, Jayna came down with an ear infection. In fact, all three of us were sick at the same time and it was straight up HELL. Trying to take care of a sick kid when both parents are sick is some sort of sick joke that the universe plays on you. And it's just not funny.

I took her to the doctor because I thought she may have a sinus infection. She was coughing a lot...a really barky cough...and her nose was running like mad. She also was having trouble sleeping. This is where I know Jayna is truly my kid: if she has trouble sleeping, SHE'S SICK. End of story. Chris and I were both suffering the same symptoms, but kid's come first, so she was the first to visit the doctor. I thought I had a sinus infection, so it followed in my cold medicine-ridden brain that she would probably have the same thing.

When we got to the doctor, Jayna was fine. She wasn't afraid. Or whiny. Or clingy. All of you parents know that it's Murphy's Law that your sick kid will act PERFECTLY NORMAL once you get to the doctor. It happens everytime.

Everything looked fine until the doc looked into Jayna's ears. She got out the wax scoop, tried once to scoop out some junk, and then looked at me and said, "It's going to be way easier to have her ears washed out than for me to be digging around in there."

Having never witnessed this experience before, I told Jayna, "They're going to get some water and wash the kitty cats out of your ears!! It'll be fine! And then the doctor can tell if your ears are healthy." She was on board.

She was on board until that first syringe full of water was squirted into her ear. And then she was so far from on board. She was OFF board.

She was clinging to me like a baby monkey.

I kept my composure and just kept talking her through it. Her right ear, the one that the doc poked around in and loosened up, went pretty quickly. Three syringes and that ear was done.

The left ear. Oh. My. Lord. The left ear.

The left ear took 3 people, about a gallon of water, and 4 special lighted wax scoops to clean.

I was unaware of the amount of junk that could fit into a kid's ear. Seriously.

She was fine as soon as we were done. But I feel for her. That has to be terrifying, what with all the messing with her ears and the sound of the water and the water going into her throat. She's definitely a trooper.

After the washing, the doc came back in to look at Jayna's ears...and sure enough, there was infection in her right ear. The left one wasn't infected yet, but it did look red and slightly inflamed. Amoxicillin again.

It should be said that Jayna hasn't had an ear infection since she's had tubes. NONE. And at the time of this infection, it didn't occur to me that it could be because her tubes were coming out.

The doctor did tell me that the left tube appeared to still be in, but she couldn't really tell with all the redness. The tube was coming out of the right ear into her ear canal, but was probably still hooked. She still had some wax around the tube itself, so it was hard to tell. The deal was we'd come back in 2 weeks and they'd be able to tell me more. I was also give non-antibiotic drops to put in Jayna's ears to keep the wax liquified and to prevent future ear washings. I want to kiss whoever invented those drops.

Now, skip to last Friday. Last Friday was Jayna's recheck for her ear infection with her pediatrician.

On the way to the doctor, Jayna said, "Mommy, are they gonna wash my ears? My belly hurts. I want to go home." She was terrified that she was going to have to go through all of that again.

After I reassured her that the doctor was just going to look at her ears, she was okay. Until we got there.

As soon as we got into the exam room, hell broke loose. She cried and sobbed and clung to me like that monkey.

When the doctor came in, it was a different doctor. I've never seen a kid so relieved.

The new doc (just the other doc in the practice) told Jayna that she was just going to look. And then she was fine.

The news seemed to be good news. Both ears were healed up. The left ear appeared to have........................NO TUBE IN IT.

No tube. It came out. YAY!!!!!

The right ear seemed to still have a tube somewhere in it, but not exactly in the ear drum. It was just hanging out in the ear canal.

The doctor then did a tympanogram reading on both ears. The left ear had a good reading. The right ear wouldn't produce a reading, usually meaning that there is still a tube.

I was told to continue ear drops once a day until that next Tuesday, which brings me to this past Tuesday, which was Jayna's check-up with her ENT doctor.

That last sentence confuses even me...and I wrote it.

Jayna was not afraid at all this time. In fact, she even sat in the big chair by herself...NOT ON MY LAP. She let the doctor do the whole exam while sitting by herself in an exam chair. Write that down. Seriously.

The doctor looked in Jayna's ears and confirmed what the pediatrician said. The ENT wanted to do a test to further confirm that information, so we went for the test. It took all of 30 seconds.

The test results were good...and then immediately bordering on bad.

The left ear had no tube. The hole had healed. Her ear looked...wait for it...NORMAL. She no longer has to wear an earplug for swimming in her left ear. That was the awesome news. The right ear had a tube lying in the ear canal in some wax, but it was out of the ear drum. We were told that it would fall out on it's own and we probably wouldn't even know it. There was still a slight hole in her right ear drum, but it was healing nicely and should be closed very soon. She still has to wear an earplug in that ear, but probably not for very long. That was also good news.

Then we were told that her left ear drum (you know, the one that looked NORMAL) already had loads of fluid behind it. That means that there could very easily be another infection looming. Bad news.

We were also told that if her ears don't learn to pop themselves VERY SOON, that she will most likely begin to get infections again and she'll have to have another set of tubes.

Cue the heavy sigh.

BAD FREAKING NEWS, PEOPLE.

Not only is that yet ANOTHER surgery for her, but it's also a ginormous hit to our checkbook. Yes, I will pay whatever needs to be paid to keep her healthy, but that doesn't make it sting any less.

On September 19th, we have to go in for a very lengthy appointment that will include several tests, including a hearing test. That appointment will answer many of these ifs.

I just want the kid to be okay. I don't want her to have constant ear problems when she's 30 like her dad does. But it isn't looking good.

So...mark September 19th on your calendars. And when you get up that morning, please keep Jaynie in your thoughts. I won't ask you to pray. Save the prayers for those who need prayers. Jayna is alive and well and healthy and loved. Save the prayers for the kids who aren't any of those things...especially loved.

Just keep her in your thoughts. I'm a strong believer in karmic energy...and no matter what the news, I'm glad y'all come here and listen to my random rants and leave me words of encouragement when I need them. I love you all. And so does Jayniac. :)

March 2011 Six Pix

2011-07-28T17:05:00.003-04:00

To be completely honest, I had to go back and look at my photos to remember what I actually did in March.

As it turns out, March seems to always be the time of year that things finally slow down from the holidays. It always causes me to walk away from the camera and just relax a little.

Oh yeah...and the weather starts changing. Glorious spring arrives and I go outside and enjoy the sunlight and breezy mild temps. Doesn't get much better after a LONG AND COLD ASS WINTER. A winter that seemed to last for an entire year.

Am I the only one who thinks that? Is it just me or did last winter seem to be especially long, cold and just plain annoying? Huh.

Anyhoo, I did some interesting things in March. You'll see from the pics. And here are TEN (instead of 6) photos in no particular order.

Jayna had a doc appointment on this day, so I brought her to work with me for about an hour. She loves coming in and seeing daddy and nana.

A piano playing fairy. I guess she'd be a music fairy in Pixie Hollow terms. :)

I got my hair chopped off in March. Trust me, it needed it. This is my sassy face.

On St. Patrick's Day, I got to go to Bloomington and teach a scrapbooking/crafting seminar type of thing. And I of course had to go have a Blue Hawaiian at Yogi's. I DID practically live there for 3 years (at Yogi's...not just in Bloomington).

I also went to Wine & Canvas with my good friend Michelle...or MZQ as she's been renamed. We had a blast. And yes, I drank beer instead of wine. Go figure. If you're looking for something fun and different to do, this is it.

Now that Jayna's getting older, she just adores Oliver. She regularly pets him and kisses him and tells him she loves him. Sometimes when we're gone from the house for a long time, she'll say, "I'm ready to go...I want to go see my Ollie."

Chris and the band had a show at a Martinsville bar on a Sunday afternoon. And, again, KT came with me. I thank her for joining me at such a strange time for her to be in a bar. It's pretty commonplace for me. :) I enjoyed her company and I thank her for her support.

When Chris plays guitar, Jayna likes to get her guitar and rock out with him. I'm glad he's wearing pants though.

This may be one of my all time favorite pictures of Jayna. Of course, I do have a soft spot for Dirty Harry. "Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"

There are some things that kids will just always do. Marker cap fingers is one of 'em.

It should be said that all of these photos were taken with my iPhone. I love that I am able to document my life through my phone. It's incredibly convenient.

What did YOU do in March?

The Mind of a 3-Year-Old

2011-07-25T16:56:00.004-04:00

Three-year-olds really are a completely different breed of human. It's quite fascinating, really.

Here's a short story that will relate to the point I'm trying to make:

As my last post denoted, Chris and I are currently building Jayna a new bed. This was my idea.

My awesomely horribly delightful money-saving hair-pulling-out idea. All in the name of giving Jayna what she wants for her birthday: a bed that's like a couch.

Some people will tell me she's spoiled. Go ahead. Tell me. And then go suck eggs. :)

Anyhoo, as I also denoted in my last post, this bed is a sort of mash up of 2 different bed plans that I found on Ana White's website. Since it is a mash up of 2 beds, there are some alterations that have to be made to make this work. I very haphazardly explained those alterations to Chris in hopes that he would just read my mind and figure out what I meant.

After all...it all made sense in my head. That's what matters, right?

Much to my chagrin, he had trouble reading my thoughts and figuring this out all on his own, so I had to vocalize...in terms that another person could understand...WHAT, exactly those alterations were and how they were to be executed in my final plan. Yikes.

It took awhile. That step probably took longer than every other step we've done combined.

In short, I sometimes am absolutely HORRIBLE at vocalizing what is going on in my brain.

This brings me to this story about Jayna:

Jayna is at an age and developmental stage where she is what I would call "so emotional that it makes me want to stab my eyeballs out rather than talk her down from whatever emotion she's so into that she can't distinguish between fantasy and reality." Got it? If you have a 3-year-old girl, you've got it, alright.

Jayna loves those little black velvet posters. You know, the ones that you color the white part and it looks like a picture, but all the negative space is black velvet? She has atleast a dozen of those that she's colored. They are only a buck at the craft store and they are one of her favorite crafts. And one will keep her busy for about an hour. That's my kind of craft.

Yesterday we got her 2 new ones...a castle and a mermaid. She's had the castle one before, but she's forgotten. She's had so many in between that she doesn't remember that she's coloring the same thing again. And on top of that, I'm not sure she cares. She just wants to use the "real markers" and color her picture.

After she colored one, she came to me and said, "Mommy, when I color both of my pictures, can I make them into a book?" I told her, "Of course you can! That's an awesome idea! I'll help you and we'll write a story and put all the pages together like a book. But I have to finish making the bed first." She was instantly pleased with that and wanted to start right away.

She went to her room and started to gather things that she thought would help us make her book. She gathered her Barrel of Monkeys game, Dr. Seuss' The Lorax book, The Very Hungry Caterpillar book (2 of her favorites), some of her play jewelry and some markers.

As she passed me in the hall, I asked her why she needed jewelry. She replied, "Because it's a book about fairies, mommy." I'm pretty sure she even rolled her eyes at me, but I can't be sure.

I finished making the bed and loaded the washer. And to be honest, I got so caught up in the housework that I forgot I'd told her I'd help her. I walked through the living room and saw her in the middle of the area rug making her book.

She had her Dr. Seuss book open and had all of her monkeys from the Barrel of Monkeys shoved in between the pages along with some of her play jewelry. And she had an uncapped green marker in her hand.

I sort of freaked out. Those books cost lots of money.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: Jayna...are you writing in your books?? We don't draw in our books!!!
Jayna: I was writing a story, mommy.
Me: We write stories on paper! NOT in our good books!
Jayna: I was pretending. I made it like my 'vitations.
Me: YOU DON'T WRITE IN YOUR BOOKS, JAYNA. (very stern)
Jayna: (bursts into tears while trying to tell me something) I...don't be mean at me, mommy. Pretend...I was just....you said you help....I can't write a story by myself....pretending.....

The tears and the frustration and the trying to explain herself was just too much for her.

And writing in her good books was just too much for me...at the time.

I picked up the 2 books, dumping all the monkeys on the floor. That caused more crying and frustration.

Jayna: You broke it!!! I made it like my 'vitations!!!!! And you broke it, mommy!! I mad to you!
Me: Did you write in your books Jayna? (while flipping through the books)
Jayna: NO! (while pointing at me and yelling) NO I DIDN'T!!! WE DON'T WRITE IN BOOKS, MOMMY!!! I PRETENDING TIL YOU ARE DONE!!!

I then scooped her up and we had a long cuddle session followed by a talk. A talk about collecting your thoughts and putting them into coherent sentences. And I learned a lesson. If I would've just asked her first, "Jayna, did you write in your books?" without accusing her in the same sentence, she probably would've directly answered me. Given the way I asked her with an accusation directly following, she felt the need to defend herself and then got flustered when I kept at her.

Collect your thoughts, Danielle. Seriously. And put them into coherent sentences.

Here's what happened:

Jayna's birthday is next month. I am making her invitations. She is fascinated with the scrapbooking process of using jewels and shapes to make an invitation. That was what the jewelry and monkeys were for...they were her "embellishments." She was pretending to stick them to the pages to make invitations. When I picked up the book, I ruined all of her "vitations." And I am a horrible person.

Jayna knows that she can't write yet and she's quite sensitive about the matter. She tries very hard to write her name. She does a good job with a couple of letters, but she's just not there yet. Hell, she's not even really 3 yet!! But she still feels like she should be able to just WRITE. She wants to write her name and she wants to write stories, dammit!! Forget being little, she has something to say!!!

She was pretending to write in her book so that she could pretend that the story was hers. All because I wasn't paying attention or helping her.

What was she trying to tell me?

"I didn't write in my books, mom. I was pretending to write in my book because YOU said you'd help me, but you TOO BUSY. So there. And then you picked up my book of invitations and ruined them ALL. And you're getting mad at me?!? Shouldn't I be mad at YOU? I mean, you did ignore me and then ruin my work. Seriously, lady. Figure it out."

I'd like to say that I'm exaggerating there, as I always do, but I'm pretty sure those were her exact thoughts.

She is so sensitive. Especially when she knows she's done nothing wrong. She was especially hurt this time because I told her I'd help her and then I got busy. She thought she was doing a very good thing and being a very good girl because she wasn't bothering me.

And then I jumped her ass.

I hope she doesn't inherit this trait from me...this inability to organize and vocalize her thoughts. To make people understand what she's saying, what she means, how she feels.

I suppose I am one of her biggest influences. If she continues to see me do this, she will continue to do it.

Collect your thoughts. And put them into coherent sentences.

On another note, this child's creativity is nuts. Later last night, we did make our book and write a story. She narrated and I wrote. It's about a mermaid who lives in a castle named Rapunzel. Look for it at a bookstore near you. :)

Weekend Update: Projects, Delicious Food and Friends

2011-07-18T16:55:00.004-04:00

This post will bore most of you. But it was a perfect weekend to me and I feel it should be documented.
This past weekend was one of those "I need a weekend from my weekend" type of weekends.
I just set a record for how many times one can use the word "weekend" in a sentence. Alert the media.

We went into this weekend with nothing planned. No expactations. That's dangerous in our house. That means there is potential for starting a project.

Saturday was spent running errands and cleaning house. We went to the Farmer's Market early that morning and got some yummy sweet corn, green beans and peaches...all grown pesticide-free and in Indiana. I expected the prices to be higher because it was a Farmer's Market, but to my surprise, everything was very reasonable.

When Jayna went down for a nap, I did some gardening and cleaned up our backyard and driveway. It was incredibly hot at that time of day, but I stuck it out and got a lot done. Our back patio is pretty again! There for awhile it looked like a junk pit and I didn't want to spend any time out there. And now that it's going to be a MILLION degrees this week, it's cleaned off and ready to be enjoyed. Damn the luck.
On a semi-related note, who knew that raspberry bushes were vines? Shouldn't they technically be called raspberry VINES? You don't call it a grape BUSH, you call it a grape VINE. Shouldn't raspberries follow that same logic, or is it just me? Yeah...I thought it was probably just me.

At any rate, I've added a trellis to the raspberry VINES and they don't look like weeds anymore! I was sure that I was sold a weed and not a fruitbearing plant. I'm glad I figured all that out.

After all that, I showered. I'm telling you that for a reason. After I showered and Jayna woke up, she wanted to swim in the backyard. Since she had all of her toys out of the shed, that prompted me to clean out the shed...in 95 degrees AFTER I showered. Genius.

I now have a garage full of baby gear to sell. I HATE having yard sales. HATE it. So if any of you readers need anything, get at me. I'll make you a great deal. :)

We grilled and cooked all of our fresh Farmer's Market food that night and had an awesome dinner. I buttered and sugared some fresh peaches and threw them on the grill. We had them for dessert with some vanilla bean ice cream. Delish.

On Sunday, we decided to go get the things to make Jayna's new bed.

I told you this would happen. Project time.

See...Jayna wants a big girl bed for her birthday. In THIS heat at THIS rate, she'll get it by Christmas.

When I asked her what kind of big girl bed she wanted, she told me she wanted to sleep on the couch. Day bed it is. But the cool thing about this bed? It's a platform bed with tons of storage underneath. I found the plans on the Ana White website for 2 different beds and combined them to make just what we want. While it's a LOT more work, it will be cheaper and very sturdy and well made. Here's the plan...

The headboard and sides from this one...

And the platform from this one.

It will be precisely what we need for storage and what she wants to sleep on.

Chris got many of the platform pieces cut on Sunday and I began sanding them.

Did I mention that I HATE sanding? Well, I do.

Anyhoodles, I'm anxious for this heat wave to be over so I can get back into the garage and work on the bed. She's expecting it in a month. Exactly ONE MONTH from today. The finish work alone will take me 2 weekends.

My brother and my nephew came over Sunday morning after we went to the home improvement store. Anthony, 8 years old, swam in the small pool in the backyard with Jayna. She thought it was the greatest thing EVER that her cousin swam in her pool with her. They had a great time and then Jayna took a 3.5 hour nap. I guess the water, heat and sun really take it out of a 3-year-old.

On Sunday night, our friends Erik and Janette came over for dinner and some hanging out. We enjoyed their company and they enjoyed the remainder of our Farmer's Market green beans and sweet corn.

Oh...and they're moving to Germany next week. While I don't see them often, just knowing that they won't be 40 or so minutes from where we live for the next year is devastating to me. I love both of them dearly and they will be missed.

And we'll have one HELL of a party when they get back. :)

What did YOU do this weekend?

February 2011 Six Pix

2011-07-15T16:19:00.000-04:00

February was the debut of my iPhone. There are pros and cons to that situation in the area of photos.

I take atleast 50 photos a month with my phone. I run most of them through Instagram and post them to Facebook...all from my iPhone. It's so much easier than uploading just one or two pictures from my actual camera just to put them on Facebook.

In the month of February, I took a total of 42 pictures. That's NOTHING compared to most months. But half of those were iPhone photos.

Anyhooters, my point is that atleast I have the ability to take on-the-fly photos with my phone. That means that I TAKE more pictures. But that means that a lot of them aren't very good quality and rarely make it anywhere except to Facebook.

Here are February's Six:

Camera photo. This was Chris' first time playing in 10 years in a band for an audience. While the band has since parted ways, he gained so much musical knowledge and confidence in his playing over that time period. Big things are coming for him.

Camera photo. KT went with me to Chris' show to support him. Even though it was in a high school gym. In Martinsville. On a Friday night. She's a good friend.

iPhone photo. Jayna and I made the Valentine's for her preschool friends this year. These were for the boys. On the back, they said, "Best fishes on Valentine's Day."

iPhone photo. When I asked Jayna what she wanted to get for her friends for Valentine's Day, she said hair barrettes. So I crocheted some flowers and glued them to barrettes. The little girls still wear them. The owl was the Valentine card for the girls...also made my ~~Jayna~~ ME.

iPhone photo. It's NEVER too cold to swing. NEVER. I love the perspective of this photo. It's whimsical to me. :)

iPhone photo. This was the first thing that Jayna built all by herself with her blocks. It's a robot.

As you can see, more photos from my phone than from my camera.

What did YOU do in February?

January 2011 Six Pix

2011-07-13T16:00:00.001-04:00

I've been putting off Six Pix for this particular month. For a very particular reason.
I'm still...STILL...dealing with the Morgan's death. It doesn't get easier. I still cry sometimes when I think about it. I still miss him horribly. He was a part of my life for 10 years and that doesn't just go away.

I can finally look at these pictures and atleast not completely lose it. I thought for months about deleting all of them. I felt like they were sort of morbid pictures. I've since come to my senses and realized that they provide a sense of closure for me.

This was Jayna's final goodbye to Moe on January 7th. She didn't understand, of course. She asked where he was as soon as she got home from school. She still asks about him from time to time and tells random people at random times that he "went to a better place where he can fly." :)

After I dropped Jayna off at school that morning, I came home before taking Moe to the vet and finished crocheting this cowl. I had to occupy my mind for the 2 hours before his appointment. It is my favorite thing that I've crocheted to date. This one was for KT, but I'll be making myself one this winter.

This is the last photo that was taken of me and my first child. I love you, Captain Morgan.

Chris, Ollie and Moe. Family is who you make it.

The very next day, January 8th, was my stepdad, Roger's, retirement party. We surprised him...and it worked!!! He had NO idea!

This is my sister-in-law, Summer, drinking 2 bottles of champagne. This picture just makes me laugh.

What did YOU do in January??

Thoughts on Thursday: Time Crunch

2011-07-07T13:49:00.001-04:00

I don't know why I don't really blog anymore. I want to. I just feel like it's ONE more thing taking away from the LIVING of my life.

I know I just said this in my last entry. I know.

But I feel like I should be documenting things better. It's the writer in me.

I know...I said that too.

I've also become really bad at uploading pictures from my camera and to various places such as Facebook and the blog.

I blame the iPhone. No, really. I do.

I take entirely too many pictures with my iPhone. It's easier. WAY easier. But I'm too tech-stupid to figure out how to get the pictures en masse from my phone to a computer.

Half-assed excuse? YOU BETCHA. That's what I'm good at...and I generally stick to what I'm good at.

So...here is my resolution: Beginning next week, I resolve to dedicate 2 hours per week of my free home time after Jayna goes to bed to dealing with photos and blogging. I also resolve to take atleast one photo per day WITH A CAMERA (or else figure out the whole iPhone/picture thing).

Y'all will hate me in 2 months. Why? Wait until you see all the catching up you'll have to read.

Better time management. It's gotta happen.

How do you all manage your lives? Do you document things through writing? Photos? If so, how in the bloody HELL do you keep up? I'd love some tips.

Motormouth Monday: Will she ever shut up?!?

2011-06-27T13:48:00.000-04:00

I used to live for blogging. It must be the writer in me. Now I seem to just blog about living. It seems I'm always just doing a bulleted list of updates or I only blog when something extreme happens...you know, extremely frustrating, extremely funny or extremely interesting.
But there are those times when I just write because I haven't written for awhile. Most of the time, those end up being the my favorite posts.

Sometimes I write about milestones. Like learning to walk, learning to jump, learning to potty on the potty. Learning to curse.

Yep. You read it right. Learning to curse. That's a fairly new one. Jayna likes to insert "hell" into her sentences. Like last week when she couldn't find her bracelet and asked rhetorically, "Where the hell did I put my bracelet?"

I want to laugh and scold at the same time. My theory on children cursing (opinion formulated from experience) is that the more attention I give said cursing, the more she'll do it. Of course at this point she only does this at home. I may change my mind when she screams out the F bomb in the middle of the mall. We do NOT curse at our house when Jayna is there. If we do, it's a very intense situation and we apologize for using curse words. I also make her apologize for cursing, but I don't put her in time out or scold her heavily. I just say, "That's a no-no word. Say you're sorry and don't say it anymore."

She was bound to learn. That's just how the world works.

Our most recent milestone is what I'd like to refer to as the "motormouth" milestone.

That kid NEVER shuts up. Seriously.

Here is one of her rants from this morning:

Me: Jayna, it's time to brush your teeth and put up your hair.
Jayna: Okay, mommy. After I brush my teeth and get my hair in a bow, can I play in my room? I think I wanna play doll house. Or maybe read my fairy book. But first I brush my teeth. Can you not set the timer today, mommy? You can just tell me when it's time to go instead of setting the timer. I won't throw a fit. MOMMY!!! I LOVE YOUR SHIRT! LOOK...IT MATCHES MY DRESS!!!!! THEY'RE BOTH BLUE! I wanna play doll house. I love you, mommy. Can I wear flip flops today? But if it's raining I'll have to wear a jacket.

Oh. My. Lord.

If I ran all that together without spaces, it would be a way better illustration of how this kid works. She does NOT stop talking. She doesn't even give me a chance to answer her questions.

We were 10 minutes late to school this morning due to the fact that she wouldn't stop talking and asking questions and GET IN THE FREAKIN' CAR.

Here is that rant (as we were walking out the door):

Me: Let's get in the car, Jaynie. It's time to go.
Jayna: Mommy!! It's raining!! LOOK!!! The flowers are growing! Is it raining because the flowers are growing? Noooooo, mommy. That's silly. The flowers are growing because they got rained on. Those are growing too!! LOOOOOK MOMMY!!!! ALL the flowers are growing!! And the grass. Is that bird growing, mommy? My flip flops will get wet if I walk in the grass. I will go the long way around the car so my flip flops stay dry. Can I take my bracelet into school? No, I will just leave it in the car and get it after school. Can I watch George after school? MOMMY!!! We're going to the grocery after school. Are we going to the grocery after school? Is daddy going? Can we...
Me: GET IN THE CAR. WE'RE LATE!!!

After I typed that, I sighed very heavily. And that about sums it up.

I LOVE that she's observing the world around her and correcting her own logic mistakes and using her curiosity and rationale and answering her own questions. I absolutely love it.

You know what else I'd love? If she'd learn to multi-task. As in talk while walking to the car instead of STANDING STILL UNTIL I HAVE TO CUT HER OFF AND DRAG HER THERE.

It's like when a dog gets on a scent trail. Nothing matters except that trail. That's Jayna with her little rants. And unlike when she just asks me a single question and will continue asking the question OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN until I answer her (even if it's only a couple of seconds delay), she doesn't care if her questions are answered when she gets on one of these rants.

It's actually quite hilarious.

When I don't have anywhere to be, I just let her go. I don't urge her to do other things or answer her questions myself. I love just listening to where her mind takes her. I call it "embracing her creativity."

I kind of want her to stay this age. For a LONG time. I will really miss 3 years old.

Three-Year-Olds: A New Breed

2011-06-15T15:20:00.001-04:00

As a mother of a 3-year-old (I am fully aware that she isn't 3 yet. It's just way easier to say that than almost-3-year-old), I know that I'm in for it.

And by "it" I mean that my patience will be tried. My will will be tested. My persistence will be pushed to the limit. And my sanity? Well, that's long gone anyway.

A very common phrase in my parenting vocabulary is, and I quote, "Fine. I don't care. Do whatever you want." This is usually the context:

Jayna: Mommy, can I go outside?
Me: Sure, put on your flops.
Jayna: I don't want to wear shoes. It's summer anyway. It's warm.
Me: I don't want you to hurt your feet when you try to stop the swing.
Jayna: I won't. I don't want to wear shoes.
Me: Put your shoes on!! I'm the adult. You aren't. Put your shoes on.
Jayna: But mommy, I don't like shoes all the time.
Me: Fine. I don't care. Do whatever you want.

I'm slowly learning that I should choose my battles more wisely.

I spent approximately 8 years of my childhood, give or take, shoeless. So, really...who cares? Me. I do. In the spirit of trying to be a responsible parent. But in the process of the spirit of being a responsible parent (diagram THAT, Ms. Rhinesmith), I am in essence calling my parents irresponsible. And, regardless if they were or not, I turned out okay. And the fact that Jayna never wants to wear shoes probably won't prevent her from going to Harvard. Or from joining the circus. Probably one more than the other, but I'll support her either way.

This entire blog entry started out with a digression. It's how I roll.

My long-winded point of the above example is that I know I'm in for it.

I just didn't know just HOW "in" for "it" I was.

Of course, there was no way of knowing that. I guess I could've listened to my parents when they tried to warn me. And I *almost* didn't smile when I typed that.

What it comes down to is that 3 years old comes with a whole new set of issues. We're past the weaning of the boob/bottle. We're past the sleeping in a crib. We're past the potty training. And we're on to more advanced con-artist techniques. More sneaky "anti-truths." More fluttering of those gorgeous little eyelashes More elephant tears. More hugging of the leg and "I love you, mommy."

She's becoming me.

I mean me when I was little. She isn't nearly as advanced as I am now. And hopefully I can thwart that somehow until she moves out and is on her own. In my dreams, I'm thinking.

She is sassy. She uses my own words against me. She repeats all of my favorite phrases and uses them in the correct context. She thinks she's a mom. Of me. And that shit doesn't fly.

Jayna: I don't want to brush my teeth!!
Me: Too bad!! We brush our teeth EVERY morning. Let's go. We don't want to be late.
Jayna: I don't want to!!
Me: I don't care! Let's go.
Jayna: No, mommy...I DON'T CARE!!! Don't say 'I don't care' to me. If you say that to me again, you get a time out.
Me: Well, you just earned yourself a time out for sassing. Go to the time out chair.
Jayna: I don't have to go to time out if I don't want to.
Me: Now you get 2 time outs.
Jayna: I don't care!!! If we're late for school, you're in trouble mommy!!! No television!

Speechless. She renders me speechless. Partly because she's using my only act as her own. And partly because if I speak, laughter will spill out of me. It really is so funny and frustrating at the same time.

All of that brought me to this story:

Last week, our baby monitor broke. I refuse to buy a new one seeing as how Jayna is 3 and we have no plans of having more children. What I didn't realize was just how dependent I was upon that baby monitor.

Okay, I DID realize it. I did. And that's why I still kept it. Because I love to hear her sing herself to sleep. Call me a sap.

But, in my defense, she was apparently dependent upon it also. She found comfort that we could hear her if she needed something. And she no longer has that.

At first, we just didn't tell her that it broke. We just listened for her with our ears (and in our TINY house that isn't hard) and went from there. Well, Monday night, Chris and I spent some time outside after Jayna went to bed.

And then pandamonium ensued.

I went in to get a drink and heard Jayna crying. I went to her room and asked what was wrong. She had to potty. So we went potty. I asked her how long she'd been crying...she said "a long time." I felt bad because she did look as though she had been crying for some time. As she was going potty, I told her that the baby monitor broke and that Chris and I couldn't hear her anymore if we were outside or in certain places in the house. I told her that if she needed to go potty that she had to get up, come out of her room and find one of us. Easy enough.

**WRONG ANSWER!!!! Sorry..."Toooooooo Easy" was what we were looking for. Your consolation prize is waiting for you: An undisclosed amount of nights of the 3-year-old getting out of her bed no less than 80 times in a given night at various times allowing you NO free time after she goes to bed.**

How is that a consolation?? Yeah...it isn't.

I put her back in bed. I picked up the phone and dialed it. I said, "Hi...." and then I turned around. There she was...just standing behind me. "I'll call you back."

I looked at Jayna and said, "What do you need?" She responded with, "Umm...I...uhh....have to potty?" And put her hands in the air and shrugged her shoulders.

Potty, my ass. She just had to test my "get up, come out of your room and find me" theory.

I put her back in bed and explained to her that she couldn't just get up whenever she wanted to for whatever reason. My words: "If you get out of your bed and come find me, it has to be for a good reason...like you have to potty. You can't just get up whenever you want. It's bedtime."

She got up one more time after that and then went to sleep. I was just SURE that I disarmed the situation.

Wow...I'm 2 for 2 on the wrong answers. I have so much faith in myself as a parent.

Yesterday was a challenge. The whole day. She was okay in the morning aside from one small fit that was ignored. And she stopped.

I'm starting to think that ignoring the kid is the way to go. If I ignore her, she stops doing what I want her to stop doing.

"But you can't just ignore you kid all the time, lady. I think there's a name for that...and it is 'neglect.'"

But what if I promise to only ignore her when she's being A CRAZED LUNATIC. Will that be okay? Yes it will. I think that's what I'm supposed to do when she throws a fit anyway. It'll be nice to try doing something the "right" way for once.

So last night was horrible. It started with a heated argument and fit in the car. She got a time out for sassing and what I believe to be cursing at me. It was said through lots of tears, but it sure did sound like she said, "What the hell you say to me, mommy?" I let that slide based on the fact that she had already gotten a time out.

By the time we got to dinner time, she'd had 3 time outs and gotten television taken away. That, my friends, is unheard of for Miss Jaynie.

After dinner was a bit more subdued. And then a screaming fit at bathtime.

Finally we were at bedtime and I couldn't have been more excited. I was over the fits and the sassing and the screaming and the crying and the throwing herself on the floor.

Oh, and the falling down on the floor and then saying, "You knocked me down, mommy." I forgot to mention that one. And that one just straight up pisses me off. I was nowhere NEAR her at those times when she fell down on the floor and said that. And I won't stand for that. That one earns her a one-way ticket to a 3 minute time out (her time outs are still 1-2 minutes because we don't have to do it that often.).

She went potty and then went to bed. Chris and I went out to the patio thinking that she'd go right to sleep because she was super tired. Hence all the bad behavior.

And her second wind kicked in.

I was in the house trying on a dress I'd bought. She came storming in my bedroom. "I have to potty!!"

Three drops of pee later, she was back in her bed.

I was sitting at the patio table. I thought I heard something behind me. She was standing at the sliding door knocking. I went in and asked her what was wrong. "Something's itching me in my bed."

A bed inspection and a lame-ass "Maybe it's the tag on your blanket." excuse on my part later, she was back in bed again.

Repeat the sliding door routine.

I sent Chris this time. He changed her shorts because they were itching her and put her back in bed.

Repeat the sliding door routine.

I went in and asked her what was wrong. "My bottom itches."

I wiped her with some baby wipes and put her back to bed. This time I decided to stay in because I was tired of going in and out.

She began to cry about 5 minutes later.

I went into her room. "I still itch."

I put lotion on her and told her that it made it so she would NOT itch anymore. (Keep in mind that when I would ask her where she itched, she'd point to a different random body part everytime. With absolutely NO evidence of scratching.)

She began to cry 5 minutes later.

I sent Chris. "I heard a noise."

He told her to stop crying and getting up and GO TO SLEEP.

She began to cry 5 minutes later.

I went in and...I'm not sure what I said. But she barely made a peep after that time.

What did I WANT to say to her? GO THE F**K TO SLEEP.

When I posted on Facebook about this problem last night, I got a link to that book. Yes, it is a real book. There is also a Youtube video of Samuel L. Jackson reading it, but to view it, you have to sign in. If any of you parents would like to read it and NOT buy it, I have it saved as a PDF file that I can email (Thanks, Kellie!!). Leave your email in the comments (don't worry, I won't publish if you don't want me to) and I'll send it along. It's refreshing.

While it isn't a book that helped...or even a book that I could read to Jayna, it made me realize that I'm not the first parent that's gone through this. And I won't be the last.

Keep calm and carry on. And then write a book about how you feel...without holding back. I apparently worked for Adam Mansbach.

I don't know how long this will last, but one thing is for sure: WHEN THIS ISSUE PUTS ITSELF TO REST, THERE WILL BE 3 NEW ONES TO REPLACE IT.

I'm sooo freakin' in for it.

Movies with Toddlers

2011-06-09T14:11:00.000-04:00

How many of you have watched a movie with an almost-3-year-old?
Well, then you understand the enjoyment paired with the agony. All the emotions. All the questions. All the repeating of the lines. Simultaneously cute and excruciating.

I decided a few days ago that it was time to introduce Jayna to one of my all-time favorite childhood non-cartoon movies EVER. The Sandlot.

Haven't seen it? FOR SHAME! Go watch it. Now. I'll wait.

Okay, now that we're all on the same page...
I'm not sure what my motivation was for letting an almost-3-year-old watch a movie that I first watched when I was....wait for it.....THIRTEEN. Yes. I was 13. A teenager. And teenagers know one of two things. Either A. That insults like "pee-drinking crapface" should NOT be used. Ever. Or B. That insults like "pee-drinking crapface" should be stored away in the memory for future use. (I was in the B. category. But y'all already knew that.)

Almost-3-year-olds think those kinds of insults should be immediately repeated at RECORD VOLUMES...and multiple times. A very HIGH multiple of times.

When she heard "can't-hack-it pantywaist who wears your mama's bra," she, without missing a beat, walked right over to Ollie and said, "Hey Ollie! You're a can't-hack-it pantywaist!" And proceeded to laugh her ass off.

What would possess me to do this to myself?? As I sat there next to her and let her watch this seemingly innocent movie about some boys who lose their baseball to a dog, I couldn't help but think of all of the impending scenarios that would evolve from this experience.

Picture it: Sam's Club, Greenwood. Now imagine the story of Jayna telling the woman her hair was silly. What if she'd seen The Sandlot back then? Maybe her insult would've been much more advanced. Like, "Hey lady...you eat dog crap for breakfast!"

I"m not sure if that would have been funnier or more horrifying. Probably both.

At one point Benny (one of the main characters) yells, "OH SHIT!!!" as he is jumping over a fence. Jayna looked up at me, covered her mouth with her hand and said, "Mommy, he said a bad word." So atleast I have THAT going for me. She knows what bad words are.

Again...I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

It will be of my OWN devices if I get called any of the following in the next few weeks: scab eater, fart smeller, butt sniffer, pus licker, buffalo butt breath, or just plain ol' moron.

And some of my personal favorites: "You mix your Wheaties with your mom's toe jam." and "You know, if my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt and tell him to walk backwards."

And then, of course, you have the classic "L7 weenie" exchange. But I digress.

I suppose that eventually she was going to be exposed to all of this. I feel sort of like a pioneer for just going ahead and exposing her myself.

And again....good or bad? Not so sure.

The most awesome part of this story was that my almost-3-year-old sat through an ENTIRE movie. Given, it was over the course of 2 days, but she understood (for the most part) what was going on, asked questions when she got confused, knew SOME of what she shouldn't repeat, and had generally a great time watching a whole movie that is NOT a cartoon.

Seeing the emotions on her face as things happened was priceless. She got slightly scared when Squintz is telling the story of "the beast," but she looked up at me and said, "It's just a show, mommy."

She laughed her little butt off when the dog chases Benny through town, especially when the dog jumps through the back of the movie screen. She let out the cutest (and loudest) squeal laugh. Adorable.

She was extremely worried and sad when the fence fell on Hercules and Smalls was saying that the dog was hurt. She kept asking me, "Mommy...is the doggy gonna be alright? He's gonna be alright? He didn't get hurt?" Her concern was a little overwhelming. I thought she'd have trouble realizing that it was just a movie at that point, but when Hercules got up and kissed Smalls, she said, "The show doggy is okay!!!" And did a dance. :)

Overall, this was a seemingly everyday experience that turned into much more for me. Jayna, at just almost-3-years-old, roughly followed the plot of an entire movie. She knew that it was "just a movie" but still got into it enough that it held her interest. She understood some of what she should and shouldn't say. And she really enjoyed herself. Just like I did when I first watched The Sandlot. And she's already asked to watch it again.

I'll remember that first non-cartoon movie viewing forever. Especially when Jayna's a teenager, turns to me and says, "You're killin' me, Smalls." I'll get frustrated at first, and then I'll be glad that, out of ALL the alternatives, THAT was the line from that movie that stuck with her.

What was your favorite childhood movie?

Don't call it a comeback....

2011-06-03T10:57:00.000-04:00

I've missed you, blog friends.

May 20, 2011 was the last time I blogged. Exactly 2 weeks. Were you all wondering if I was raptured?

Yeah, didn't think so.

I have no less than eleventyjillion things to say. Yes, they are mostly about my child. And I don't care if you like it or not.

Intermittent Alternating Exotropia
First thing's first: Jayna's eyes. She actually has Intermittent Alternating Exotropia. NOT Esotropia. Esotropia means the eye turns inward. Exotropia means the eye turns outward. I'll explain this as best as I can with the knowledge I have of it. Bear with me. When Jayna focuses on an object in the distance, the eye that she is focusing with is looking straight, but the other eye is turned slightly outward. She can focus with both eyes and she can even do both eyes at the same time, but most of the time one eye or the other wanders to the outside. I think back in the day they called this "lazy eye." Her vision is perfect. She does not require corrective lenses, therefore glasses will not help her condition. Glasses would only help if her vision was off. Since it isn't, we are doing occlusion therapy. For one hour a day, she has to wear an eye patch on alternating eyes. MWF-Left, TRS-Right. And we take the day off on Sunday. On the first day, I put one of the sticky bandaid type of eye patches on her. It nearly pulled her skin off when she peeled it off. She then requested that I buy her a "pretty eye patch." So I bought 2 plain black eye patches for $1.79 each at Walgreens and decorated them with various craft supplies in my neverending stash. She loves them.

I asked the doctor a gamut of questions regarding what we would endure if the eye patch thing didn't work. He said sometimes glasses (not in her case), sometimes they grow out of it, and sometimes eye muscle surgery is necessary. I asked the likelihood of the growing out of it and the surgery and he said, "She's just so young. It isn't causing her any stress or pain. She can see well and she doesn't need glasses at this point. It's too early to tell." So...there you have it. She has another appointment at the end of August to follow up.

A funny eye doc story: After the nurse put dilating drops in her eyes, we had to go back to the waiting room for 20 minutes to let the drops take effect. There is a foyer between all the suites in the building and all the suites have glass doors. The bathrooms and elevators are out in the foyer. We went to the bathroom and came back to the office. One of the glass doors was propped open. Jayna was directly behind me. I went through the propped open door and then promptly heard a THUD. I turned around and saw Jayna sitting on her butt on the foyer floor. SHE HAD RUN INTO THE CLOSED GLASS DOOR!!! She just looked up at me and said, "I silly, mommy." And then laughed. The entire waiting room of patients laughed too. She liked that. :)

Excuses, excuses.
Jayna now uses the excuse, "I'm tired." any time she doesn't want to do something. It goes something like this:

Jayna: I'm done with my dinner.
Me: No you aren't. You've eaten 3 bites.
Jayna: But I'm tiiiiiiiiiiireeeddddddd.
Me: No excuses. You can go to bed right after dinner. No playing. No television.
Jayna: I don't waaaaaant to go to bed.
Me: I thought you said you were tired?
Jayna: (deer in headlights look)

I've learned now over the course of 2 months that the fastest way to diffuse her from this excuse is to simply say, "I don't care. Brush your teeth anyway." It may sound mean, but come live in my house for a week and see how long your patience lasts with that excuse.

About a week ago, Chris, Jayna and I went to our favorite Mexican restaurant on a random Wednesday for dinner. She quickly started the, "I'm tiiiiiirrreeedddddd." about 5 bites into her food. I looked over at her and said, "I don't care. Eat your dinner anyway." End of story. She ate with a little whining and then we went home.

When we got home, she put her shoes directly in the middle of the entryway. I tripped over them. I got angry, but I kept my composure. This was our exchange:

Me: Jayna, come put your shoes in the closet.
Jayna: I will do it later.
Me: You'll do it now. I just tripped over them and I don't want anyone to get hurt. Please put your shoes in the closet.
Jayna: I SAID I DO IT LATER, MOMMY!!
Me: Okay. Two choices...put your shoes away or time out.
Jayna: I don't care mommy. I not go to time out anyway.

I swear I can't say ANYTHING without her using it against me. I have a feeling I'm in deep trouble when she gets older. And I think she's going to be a lawyer when she grows up. Or a con man. You know...to-mayto, to-mahto. (Haha! I kill myself!!)

Put me in, coach.
I haven't started running again yet. Too busy with other things. About twice a week Jayna asks me, "Mommy, did you run today?" When I say no, she automatically, without hesitation, says, "Why? You need to run." I think Chris has something to do with this.

Who the hell is Clackly??
She has several imaginary friends. She was driving her fairy car (thankyouverymuch HOLLY) around the house a few weeks ago and she kept saying the jibberish word "Clackly." I asked her several times what it meant and she'd always say, "I'm just playing, mommy." or (one of her favorites), "I'm busy right now, mommy." Finally I pulled her aside and said, "Jayna, mommy would really like to know what that word means." She got a little tearful and said in a stern voice, "He's my FRIEND, mommy." And stomped off.

I've read up a little on imaginary friends. There are (as with everything regarding toddlers) conflicting theories. It makes me a little angry that some of the theories suggest having another child so "the child isn't lonely in everyday life." What if I COULDN'T have another child. How would it make a woman incapable of having more children feel if she read that and then couldn't provide a sibling. Jerks. Jayna is NOT lonely. She has friends at school. She has her family. And she has friends who are her age that she sees regularly. I call bullshit on that theory.

Dream a little dream.
At 3:30 this morning, Chris and I woke up to the baby monitor. Jayna was screaming, "Mommy mommy!!! I have to go potty!!!" Chris ended up jumping out of bed faster than me to go get her. When I got to her room she was walking to the bathroom. She said, "I heard talking in my bed." I went to her room and made sure there were no toys turned on in her toybox. That's happened before. I stood and just listened to make sure I couldn't hear anything else in there. I could only hear the hum of her sound sleeper machine and her humidifier. I went to our spare bedroom to make sure the computer speakers were turned off. They were. She was very freaked out. Chris put her back in bed, sat with her for 5 minutes or so and then came back to bed. Within one minute, she was crying for me. I went in to see what was wrong and she was just standing in the middle of her room crying. Chris followed me in. She said, "There's something in my bed. I heard talking." We then agreed that she'd had a dream.

I went back to bed. Chris sat with her for another 10 minutes or so and explained to her that she'd had a dream and that there was nothing to be afraid of. He told her that there was nothing in her bed and that it was safe for her to go to sleep.

He came back to bed. Again...within one minute she was crying for me. I went in and she was heading for her door. She said, "There's a dream in my bed, mommy." I hid my laughter. I explained to her that dreams are in our heads. You can't touch them. They are "like when you think." I told her that one time I had a dream that I was flying. That some dreams are good dreams. She sat on my lap for a few minutes, I gave her an extra stuffed animal (her "George" monkey who seemingly protects her) and left Chris to sit with her. At 4:10am, he finally came back to bed. And sometime after that, she finally went back to sleep. Chris and I, however, did not. We were both worried about what could have freaked her out so bad.

We were both hoping that by this morning, she'd have forgotten about it. Notsomuch. She talked about it no less than 10 times by the end of breakfast. We even had this exchange:

Jayna: I sleeping on the couch tonight, mommy.
Me: No you aren't.
Jayna: Yes, mommy. I not sleep in my bed.
Me: Why? Why won't you sleep in your bed. Your bed is comfy and just the right size for you. And all of you animals and blankies are in there.
Jayna: But there's a dream in my bed, mommy. I not sleep in my bed till you get that dream out.
Me: You want me to get the dream out of your bed?
Jayna: Yeah. It talked to me and scared me. You get that dream outta my bed mommy?
Me: You bet I will. Right after school, we'll get that dream out of your bed!! We'll tell it to go somewhere else!!

Oh, the things we do as parents.

So now I have to go "wash that dream right outta her bed." Or something. Maybe I'll also make some "Dream Spray" (you know, like "Monster Spray") and spray that. Anything that will let me sleep past 3:30am. Seriously.

So there's my world. How's yours?

Five for Friday: The Rapture and Subsequent End of Days

2011-05-20T14:12:00.000-04:00

I have done my homework. I know all about the rapture on Saturday and the end of the world to come 5 months later.

I know about the earthquakes and the dead bodies and the zombies and the aliens and...oh, wait. I *may* be exaggerating about some of that. But would it really be anymore or any less believable if I added in zombies and aliens??

No? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

"Now, if you keep talking like that, you're definitely NOT going to heaven. You'll have to deal with all those dead bodies and locusts and stuff."

Well, I have unfinished business here...and I'd rather be left here on earth amongst the death and destruction and be surrounded by my family/friends/posse/homies/bitches/whatever than to go to heaven with a bunch of people I don't even really know.

In the name of trying to stay positive, there are certain things that I would absolutely NOT miss if the world ended.

And I present to you...Five for Friday: Things I won't miss if the world ends.

Taylor Swift. ALL of her songs are about the same thing. They all sound the same. They all SUCK MAJOR ASS. I'm starting to think Kanye was onto something there. Okay, no I'm not, because he's a douche...but still. She bugs me with her tiny head and her GIGANTIC hair that looks like a wig. Am I the only one who thinks that? That her hair looks like a wig? I can't be the only one. Right? RIGHT?!?
Spam email from companies trying to sell me Viagra. I could go on and on about this, but since I try to keep it clean around here (Oh, C'MON!!! I didn't say spotless!!!), I'll let it be. If I wanted to get ahold of some Viagra, the last thing I'd do is give my credit card number to a dude who lives in a country that I'm pretty sure doesn't even exist. I'd just break into the pharmacy and steal it like a regular person.
Twitter hashtags. #effingridiculous. That is all.
Dora The Explorer. Of all the cartoon characters, including Spongebob, I want to punch her in the face the most. If Jayna requests a Dora cake for her birthday, it will officially be the first time I tell her no after giving her a choice. Watching that show is so excruciating. Seriously.
The phrase, "Just saying." Wouldn't it be the icing on the cake if, in 5 months, we were all just standing around in the rubble and out of the sky we heard, "Just saying!!!" and then a fireball crashed down on us and it all just ended? I'm pretty sure that God would appreciate the humor in that.

What will you NOT miss??

December Six(+12) Pix

2011-05-19T11:46:00.000-04:00

I have a dozen things to blog about and no desire to do any of it. I have been beyond busy, but bored at the same time. Busy at work, but sometimes bored at home. I'll get to that entry later.
So, for posterity...

December was a huge month. Obviously, there was Christmas. At 4 places. Then there was Chris' birthday...which gets it's very own post. Then there was our visit to The Children's Museum. And then the Eiteljorg Museum. And...my point is that there is NO WAY I could limit this to 6 pictures. No. Way.

I'm unsure of what I've blogged about and what I haven't, so bear with me. I haven't the patience to go searching through my archives right now.

At the beginning of December, a commercial on PBS for The Children's Museum caught Jayna's attention. All because of what they call the Yule Slide. If you are unfamiliar, the Yule Slide is a big giant slide that stretches from the second floor down to the first floor of our Children's Museum. She asked me every dang day for almost 3 weeks if we could go to the Museum and go on the Yule Slide. I commissioned our friends Layla, Laura and Lee to go with us so that Jayna would have another little girl to hang out with. We all had tons of fun.

Family Photo under the glass sculpture.

The dads and the girls waiting in line to go on the beloved Yule Slide.

The dads and the girls coming down the slide. They ALL (dads included) immediately wanted to go again.

Christmas around our parts is busy. My dad's side of the family decided to do family Christmas a few days before Christmas. Jayna had fun visiting with people she doesn't get to see often. And she liked her books and train set too!!

Christmas with the Mathis family. That seemingly grown up girl to the right of Jayna is ShiAnn. I remember when Shi was BORN and now she is in HIGH SCHOOL. Whatever. I'm not old. Jayna took right to her.

Chris and I have taken the great honor of hosting Christmas Eve at our house. We like it that way because we don't have to cart around the child...and we can have a few more than 2 drinks. We do appetizer foods and gingerbread house decorating. We always have lots of fun.

Christmas Eve at my house. Christmas Eve wouldn't be complete without Dos Equis Ambar and an injury. A couple nights earlier while making cupcakes, I got my finger caught in the electric mixer. I mean...I as fighting a bear. And you should see the bear. He's lucky to still be alive. :)

Making gingerbread houses is a tradition we started many years ago. Like...ONE year ago. We all had so much fun doing it, but this year wasn't as easy. The icing wouldn't set up which made for a rough go. Jayna had that icing ALL OVER the place...including herself.

Fun times. LOTS of candy. And even more frustration.

The loser. This started out as my mom's. She gave up because the icing wouldn't work. My brother and I took over and turned it into a rocketship that was being attacked by a green alien gumdrop dude. We're creative like that.

The winner. This was Roger's. He didn't have any difficulty at all. I don't know what he did to his icing, but it worked while the rest of us were cussing at it.

Getting cookies and milk for Santa. Oh, and carrots for the reindeer. Don't forget the dang carrots.

Christmas morning was soooo fun this year!! Jayna was so excited that Santa brought her all sorts of cool presents. Her favorite was definitely her dollhouse. She loves it. After gifts at our house, we went to Nana M's and then on to Nana B's.

OOOHHHH!!! A giant dollhouse!!

Opening gifts at Nana M's.

Opening gifts at Nana B's.

Moe hanging out on Christmas evening. One of the last photos of him.

Chris' brother, Steve, and his wife, Aimee, are expecting their first child, a little girl, in July. They told us by sending Jayna a gift that was a shirt. It says, "I'm going to be a big cousin!" So cute!!

Jayna received this special gift on Christmas Eve. She is going to have a cousin!!! Congrats, Steve and Aimee!!!

Jayna loves trains. She has a train set and loves cartoons about trains (but, interestingly enough, she hates Thomas the Train). The Eiteljorg Museum had a really cool exhibit called Jingle Rails. All sorts of trains were in the exhibit along with many different scenarios (Mount Rushmore, City of Indianapolis, Grand Canyon) all made out of natural materials. I think I loved it more than she did. The Eiteljorg has a children's area now too. Jayna really enjoyed playing in the stage coach and trying on the pretty dresses.

At the Eiteljorg Museum. Jayna looooooves dresses and these were not an exception to that rule. Spanish dancing dresses.

Union Station in the Jingle Rails Exhibit. This exhibit was worth the money and the enormous line. So awesome.

Family photo in a stage coach at the Eiteljorg. Pretty cool.

What did y'all do in December?

All-time Biggest Backfire: Toddler Edition

2011-05-12T11:00:00.000-04:00

The funny thing about having an almost-3-year-old is that they are easily manipulated.

And I wonder where she learns her techniques. Geez...some role model I am.

Toddlers really get a kick out of people laughing at them. So, if they do something and people laugh, they'll continue to do it. It's my favorite.

Like the time Jayna was speaking gibberish and I asked her if she was speaking German. She replied with, "YOU'RE a German, mommy!!!" Like I insulted her and she was retorting. It made me laugh so hard that I couldn't contain myself. As soon as she saw Chris and I laugh, she called people "Germans" for a week.

And I'm sure I got looks behind my back in public.

But do you know how exhausting it would be to explain all the things my kid blurts out and/or does in public??

Like that time she schooled that lady at Sam's Club. Nothing I could've said to that lady would've made anything better. So I just had to let it go.

I do occasionally see people look our way with a confused grimace on their faces when Jayna says certain things. I think it's kind of funny. People are soooo judgemental. :)

And now we're to the actual story:

A couple of weeks ago, we went to Olive Garden to celebrate Chris' mom's birthday. There were a group of 10 of us. We had a really good time! Toward the end, my father-in-law (who LOVES to talk politics regardless of the occasion or the audience) started talking about...politics. All of us knew it wasn't the time or the place. I leaned over and whispered in Jayna's ear, "Tell pappaw, 'Don't talk about politics.'" She quietly said it, but just one time. We all laughed. I was sure it was just over at that point.

Two days later, I was putting Jayna's hair in a ponytail in preparation for school. She would NOT hold still. I used her hair to turn her head and told her to hold still. After I was finished, she turned around, looked at me through tears and said, "Mommy...don't talk polly chicks."

I had NO idea what she was saying. At first, I though she was telling me I needed to aplogize...to which i was saying, "Absolutely NOT!! You wouldn't hold still." She repeated herself several times, but I started to ignore her so she'd stop with her fit.

This happened over and over again over the course of the next 3 days. I'd get stern with her or raise my voice and she'd say, "Don't talk polly chicks to me, mommy!!"

One night when we were at the dinner table, I said the word "politics" to Chris. We weren't really talking about politics, I just said the word in conversation. That got her attention. "She looked at me, very seriously, and said sternly, "Don't you talk polly chicks to me, MOMMY!!! And not to daddy either!!"

And then it occurred to me.

I was pretty sure wine was going to come out of my nose from attempting to hold in the laughter. I didn't bother really explaining anything to her because I knew she wouldn't understand. I thought the phrase would just die and she'd forget.

But...we laughed at her. Twice at that point. And the phrase will NOT die.

We were at Target yesterday getting some new clothes and shoes for Jayna. Everytime we go to Target, she asks to look at the toys. She rarely asks for us to buy her anything, but she just likes to go back there and look at all the toys. We oblige because we have a good kid.

She was riding in the cart when I showed her some sandals that I wanted her to try on. She started to throw a fit. Well, she needs new sandals, so fit or not, she was GOING to try on those sandals.

I started to take her shoe off and she inevitably started screaming like I was ripping her leg off. I continued. It's important for kids to know that even if they embarrass you in public that they STILL WON'T WIN.

"But parenting isn't about winning, Danielle!! You should know that by now. Jayna's nearly 3 years old."

And the douche who just said that clearly has no children. Parenting IS about winning. It is about having a stronger will than a tiny person who doesn't care who she embarrasses while throwing a fit, what she breaks while throwing a fit, who she hurts while throwing a fit, or what the consequences of said fit will be.

It's all about winning. Trust me.

So, her screaming and kicking and throwing stuff out of the cart continued...and I continued to wrestle her foot into the new sandal. She kicked off the shoe she was wearing when I undid the strap and it landed somewhere about 30 feet away. I left it. I even kept a straight face and didn't yell or raise my voice. I just kept at the sandal.

After I got it onto her foot, she continued to throw the fit.

"I don't like you mommy!! Leave my shoes alone! I don't want to try on that new shoe!!! DON'T YOU TALK POLLY CHICKS TO ME MOMMY!!!! THAT'S MEAN!!!!!! NO POLLY CHICKS!!!"

That's when I smirked and chuckled a little. I couldn't hold it in anymore. A pregnant woman was there registering with her baby daddy . They looked over my way when they heard the "polly chicks" statement...with that confused grimace. As if to say, "What are you doing to your child and why is she telling you to not talk politics? You must be a horrible parent."

Aren't they in for a rude awakening.

I'm sure the people in electronics could hear her. And I didn't care. I said to her, "Now. I tried the new shoe on. And you are still okay. There was absolutely NO need for that fit because you know where it got you?? We don't get to go look at the toys now."

I'm not sure I've ever seen the look on her face at that moment. She got it.

She understood what the consequence was. And she stopped her fit. She was a complete angel for the remainder of the trip. That earned her back her "flushy" (slushy) and she was happy again.

You have to give a little. That's another "Tip for Stellar Parenting" from the book I'm going to write someday. :)

She didn't ask to go look at the toys again. She knew that was a lost cause.

I asked her later when we were at the check-out why she threw the fit. She looked at me as serious as she could and said, "Cause you talked polly chicks to me mommy. That not nice."

This one's NEVER gonna die.

Diary of a First-Time Mini Marathoner: Part II, The Funny

2011-05-10T11:38:00.000-04:00

If you've ever run or walked the Mini, ever been a spectator at the Mini, or watched some of the Mini news coverage on television, then you know there are tons of things to laugh at out there on the course and in the audience.

I'm not sure that I could put this into an organized form, so here is my random list of funny from the Mini:

Funny t-shirts worn by participants: "DO NOT PASS! Race Official" / "If Found, Please Drag to Finish Line" / "If you can read this, I'm not last" (that's my personal favorite) / "I AM running!" (followed by a picture of a turtle) / And an inspiring one that kept me going: "Pain is weakness leaving your body."
Random people who passed me: Two guys dressed like Gumby and one dressed like Pokey (yes, I see the irony in being beaten by Pokey). Two children. Three blind runners. A dude in a skirt and a big funny hat. A one-armed man with no shirt on. Two fire departments and one police department who were wearing ALL of their gear (approximately 65 lbs. of extra weight, I hear). And I wondered why morale was low....
Funny signs held by spectators: "Jen, this can't be worse than being married to me! Keep it up and good luck!!!" / "You're almost there!" (held at mile 2) / "Run like zombies are chasing you."
Sad funny experience: When I finished the race, I was extremely disoriented and emotional. I was handed a bottle of water and couldn't even open it. Next I was handed my medal that was wrapped in plastic so I couldn't put it around my neck. Next I was handed a Marsh bag to put things in, but I was already being pushed along, so I couldn't stop and rearrange the things in my arms. A man put a banana in the bag. I wanted to eat that banana SO bad, but I couldn't get to it to take the peeling off...and I'm not sure I could've because my hands were tight. The next guy put a granola bar in the bag. Again...damn wrapper. The next woman was holding a package of opened sugar cookies. They were opened!!! All I had to do was shove that cookie in my mouth! As I took the cookie out of her hand, I hugged her and almost started to cry. I said a very sincere "thank you" through my tears and immediately started eating that cookie. I'm sure that lady thought I was crazy, but she had a story to tell later. :)
Icky funny experience: I was told by more than one person to take toilet paper with me. "Just put it in the waistband of your pants in case you have to go before the race and the port-o-let is out of paper." So I did. I didn't have to use it before the race and I forgot about it. When I was inside the track and had to pee, I walked into the bathroom and there was a line of about 10 people, but there were also atleast 5 open bathroom stall doors. I asked the person up front, "Why aren't you going?!?" Her response was, "Well, that one is out of toilet paper, that door doesn't lock...." I was thinking, "Why are you people even here!!! I know I'm not fast, but who cares about an unlocked door!!!" So I went to the front of the line and went into one of the stalls with no toilet paper because..............I HAD SOME IN THE WAISTBAND OF MY PANTS. Yes...it was the sweatiest toilet paper known to man. But it did the job and I only wasted about 90 seconds versus the 10 minutes I would've had to stand in line.
Mental funny experience: At mile 10, my exact thought was, "I still have 3 miles left and I want to die." My next thought was, "Well, I'm sure there are lots of things worse than having 3 miles left and wanting to die. Let's make a list...actually dying. Childbirth. Having to somersault those 3 miles. Going to the BMV. Having a sick baby. Being Osama Bin Laden. Running those 3 miles in high heels. Not finishing this race. Being forced to play Farmville on Facebook." You get the idea. It kept me busy for about 1.5 miles and I got the list to almost 50. I was talking out loud most of that time, so I'm sure people were wondering if I was okay. I also think I repeated a few, but I can't be sure.
Funny(ish) things I learned: After a run/walk routine for 6 miles, it becomes painful to walk. This means you want to run more, but you're so tired it's almost impossible. / You will want to quit no less than 38 times during the race. Give yourself just one more "I want to quit." after everytime you say it. And before you know it, you're done. / There are probably more people who do NOT take races like the Mini seriously than there are who DO take it seriously. I saw a crazy number of people on their cell phones and who were texting. / When you are watching a race at the IMS, the track has 4 turns. When you are running a race on the IMS track, it has 13 turns. Don't question me...I counted. / Do atleast 2 training runs that are the distance of the run you're participating in. (This may be personal for me, but probably would've prevented many breakdowns toward the end of the race.) / People don't care who you are...they'll still cheer for you. And when they cheer for you USING YOUR NAME?? Yeah, it will freak you out. And then you'll remember that your name is on your race bib. / I CAN run without headphones. / Wear a disposable long-sleeved t-shirt over a short-sleeved one if it's cold when you get there. Pitch the long-sleeves when it gets warmer. / KEEP MOVING. It is that much more difficult if you stop and try to start again. / Remember always that THE RACE WILL END EVENTUALLY. The pain and frustration and emotions are temporary...but the finish is forever.

I finished! Two thumbs up!!

Bib# 21228 :)

Diary of a First-Time Mini Marathoner: Part I, The Emotions

2011-05-09T11:09:00.002-04:00

It feels weird to call myself a "Mini Marathoner." Strange. I didn't think I could ever actually do it.

I attempted to sit down with my iPhone on Saturday afternoon and write a blog post about my experience. And then it occurred to me that I couldn't even put together a coherent sentence.

I also couldn't stop shaking enough to actually use a touch screen phone, but we'll look past that.

I'll go through the process as I went through it:

On Thursday night, Jayna came down with something. She was running a fever of around 102 degrees. She was fussy. She wasn't eating. And she went to sleep on the couch at 6:45pm. THAT, my friends, is unheard of.

So...what do I do now?? I've paid quite a bit of money to run a race on Saturday and here it is, THURSDAY, and my kid is sick. My hope was that it was some sort of 24 hour bug. Notsomuch.

She woke up a few times in the night and still had a fever in the morning. Chris stayed home with her on Friday and ended up taking her to the doctor in the afternoon. She tested weak positive for strep. Greeeeaaaatttt.

What now? Which one of us stays home with her?? I've obviously had a much more difficult time training for this, so I should stay home. Chris had a shot of running a sub-2 hour race. I didn't. But this was sort of MY thing. I WANTED to finish. But...there was NO way I was going to go downtown ALONE and park and walk to the race and run and finish and then walk back to the car and drive home. NO. FREAKIN. WAY.

It then crossed my mind that neither of us should go. That way there was no guilt either way. But that was stupid!! I asked my mom if she minded keeping Jayna overnight regardless of the strep issue and she agreed. So Jayna stayed with my mom and we were both going to run.

I spent my Friday night distracted by baking cupcakes. I wanted it that way. I didn't want to think about it.

I got up at 5am. I ate breakfast. I drank some milk. And off we went. We got downtown at around 6:15am. There were already soooo many people there! When I saw the corrals and the start line, my stomach dropped. Port-o-lets were the greatest invention ever at that moment. :)

Chris and I had to split up around 7:15am. I ran into a friend from high school, Jodi, who was in my corral. We talked for a few minutes and that kept my mind busy. And then more and more and MORE people piled into the corral. Hi, agoraphobia!! Fancy meeting you here!!

I kept my wits about me and eventually crossed the start line at 23 minutes into the race. I stuck to my plan of 10 running minutes and 5 walking minutes. There were many musical and dancing acts along the way, as well as an unbridled number of supporters. It was truly overwhelming to see that much support from all different sorts of people who didn't even know me!! At a couple of points, it became very emotional.

I stuck to my run/walk plan straight through mile 6. After the 6 mile marker, it hit me. I was fatigued. I was in some pain. My muscles were tight. And I had to pee like NO other. I stopped at the bathrooms inside the track and hurriedly went and came back out onto the course. Morale began to take a nose dive.

The track portion of the race was...horrifying. The scenery doesn't change. The asphalt is hard and seemingly more unforgiving than the street (even though I'm sure that isn't the case). People are everywhere and won't get out of the way. It began to rain. Frustration and irritation were prevalent. At one walking point around mile 8 inside the track, a man began talking to me:

Him: Is it getting to you, sweetie?
Me: Yep. I'm tired. I don't think I'll be able to finish.
Him: Listen. I'm 65. This is my first Mini. And I'm going to finish dammit!
Me: Good! Good luck to you!
Him: No...listen. I'm 65. I have a blister on my foot the size of Rhode Island right now. How about you?
Me: I don't know. I can't feel my feet. I could have a blister the size of.....
Him: Texas?
Me: Yeah, thanks. I apparently can no longer form...words?
Him: Sentences, you mean? The words seem to be coming out.
Me: Sure. Whatever. It's all the same, right??
Him: Not really. Well, I'm 65 and I'm going to finish. I saw you running earlier, but I'm only walking. If I can finish so can you. So...keep going. AND DON'T LET ME BEAT YOU!!! Now go run some more!!
Me: Okay, sir.

He caught up with me again around mile 9, but I stayed ahead of him the rest of the race. And I did beat him, but probably not by much. I wish I knew his name. :)

At mile 9, I began talking to myself. At mile 10, I cried. At mile 11, I had to look down at my feet to make sure they were still there. At mile 12, I cried again, but because I only had 1 more mile.

And when I crossed the finish line, I had to fight my emotions with everything I had to NOT cry. I wanted to atleast get through all of those wonderful people who gave me my medal, a bottle of water, a banana, a granola bar, a cookie and some Gatorade. I love those people like they are my own family. Seriously.

I really wanted to just skip all of that. I just wanted to go cry on Chris' shoulder. I just wanted to see Chris. I just wanted to see ONE FREAKING FAMILIAR FACE. One constant and caring individual.

When he was in my sights, I totally lost control of my emotions. I cried like a baby and I didn't care who knew. There were so many things going through my head.

Those of you who know me know all the things that I've endured to get here...including, but not limited to a full body rash, extreme stress and anxiety, a toddler that I just want to do right by, a near-neglected family and household, the death of my dear Morgan, and the life of my dog Oliver who has suffered nearly as much as me through Moe's death. When Morgan got sick at the end, I said, "I'll run this race for him. He can't do it anymore, so I'll do it for him." When he died, that became 125% more important. And I did it. I've had an incredibly difficult time with closure regarding Moe's death. This experience has helped me turn a page in that chapter. It's definitely not over, but it's progressing.

I don't think that there is one pinpointed reason that I cried. I cried because I finished and didn't have to run anymore. I cried because I FINISHED!! I cried because I was in pain. I cried because there were so many people around me. I cried because there were so many people rooting for me and I didn't let them down. I cried because I finished regardless of the naysayers. I cried because I remembered my promise to Morgan. I cried because I could now go pick up my sick kid from my mom.

And I cried because I felt like a different person. A better person. A more confident person. A person who finishes what she starts no matter how tough things get.

I would like to say a sincere Thank You to all of you who believed that I could do this...because I certainly didn't believe that at several points throughout this journey. You guys helped me through lots of hard times. And for that, I thank you.

Also, a HUGE Thank You to all of my running friends who provided advice, training and cheering. Zac, The Quags, KT, Chris. You guys were the glue that held me together. I hadn't a clue where to start or end and you guys helped me more than you'll ever know. :)

I will pick up running again in about a month. There are things that have needed my attention since January and it's time to address them. Some painting. Some baking. Some harmonica. A toddler. A household. And most of all...MY MIND NEEDS A BREAK. Even my half-assed training routine was more than difficult. I can't imagine for those of you who ran well and trained twice as much as me. When I begin running again, it will be on a very light level. I will see where that takes me and in October/November, I'll revisit whether or not I want to run another Mini. If I decide not to, I'm okay. And if I decide to do it, I'll be great.

***Note for those of you who care about stats: My official time was 3:32:24. I paced a 16:13 mile. At mile 10, I was at 2:32:51. It took me an HOUR to go the last 3 miles. I've taken a mental note.***

Want Kool Aid??

2011-05-05T11:55:00.000-04:00

Sorry...no sugar.

Raise your hand if you've seen the movie Friday.

A few of you? Good.

I've seen that movie no less than 683 times. No joke. I know approximately 89% of the entire script. I love it. And if I had more time and didn't have an impressionable toddler, I'd probably still try to fit it in once (maybe twice) a week. Oh yeah...and if I did that, I'd also have to want to be single. Because Chris would ABSOLUTELY not stand for that.

Anyhoozy, there is a part where Criag's friend Smokey wants to make some Kool Aid. When he learns that Craig's household is out of sugar, he spews this rant (to the best of my recollection):

"Y'all ain't never got two things that match! Kool Aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaammmnn!!!!!"

Well, faithful blog readers...that's my brain right now. It hasn't one single conversation/story/thought that goes with any other one. Except for the above story, of course...seeing how it has NOTHING to do with anything.

So, in light of having ham and no burger, I offer you this random list of all things random:

Jayna asked for jelly toast for dessert a few nights ago. I tried to gently persuade her: "How about we have jelly toast for breakfast in the morning and have pudding or something for dessert?" Her response? "How about you just listen to me and I'll have jelly toast for dessert AND for breakfast in the morning?" I suppose I should "just listen."
I am running the Mini Marathon in 2 days. Less than 48 hours. My stomach just turned over as I typed that. I've learned that I am not at liberty to wear headphones to listen to music...that music will be playing along the course. I'm not sure how I'll handle not wearing headphones. I'm sure I'll be fine, but it may take a few miles to get used to it.
I'm surprised that I didn't get more questions/comments regarding my last blog post. The Jayna blog posts are usually the most popular ones.
I know it's normal for a child to have an imaginary friend, but is it normal for a child to have an imaginary GROUP of friends? Almost like an army? Jayna has a group of imaginary friends around 9 large. And they color so pretty, she says. I....am speechless.
Last night at the dinner table, Jayna continually played in her food. I finally raised my voice and said, "Jayna!!! Stop playing in your food!!!" She pointed her fork at me and said, "Mommy, you don't talk to me that way." I just looked at her. She followed with, "We don't say those words, mommy." I didn't even know how to respond to that.
I need to learn how to get my Instagram photos off of my phone without syncing my phone to a computer. And in related news, if you're an iPhone user and don't use FREE Instagram, you're missing out. Get it immediately in the App Store.
I hope my plants didn't get frostbitten last night. I forgot to bring them in. And in related news, WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE EFFING WEATHER??? Seriously. A Facebook friend posted yesterday, "Have we finally effed up the world so much that the weather will NEVER be normal again?" I'm starting to believe that is true.
What will I do with myself after the Mini??? Oh, right. Make tons of awesome cupcakes. And refinish old furniture. And paint. And plant things. :)

And I'll leave you with this:

One of my new favorite websites is Some Ecards. By now, y'all know my sense of humor. If you like the sarcastic, most-of-the-time-rude-and-always-inappropriateness of it, then you, too, will love this website. You should all expect to be getting some of these from me in the near future.

Who WOULDN'T want to live that long??

In college, Cinco de Mayo was our favorite holiday. Drinking for seemingly no reason. Oh, wait....

Who'd a thunk it?!? I'm outdoorsy after all!!!

Here's wishing you all a happy Thursday. :)

Jayna In A Nutshell: 2.5 Years Old

2011-04-26T12:20:00.001-04:00

(No, this is Jayna in a nutshell: "Help mommy!! I'm getting squished! I'm folded in half!! I'm sad 'cause I'm in the nutshell." Sorry...I couldn't resist. And thos are all actual expressions that my kid uses.)

Let's open with this story:

There is a 4-way stop that I go through EVERYtime I leave my house. There is no way around it. Well, I guess I could go the other way. But, I digress. I don't know what it is about this particular 4-way stop that makes people lose their minds. I have a couple of theories:

It's actually the Bermuda Triangle and there is a magnetic/gravitational/alien force that scrambles the human mind and people really just lose the ability to think logically in that general area.
The wide lanes on some sides, the narrow lanes on other sides, the railroad tracks and the gas station on the other corner throw people off. There are many things going on at that stop sign, so it's a little...unsettling. And people lose the ability to think logically in that general area.
This 4-way stop is the only way to and from a highly populated residential area causing drivers to sit in long lines of traffic from every direction and at almost everytime of day. And after sitting in traffic for that long at a 4-way stop that most of us sit through ATLEAST twice a day, we get frustrated and lose the ability to think logically in that general area.

I'm really leaning toward the Bermuda Triangle theory. But at any rate, people really do just lose the ability to think logically in that general area. This causes me to say things. I've edited the things that I do say because of the child, but I still do say things. They're just seemingly innocent things...until the 2.5-year-old repeats them.

A week or so ago, I was sitting at the stop sign and the person in front of me waved no less than 7 cars through the stop sign before he went. As he was waving cars on, I said, "C'mon, buddy!! Just GO!!!" And from the backseat, I heard a rather loud, "YEAH!!! IT'S NOT POCKET SINCE, BUDDY!!!"

Pocket science. I can imagine that pocket science is just as, if not more, intriguing as actual rocket science. I've added pocket science to my list of expressions and, insanely enough, to my list of subjects to study in my free time.

And on to this story:

A couple of nights ago, Jayna was extra tired and was speaking jibberish before bed. I couldn't understand one single word she was saying, but it did sound as if she were speaking an actual language. I asked her, "Jayna, are you speaking German?" She turned to me, looking sort of mean, pointed in my face and yelled, "No mommy, YOU'RE A GERMAN!!" (Put the emphasis on "YOU'RE" in there. As if someone called you a name and you turned around and called them the same name back.)

Chris and I both shed a tear from the laughter. That kid is nuts!!

And now a note about behavior:

Jayna is learning about sadness right now. She knows that when she's sad, she feels like crying and that she generally feels...bad. The important aspect she lacks is knowing the difference between crying because she's throwing a fit and crying because she's actually sad. There have been several occasions in the last 3 or so days in which she's been dead center of a fit and looked at me and yelled, "I'm sad because (insert reason for fit)." This morning was one of my favorites:

Me: Jayna, please don't cut your muffin with your fork. It's crumbling everywhere and making a mess. Plus, we never eat muffins with a fork. Use your hands and take bites.
Jayna: But mommy! I wanna use my fork. I learning how to cut things with my fork. (Chris had just made a reference to how she was learning to cut things with her fork and we never taught her, she just picked up on it.)
Me: But we never cut muffins. You can learn to cut other things at dinner tonight.
Jayna: WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANNA CUT MY MUFFIN!!!
Me: If you're going to throw a fit, you can go to time out.
Jayna: I not throwing a fit!! I'm sad because I wanna cut my muffin.

Seriously?!? That kid's got a long road ahead of her if she's sad about cutting food that is supposed to be eaten otherwise. These episodes happen atleast 3 times a day at this point.

Here's how a conversation with Jayna goes:

Jayna: Mommy, did daddy go to the store to get ice?
Me: Yes...he'll be back in a minute.
Jayna: I love my daddy.
Me: Yeah...he's a good daddy, isn't he?
Jayna: Yeah...and he's a boy. And he needs a haircut. And I need a haircut too.

I don't always follow her, but I'm proud that she is getting the hang of carrying on a conversation. :)

Here's a story she told me a week ago:

(While in the bathtub)
I was gonna take a shower bath, but daddy said I played outside and need to take a big bath. But he said we hurry 'cause it's late. He said I get 2 toys (proudly holding up 2 fingers). If I get more than 2, I not have time for a book. And I wanna read a book. Chicka Boom Boom, mommy. I wanna read Chicka Boom Boom. Flip Flop Flee, mommy!!!!!! FLIP FLOP FLEE!!!!

A note about influences:

Last week, Jayna and I were running late. I told her, "Let's go!! Get your shoes on. Mommy can't be late for work. And you can't be late for school." She replied, "I can't go to school today. I have band practice."

Several times a week, Jayna will put on her "running shoes" (just gym shoes from Payless) and she'll say, "I go for a run now. I gonna have a good run. Love you mommy. Love you Daddy. Be back soon." She'll then run 3 or 4 times around the kitchen island or the coffee table (We aren't really all that strict about things like running in the house. Call us hippies, but we just don't really care.) and come back to us and say, "I went for a run. I had a good run!"

Every now and then, Jayna will request to watch Shrek. While I don't think it's all that kid-friendly, I let her watch it anyway. Whatevs. Over the weekend she wanted to play outside. Here's how that went:

Jayna: Mommy, can I play outside?
Me: No, Jaynie. Sorry. It's raining.
Jayna: It's STILL raining?
Me: Yep. And it's probably going to rain tomorrow too.
Jayna: (heavy sigh, hanging head) It's hopeless. I never play outside again.

She got that from Shrek. And she really did use it in the correct context. Maybe Shrek isn't so bad after all. I'll know better when she replies to me, "Bite me!!" :)

And on to the doctor's appointment:

When I took Jayna to her 2 year well-child check-up, I was told that all of her immunizations were up to date for a long period of time and that we didn't need to come back until she was 3. When Chris took Jayna in a couple weeks ago because she was sick, the doctor told him that she'd missed her 2.5 year well-child check-up. He went ahead and scheduled it thinking that I just forgot. I personally think that this was a way for the doctor to a.) get more money out of me, and b.) make me feel like a terrible parent.

So I took her last Tuesday for her phoney 2.5 year check-up. She weighs 34 pounds which is the 89th percentile. She is 36.5 inches tall which is the 53rd percentile. But somehow this STILL puts her in the 95th percentile for her BMI.

The doctor told me she is too big. AGAIN.

Those who know me know what my kid eats. Yes, she gets candy sometimes. Yes, she gets pizza sometimes. But most of the time, she would rather have broccoli and blueberries. She does NOT overeat. She does NOT drink a gallon of juice a day. She is 2 years and 8 months old and wears size 3T clothes. She's just a chubby baby girl. And the next time that doctor tells me she's too big (unless Jayna's 10-years-old or something), I'm going to punch her right in her neck.

So THERE.

But in other news, Jayna put the nurse in her place regarding the thermometer. The nurse said to Jayna, "Let's take your temperature. It goes..." And Jayna, while taking her arm out of her dress, cut the nurse's words off with, "I know...it goes under my arm. I know. And it's called a 'mometer."

When the doctor came in, she asked me a jillion and a half questions. I answered them all. At one point, the doctor asked me if Jayna could throw and kick a ball. I said yes and then I turned to Jayna and said, "Can you kick a ball?" She replied, "Yep...and better than you can, mommy." Oy.

During the exam part of the appointment, the doctor found a problem with Jayna's eyes. She has alternating esotropia. (To K80...that's perfectly fine to Google at work.) She has to go see an eye doctor at the end of May. The doctor tells me, "Sometimes it can be corrected with glasses, but it often requires eye muscle surgery."

SURGERY?!? AGAIN????? My kid is not even 3. But my doctor has a way of totally blowing things out of proportion. Way to make me worry, doc.

So...there you have it. All about the Jayniac. She's getting so big so very quickly. I keep writing to hold onto the memories. :)

Mishmash Monday: Updates Out the Wahzoo

2011-04-25T11:12:00.000-04:00

I don't know if that's how you spell "wahzoo." I'm sure it isn't and that someone will correct me. I'm sure of it.

I'm also not sure if "mishmash" is one word or two words. I'm sure the same person who knows about "wahzoo" knows. So they'll be able to kill two birds with on stone.

TEN DAYS. That's how long it's been since I've blogged. A long ass time.

And to be honest, it's been because I just haven't felt like doing it. Yes...I've been busy. Yes...I've been preoccupied. And yes...I've been busy. Wait...did I....nevermind. I don't really know what's going on.

I have lots of things to say from the past 10 days. Most of them probably deserve their own posts. But not all of them will get that. I'll do a Jayna post tonight or tomorrow because my kid is the most awesome kid I know and she always deserves her own posts (hell, at this point, she could probably narrate them for me to type. She's a smart and sassy kid.). But all the rest of this shiz is going in a bulleted list. That's just my style.

Interesting...I pushed the "bullet list" button up at the top of my blog post page and I suddenly forgot what I wanted to put in my bulleted list. It's as if the pressing of the "bullet" button erased my memory. Like in Men In Black. I always thought it would be really helpful to have a neuralizer. When I say something stupid, I could just pull out the thing and "flashy thingy" someone. I'd be using that thing atleast 3 times a day.
I planted some things about...well...10 days ago. A tomato plant, a raspberry bush, some orchid gladiola bulbs and some other flower seeds I had lying around. I only plant things in pots, so I don't have to wait as long as if I were going to plant them in the ground. I grow tomatoes every year. I asked Jayna what she wanted to grow this year and she said, "I grow berries mommy. Blueberries, strawberries, blackberries and raspberries." I urged her to pick just one. She settled on raspberries and I bought one of those "in the box"-looks like just a dead stick-probably won't grow raspberry bushes. Hey...it was 5 bucks with 20% off. It was worth a shot. I was pretty certain when I planted it (in a giant pot for now) that it was completely dead and wouldn't grow. After 10 days it looks MORE dead. I wasn't even sure that was possible. I don't have a particularly green thumb, but I can grow things and keep them alive for long periods of time. This plant has had water and sun and lives on my back patio safe from the "wild." All the other plants are atleast doing SOMETHING. The raspberry...notsomuch. So this weekend I bit the bullet and bought a live-from-the-nursery-already-green-and-growing raspberry bush. Jayna asks me atleast once a week if the bush has raspberries yet that she can eat. If I don't grow something that produces ATLEAST one raspberry that the kid can eat by the end of summer, I'm in major trouble. Here's hoping the new raspberry bush grows quickly.
Chris' band, Call Me Elmer, (like them on Facebook, please!!!!!) has their first paying gig on my birthday. It's at the Columbus Moose Lodge. I am excited for them! They are very quickly and surely learning and perfecting 4 hours worth of songs to play. Wish them luck if you see them on Facebook!
I've changed my running routine and it's going smoothly. Before a couple of weeks ago, I'd start running and just keep running until I almost passed out. I'd stop to walk and I'd feel defeated...mostly because I felt like I wouldn't be able to start running again and run for any amount of time. I'd run for about 15 minutes and then stop and walk. I'd start running again after around 5 minutes of walking. But I'd only be able to run for around 8 minutes before I'd have to stop and walk again. I now run 10 minutes and walk 5 minutes. Even if I'm not tired, I keep up that pattern. I don't get so tired so quickly and my breathing stays constant. If I keep up the pace and routine that I'm doing now, I'm set to finish the mini in around 3 hours...probably around 3 hours 15 minutes. And if it takes me longer...who cares!?! That probably sounds like a very long time to some of you, but keep in mind that 3 weeks ago I was contemplating not running it. I was scared to death that I wouldn't finish. The tweaking that I've done with the running is working wonders for my confidence and is very encouraging. I even want to run more after the mini!!!
Easter was fun this year. Jayna is getting older and is finally catching on to the traditions of the holidays. She had a great time finding Easter eggs at Nana M's house. She got a lightning bug house from Nana B and she won't stop asking if we can go outside and catch some. :)
If it doesn't stop raining soon, I'm going postal. Thath is all.
I am excited to begin helping lots of friends with their kids' birthday cakes/cupcakes. I really love making and decorating cupcakes and it is awesome that I have friends who trust me and will let me help them make their kids' birthdays just a little more special...without breaking the bank!! I do all my work for free. That's what friends are for. :)

What have y'all been up to??

Five for Friday: Life

2011-04-15T13:33:00.000-04:00

I've been absent, blog friends.

I'd like to apologize as I know that you've all been sitting on the edges of your seats waiting to hear what's going on in my life.

Yeah.

Here's the breakdown:

The new Foo Fighters album, Wasting Light, was released last Tuesday. I had had a rough day that day because Jayna was sick (see #2) and I'd been home with a whiny, albeit good, child ALL DAY. My good Foo friend K80 knew that I hadn't had a chance to go buy the album, so she bought it for me and delivered it to me. I'm forever indebted to her. She even got me the enhanced limited edition that includes a piece of the original recording tape for Wasting Light. Her gesture of friendship and genuine care hasn't gone unnoticed. It is a fabulous album beginning to end, front to back, head to toe. It has a semi-permanent place in my car CD player and I listen to it over and over and over again. There are no songs that I skip, but my favorites are Arlandria and These Days. If you are a Foo fan or are on the fence about whether or not to buy the CD, do it now. I'll wait.
Jayna has been sick with a cold since Monday. Chris was concerned that it was something worse, so he took her to the doctor on Wednesday. Nope...just a cold. The doctor prescribed Benadryl for her to dry up some of the mucus and, in turn, to help with the cough. I was super excited about this because it meant that Jayna would sleep instead of cough all night. Little did I know that Benadryl makes some children (namely, MY CHILD) hyperactive maniacs. She did finally go to sleep, but the crazy conversations she had with herself alone in her room were priceless. At one point she'd been quiet for about 8 minutes. I was relieved that she'd finally fallen asleep. Out of the blue, I hear her scream, "APPLE FARTS!!!" And then she laughed hysterically. She did that for 30 minutes. Then she was out cold.
I am running a 5K tomorrow. Supposedly in the rain. With thousands of people. Should be great!! I'm not nervous or anxious at all. (Read: I'm anxious as hell.) I don't even want to go. I want to sleep in and relax. After the Mini, I don't plan to run anymore races until next year's Mini. They make me too...crazy.
Chris learned how to play a bluesy version of Walking on Sunshine. This makes me happy.
I want to move. We need a bigger house. And if the opportunity presents itself, I'll be jumping on it. Who knew a child's stuff could take up so much room?!?

A Weekend With Jayna

2011-04-11T14:18:00.000-04:00

My kid was a regular comedian this weekend. I don't know where she comes up with this stuff. Some of it's funny just based on the fact that she's 2. The rest? I haven't a clue.

On Saturday, we took her to her preschool teacher, Megan's, wedding. There were lots of candles at the altar. She asked me, "Mommy, can I light a candle?" I said, "No, they're already lit. Maybe we could go up and see them at the end." She was satisfied with that. And let it be known that we've never let Jayna light a candle. I'm not sure why she even asked.

When the mothers went up to light the side candles for the unity candle, I told Jayna what was happening. She said, "You said they were already lighted. Oops!! They missed 2 candles. OH NO!! The mommies missed the big one in the middle!!!" She was of course talking about the unity candle.

I explained to her that Megan and Logan would light that one after they said their wedding vows and exchanged rings. When that time came, she turned to me and said, "That a BIG candle. They have to light it all together cause it's soooo BIG!"

Later that evening we went to get pizza. Jayna spent the entire evening at the restaurant eavesdropping on the table next to us. She'd be minding her business and someone from the other table would say something in a loud voice and she'd repeat what she heard even louder. One time we heard a lady say, "And it took 8 hours!!" Jayna turns to me and says, "EIGHT HOURS MOMMY!!! That's a long time." She did that 3 or 4 times.

When she got bored with the eavesdropping, she took my sunglasses and put them on. Our waiter walked over to give us our bill. She looked at him with those huge sunglasses on and said, "Hey doll!" Hilarious. I told her it was hilarious and after that, everything was "larious."

She was playing with Chris' iPhone on the way home...an app that she calls "Bubble John." It's actually the talking bacteria app. She was just saying random words so the "bubble johns" would repeat them. "Apple. Raspberry. Bed. Shoe. Fingernail polish. HAHA!! THAT'S LARIOUS, DADDY!"

On Sunday it got really warm in our house. I was fighting turning on the AC because...hello...it's only mid April. When I put Jayna down for her nap, I told her that she should wear tank top and shorts pajamas. She insisted on a full length, long sleeved night gown. It was 75 degrees in our house, but I didn't argue with her. I left her room and turned on the monitor in the living room. About 10 minutes after I left her room, I heard her say, "I'm hot! I'M HOT!!!!" And then there was silence. Then I heard, "I'M STILL HOT. I TOOK OFF MY JAMMIES!!!" Whatever, kid.

After her nap, we were playing with Play Doh. She looked at me seemingly out of the blue and said, "Mommy, when I grow up I'm gonna sing and stuff." I replied, "Oh...you want to be a singer when you grow up? Very cool!!" She said, "No mommy. I gonna cut people's hair when I grow up. But I gonna sing when I do it." A singing hairdresser. I think my kid just made up a new profession.

She definitely kept the laughs coming this weekend. I hope she keeps it up. :)

Thoughtful Thursday: Facebook

2011-04-07T10:26:00.000-04:00

I'm thinking of quitting Facebook.

I know. It's like I just said, "I'm quitting life y'all." It's THAT significant.

I think Facebook is wonderful for so many reasons. I've reconnected with several old friends that I would've otherwise had no way of finding or communicating with. Some of those reconnections have brought about meaningful and heartfelt friendships. Others...not so much.

I am able to share photos with my family and friends. This is important to me as I document my entire life through photos. I didn't say GOOD photos, but still. I like having the connection that people can see how grown up Jayna is getting and how our lives change from month to month.

I know when people's birthdays are. I can say hello. I can friend/defriend/refriend/hide/etc. I am in control over my "world." Full control.

But.....I think Facebook is evil.

It is entirely too easy to get caught up in the ridiculousness that is social networking.

I see what EVERYONE is doing. Saying. Arguing about. Taking too seriously. Not taking seriously enough. And I don't just see this from people I'm close to in real life...I see this from people that I haven't even spoken to in 10 or more years. And, no offense to anyone of you, I shouldn't really care about that stuff. I shouldn't be so distracted by nonsensical comments and updates from people who don't even really know me that I miss out on the life that is right in front of my REAL face.

I've watched my family argue. I've seen them put ALL of their business on Facebook. I've watched them friend each other only to defriend the next week. I've watched my friends get snarky with each other over TYPED messages that have NO voice inflection or facial expression to go with the message. I've seen people assume things from other things and get pissed.

And all that makes me wonder...is being a part of all this REALLY worth the headache?

I do enjoy Facebook the majority of the time. I really do. And while it allows me to communicate with so many people that I probably wouldn't otherwise, it closes me off to so many other things.

Instead of picking up a phone or going out for dinner, I send a simple Facebook message.

Facebook allows me to be anti-social. It allows me to participate in the cyber soap opera that is real life.

And it's evil.

I won't quit Facebook. I know I won't. But I will keep in mind that it has caused me as many headaches as it has smiles. And that's going to stop.

Wishful Wednesday: Growing Up

2011-04-06T11:39:00.000-04:00

To be fair, I'm so tired and still a little angry regarding a situation that happened last night that I'm not quite ready to blog about yet that I can't remember if I've blogged at all about this before. (Diagram THAT sentence, Mrs. Rhinesmith!!) So, bear with me.

Jayna is getting older. Growing up. To me, that means she's potty trained, sleeps through the night, eats whatever food she wants (except shrimp...may be allergic), and can talk. To her, it means something completely different.

We use the "growing up" or "big girl" schtick for lots of things. When she throws a fit, we say, "Big girls don't throw fits. You're a big girl, not a baby anymore." When she is reluctant to try new foods, it's, "Big girls atleast TRY all the food." And so on and so forth.

We also talk often about things that she can do when she "grows up." You know, things like go to school, talk on the phone, etc. And sometimes this goes tooooooo far. Way too far.

Jayna has a Little Tikes car...this one:

She LOVES that thing. Aunt Summer bought her this car so she'd have an outdoor toy at Summer and Tony's house. Since she's not there much anymore, Aunt Summer let Jayna bring this car home. And then Jayna wanted to take it to Nana B's when she went there to stay overnight one time.

As she was riding in her car in Nana's driveway, Nana made the innocent statement, "When you get bigger, you'll be able to drive a real car!"

After Jayna ate dinner that night, she told Nana, "I got bigger. I drive a real car now?"

Yikes.

There was more than one occasion that she'd ask Chris or me, "Am I bigger now? Can I drive a real car?" We'd tell her no and she'd cry. She was serious about this driving thing.

Last weekend, Chris was chewing a piece of gum. Jayna asked him what he was eating and he told her gum. "I want a gum, daddy!" He told her she was too little and she'd have to wait until she got bigger. She agreed and let it go. She then took a nap.

When she got up from her nap, she told me, "Mommy! I grewed up when I sleeped!" I told her that she did, indeed, probably grow just a smidge when she was sleeping. She said to me, "I have gum now??"

We've also been urging her to swing in the "big girl swing." We have one of those baby/toddler swings that buckles the kid in and then we have a normal swingset swing. She's been using the "big girl swing" a lot and is learning to pump her legs to swing herself. I went to push her last week and she yelled, "I DON'T NEED YOU PUSH ME ON THE BIG GIRL SWING!!!"

Ugh. The kid wants to grow up so bad. And a part of me wants her to stay little. I say a "part of me" because there is a bigger part of me that really wants to watch her develop into an awesome kid/teen/adult. But for now, I've been secretly wishing that something would happen that would make her want to stay little and NOT grow up. Be careful what you wish for....

Jayna would NOT drop the "driving a real car" bit, so Nana bought her a Jeep Power Wheel...this one (sort of):

Did you know that the battery for a Power Wheel has to charge for 18 to 30 hours before use?? I was pretty sure Jayna was going to have a panic attack for 2 complete days. On the second day, she asked once an hour, "Can I drive my car yet?" Since it was raining, I just used that excuse. But seriously, 30 hours is like a complete lifetime for a 2.5-year-old!!!

Nana really bought this for Jayna for being completely potty trained. (An unrelated story...I told Jayna that after her last potty chart, she'd be potty trained and we'd have no more charts. When the chart was almost full, she said, "My potty chart is almost full. Then I get to ride the Potty Train." She thought there was an actual train...) It was her surprise for doing such a good job.

So, yesterday it FINALLY stopped raining and the battery was FINALLY charged.

I carried her Jeep out to the backyard and installed the battery. (Note to parents: install the battery BEFORE you let the kid in the thing. Otherwise the kid WILL run you over.) She started going and would go, stop, go, stop. It took her a couple of minutes to get the hang of the Jeep actually being battery powered. She then got the hang of it and took off. When she'd get close to a tree, I'd yell, "TURN!! Don't hit that TREE!!" And she'd turn and just miss the tree.

She was cruising along and was so proud of herself!! She looked back at me (and was NOT looking where she was driving) to make sure I was looking. She was headed STRAIGHT FOR THE HOUSE!!!

I screamed, "JAYNA, LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!!"

Not really understanding what I was saying, she just stared at me with her lead foot on the gas pedal.

I ran over and grabbed the back of the Jeep to stop it. (Another note: THAT DOESN'T WORK. The thing was dragging me through the grass.)

She crashed straight into the house. She didn't get hurt, nor did the house...but to a 2.5-year-old, a crash is a crash. Is a crash.

The poor kid. She wanted sooooo badly to drive that Jeep. She did...and she wrecked.

She immediately started crying. She reached up for me and said through her tears, "I don't wanna drive anymore. I wanna go swing. Mommy, will you push me in the little girl swing?"

Well, I got my wish. She won't even LOOK at that Jeep. I know she will again eventually. But for right now, I'll keep on pushing her in the little girl swing. She's only 2 and a half, you know.

Mulligan Monday: Chuck E. Cheese & Teenagers on Bikes

2011-04-04T11:44:00.002-04:00

I need a day to recuperate from my weekend. Some really strange things happened.

For some strange reason unbeknownst to myself or anyone who knows me, I thought it would be a good idea to take Jayna to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate her potty training feat.

When I got up on Saturday, I was determined to make it a good day, but to not put too much pressure or too many expectations on the day. So I did what I always do on Saturday: I cleaned. I cleaned the house, cleaned the couch and bathed the stank-ass dog. I was feeling good!!

Doing productive things is good for the soul, you know.

I ran out of time when I got to the half bath, so I just left the cleaner in there. It should be said that I make my own household cleaners from things such as Borax, vinegar and water. The bottle is clearly marked, but it looks just like the one I use to spray my hair with water. (And those of you who know me well will certainly see where this is going.)

While Jayna was napping, I got dressed and did the hair/makeup thing. I did NOT shower...why would I waste that time before going to a germ-infested kid's place? I needed my hair to curl up a bit, so I reached for the water bottle. On the second spray, I realized that I was spraying cleaner in my hair. Good thing there was no bleach in there.

I should've just stayed home after that happened.

We had planned to take along my friend, Michelle and her little guy Sam (who Jayna adores), my mom and my brother and his family that consisted of my 8-year-old nephew, my sister-in-law, her nephew Dillon and my Brother. In all, we had 4 kids and 6 adults. And even though the kids were complete angels, we probably could've used a couple more adults. We had a group of 10 people. The only tables that would hold more than 4 people were all reserved for parties. There were no 2 tables together. Luckily, the place began to clear out about an hour after we got there, so we were able to all sit together.

The place was a nightmare. I've never seen that many people in one place with such a few number of staff. All the games were out of tickets. All the ticket redemption machines were full of tickets. Michelle and I stood in line for no less than 20 minutes to spend WAY too much money on pizza.

I can't believe how many parents out there think that Chuck E. Cheese is a place where children can run free and climb on everything and steal things off of tables and do things they aren't allowed to do at home or at any other civilized place on earth. I'm not sure I'll ever go back to that place.

All in all, everything went well. I only had to excuse myself one time to go outside and catch my breath. And I'm super glad that the kids had fun.

Jayna was a nightmare when we got home, so straight to bath and bed it was. She woke up Sunday morning a new little girl.

Sunday was a good day until around 2:30pm.

I was at my mom's all morning, so I didn't get to run until 2:15 or so. I didn't have enough time to drive to a park or the gym to run due to another dinner obligation, so I decided to brave the brutal wind and run in my neighborhood. FAIL.

I was about a half mile into the run when I saw a group of teenage boys ahead...2 on bikes and the others just standing on the sidewalk. My initial thought was, "Oh boy...here we go." But I just kept running. And then they noticed me.

I ran off of the sidewalk and into the street to go around them. I was still a ways away from them at that point. One of the boys on a bike, probably a 15-year-old kid, decided it would be a good idea to ride down the street to me and circle me while I was running. He also would ride directly at me and swerve just before he hit me. Then came the tight S pattern literally 2 feet in front of me. By this time his friends were even telling him that he should leave me alone. He ignored them. I had on sunglasses so he couldn't see my expressions. That seemed to work in my favor...because I was getting a little scared. I'm glad that he couldn't see that. I simply said, "I'm not sure this is a good idea, dude." He mocked me a little, rode one circle around me and then SLAMMED ON HIS BREAKS directly in front of me. He then immediately turned to circle me again.

I felt seemingly ALL of my blood rush to my ears. When I get pissed, my ears turn blood red.

I had no other option than to extend my foot and kick his bike. I hit the frame hard and right under the seat. Karma was on my side at that moment.

It caused his bike to fall over in front of me. He fell directly to the ground and winced as if he were going to burst into tears.

As I jumped over his front tire to continue running, I said, "Sounds like you should've listened to your friends."

I ran the fastest mile of my life after that. I'm not sure if it was because I was afraid of backlash or if I was proud of myself, but the adrenaline was pumping after that. Had I not been slightly freaked out to make the lap again, I probably could've run atleast 3 more 10 minute miles. Probably not, but a girl can dream. :)

I'm still waiting for a parent or the cops to show up at my house. I'm claiming self defense, if not sexual harrassment. He wouldn't have done that to a guy. That kid was bigger than me (not by much, but still) and was literally inches from me on several occasions.

That's what I get for running in the neighborhood when the teenagers are out.

What did y'all do this weekend?

Five for Friday: Floaty

2011-04-01T12:01:00.000-04:00

My head is floaty today. There are things just suspended in there. Here are some:

The painting I'm beginning this weekend. I don't really paint anything except abstract stuff and I do it mostly because I'm cheap. If I were to buy a painting to go on the wall behind my couch, it would cost me ATLEAST 500 bucks. And who knows if I'd even be able to find something I liked. If I do it myself, I can make it the color scheme and size I want. There is one there now that I painted that I've entitled A Popular Mistake. I don't really care for the painting, but I've gotten lots of compliments on it. It obviously got it's name months after I hung it.
Karma. Have you noticed that there are some people who seem immune to Karma? When I meet a person like that, I often think, "Man, when it comes around for her, it's gonna be brutal." I am a firm believer that people ultimately get what they deserve and that treating others poorly for an entire lifetime can't be good for the soul. My beef with Karma is that it is an uncontrollable force and others may be taken down in it's path. How fair is it that for someone who is getting what she deserves it takes away from someone else? I suppose life just isn't fair.
Lunch. I'm hungry. I want mashed potatoes.
Intention. It can only take you so far. Yet, sometimes it doesn't really even matter.
My lack of sleep. Apparently I'll sleep when I'm dead. This is probably the reason for the floaty head. :)

Well Played Wednesday: Fit Thrower McGee

2011-03-30T14:58:00.000-04:00

Jayna is apparently going through some major developmental/emotional changes right now. She gets her feelings hurt very easily. She throws tantrums over things like broken crayons (that SHE broke, mind you). And she doesn't want to be anymore than 2 feet away from Chris or me at ALL times. It's a bit ridiculous, sad, heartbreaking and...yep, you guessed it...funny all at the same time.

"That's sooo mean!!! She just said it was FUNNY that her kid get's her wittle feelings hurt! She's absolutely NOT getting Mother of the Year this year!!!!"

Well, guess what people?!? I can GUARANTEE that if you just said the above statement, then you do NOT, in fact, have any children. Which makes you a jerk. So there.

Or maybe you do and you just don't have a sense of humor. And that makes you no friend of mine. Not because I don't want to be your friend, but because you won't want to be mine after learning all the terrible things I do and say in the name of humor. You'll hate me. And I'm okay with that. I'm old enough to not worry about that anymore. So....hate away, my nonfriends!!

Back to the story....

Mondays are never good. I try REALLY hard to make them decent, but it hardly ever works. And then my Tuesday is bad because I wasted all that effort trying to make Monday good that by Tuesday I'm just over it. This Monday wasn't particularly bad. It was actually...NOT horrible. I don't know what I did right, but I'll take it.

I picked Jayna up from school and was informed that she didn't have a very long nap. Great! It's okay because Monday up until 4pm didn't suck and I'm prepared to FORCE THIS CHILD TO HAVE A GOOD EVENING!!!!

We went home. We played outside. We played in the sand. We played on the swing. We played with Oliver. We went in. We had a snack. We watched a show.

How many fits do you think Jayna threw?

I'll tell you...it was no less than 86. Seriously. But I kept my composure EVERY time and just worked through it with her. I had NEVER been this patient in my life. I was determined to not get angry/frustrated/upset.

And finally when she was sitting there eating her Mini Wheats and watching Curious George and suddenly started throwing a fit over ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, I broke.

I broke RIGHT IN HALF.

I kneeled down so I was eye level with her. I tried REALLY hard to sound calm. Apparently that didn't work. As I scolded her, I could hear my voice getting louder and louder.

Me: Jayna, you are a big girl. YOU don't throw fits like this. THERE IS NOTHING ON EARTH that could have just happened to you THAT WOULD MAKE YOU THROW THIS FIT. STOP NOW OR GO TO YOUR ROOM. GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!!

Jayna: Mommy, I just having a bad day. I sit on your lap now.

Well...shit. Dammit.

She was just having a bad day. That's all. Just like the rest of us on most Mondays. A bad day. That's all.

And I was soooo determined to NOT have a bad day that I overlooked that she is her own being and has her own feelings and experiences. She is independent of me.

Well played, Jayna.

In 2 sentences, she took me from practically screaming to cuddling her on the couch without an angry bone in my body.

Oh, don't think there weren't guilty bones in there. The guilty bone is one you grow when you become a parent. And when something like this happens, it's like when you hit your funny bone. It hurts really bad, but only for a minute...until you get a good "squeeze hug" from a 2-year-old. :)

Mistakes will be made, but that kid will NO DOUBT call me out every. single. time. I fancy that about her. She's as honest as they come...and oh so sweet.

She really does give the best "squeeze hugs" too. Those hugs can remedy anything.

The Song Has Spoken

2011-03-28T13:11:00.000-04:00

A song. That is all. But read the lyrics first...and I may or may not tell you who it is at the end.

Well you know those times
When you feel like there's a sign there on your back
Says I don't mind if ya kick me
Seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You'd think they can't get worse than that
And then they do
You step off the straight and narrow
And you don't know where you are
Use the needle of your compass
To sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie
In a bottle of Jim Beam
And she lies to you
That's when you learn the truth
If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

Well I been deep down in that darkness
I been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different demons
Breathing fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled
I'd fall right into the trap that they were laying, yeah
But the good news
Is there's angels everywhere out on the street
Holding out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one's that you've been dragging for so long
You're on your knees
You might as well be praying
Guess what I'm saying
If your going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, If you're going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

It is no secret that I...how do i put this lightly...don't care for new(er) country music. Pretty much anything after the year 2000 is on that list. Sure, there are some songs here and there that I get into, but I really can't stand some of it. This song has spoken to me on a pretty deep level. And I just don't expect that from country music.

The song is by Rodney Atkins. It's called If You're Going Through Hell. The lyrics are fantastic. Now if we could only work on the delivery. :)

Mulligan Monday: Running Blah Blah Blah

2011-03-28T10:18:00.000-04:00

I have a message for my running friends and/or supporters. I'm not really sure how to approach this.

Okay...I've mulled it over.

STOP LETTING ME OFF THE HOOK FOR SKIPPING RUNS.

Seriously.

The running itself is not causing me anxiety. The running itself is GOOD for me!!

I'm the one to blame for the anxiety. Not you. Not the running.

So, here's the deal....I'll stop being so hard on myself. And in return, you all will start badgering me about running again.

I need this, people. I just need a little kick in the ass to get back on track. When I get over the hump I may not need as much coaching/encouragement/etc. But for now, I need y'all.

Help. I just need a little help.

Whit Wednesday on Thursday: I Cheated You Yesterday

2011-03-24T14:13:00.000-04:00

Never again will I write a blog post including both funny anecdotes about Jayna and horribly depressing things about myself. I felt like I was forcing people to read sad crap when they just wanted to read funny and cute stuff. It's a brand new day. I left the melodrama in it's cage at home where it belongs. Read on!!

So, Chris had band practice last night.

That's not really what this is about. It's about the fact that he seems to miss all the funny stuff that Jayna does/says because she waits until he's gone to do/say it.

We got off to a rough start. Her new favorite phrase is, "I don't want to." And...seriously...I want to put tape over her mouth everytime she says it. It grates on my nerves THAT much.

After a few time outs and some raising of voices, we finally got on the same page. And then everything turned funny.

I love it when everything just turns funny. It's my favorite turn.

Wow...that was a longwinded way of say, "Last night my kid did and said some funny things." I sometimes like to take the long way. Especially if it means I won't get to work early. Ha.

When it rains, our dog goes crazy. Ollie has never liked rain and thunder and lightning and wind and sun...let's just say he's definitely an indoor dog. We sometimes have to pick him up (and he's 60 pounds so that's no easy task) and practically THROW him out the door when it's perfectly sunny and warm. Who really knows why? I'll tell you...NO ONE. He's just weird.

Anyhooters, it began to rain at our house last night and Ollie began his normal pacing/drooling/Chewbacca noises. Jayna inquired as to why the dog was suddenly possessed (but not in those words. Come on...she's only 2.5). I told her that the barometric pressure hurt his ears. "Mommy, what's bear-metchick?" I explained to her that the barometric pressure rises when it rains and then we went to the back door to look out at the rain. "Mommy, why is it raining?" (Ahh...the questioning toddler.) I said this: "Well, when Springtime comes, all the grass, trees, leaves and flowers need to grow. To grow, they need to drink water. Rain is Mother Nature's way of giving the grass, trees, leaves and flowers a drink so they'll all grow." That seemed to satisfy her curiosity...except for one more question about who Mother Nature was and if she had any kids. Then the rain stopped.

About an hour later, the rain began again. Ollie curled up close to Jayna on the floor to feel safe. That coupled with the fact that she could hear the rain clued her in that it was raining again. "Mommy, is it raining again?" I told her that it was. She ran to the back door to look out. "Oh...it's raining!! The flowers gonna grow. And the grass. And my swing, and my car (her Little Tykes car that we leave under the swingset) will grow!! Mommy! I go outside now so I can grow!!"

The conversation after that was a fun one. She was severely upset for a few minutes that she couldn't go outside, get rained on and grow big enough to "drive a real car." (Thanks, Nana B.)

A little later I went into my bedroom to change into sweats and a t-shirt. Of course, she followed me. She had just gotten out of the bath and was traipsing around in only a pull-up at that point. I took off my shirt and my bra and laid them on the bed and put on my t-shirt. She looked on the bed and said, "Mommy...you took off your eyebrow!!" She then grabbed my bra, held it onto her chest/belly area and walked around my bedroom saying, "Look at me mommy!! I wear your eyebrow!!" Where she got that a bra is called an eyebrow is beyond me. I'm pretty sure I laughed so hard that I peed a little. I really should've taken a picture. A 2.5-year-old walking around whilst wearing an upside down bra is hilarious.

Jayna has occasionally suffered from a condition called labial adhesion. Google it. It's...ummmm...yeah. Owie. Anyhoozy, last night it came to my attention that this was beginning to happen again. I won't go into great detail here...I asked her to lie down on the floor so I could apply some cream. When I did, the problem corrected itself and when that happens there is a certain amount of discomfort that goes along with it. While the discomfort only lasts for a day or so, that doesn't make it any less frustrating to a little girl. So when I applied the cream, she jumped up and and yelled, "It hurts!! My butt hurts!!" Ummm, yeah. That's not her butt. My predicament at the time was if I should leave it alone or actually tell her what it is that hurts and put a name to said area.

I apparently decided in my moment of insanity that she was old enough to know a proper name. I said to her, "Point to where it hurts." She simply said, "My butt hurts, mommy!!" Again, I asked her to point. She pointed up front. I said to her, "This is your butt." And I pointed to her butt. "This is your vagina." And I pointed up front. Her retort? "Well, then my thagina hurts." That's pronounced like the real word, only without a V and add a TH. And I almost peed again. So her "thagina" hurt and then she went to bed.

It still hurt a little when she peed this morning, so I said...more to myself than anyone else..."I need to remember to tell Miss Tracey or Miss Megan at school so they don't worry about you." She took that piece of information and stored it for later use.

When we arrived at school this morning, there were 3 other parents there...

It should also be said that on 99.9% of the mornings that I drop off Jayna, she is shy and doesn't talk until she's been there for around 15 minutes or so.

After she took her coat off, she looked at me and said, "Oh...mommy!! I'll tell Miss Tracey."

I was slightly confused. That is, until she started to practically YELL across the room.

"MISS TRACEY...MY GINA (pronounced like "vagina" without the "va-"), RIGHT HERE (pointing to the afflicted area), HAS BEEN HURTING."

And now, by this time, all the other parents are silent and staring at....ME.

And she continued, "My mommy put cream on my gina and said it will get better all by itself. So don't worry about me. I just wanted to tell you about my gina."

And then I fainted. Or maybe not.

The End. :)

Wednesday Whits...and Woes

2011-03-23T11:16:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the lack of blogging. I know y'all were sad to not read my blog for a whole week. :)

Last week I went to Bloomington for the conference thing on Thursday and Friday and the the weekend was packed full of junk too. Good, but packed.

WHITS

We've been talking with Jayna a lot about the change of seasons. She's super stoked that Spring is here because that means she can play outside. Yesterday she said to me, "Is it Summer yet mommy?" I told her no, it was still Spring. She said, "Can we make it Summer so I can go swimming?" :)

As we were playing outside a few days ago, Jayna heard the neighbor kid, who is around 6, call his cousin a dummy. She looked at me and said, "He said dummy. That's a bad word." She then ran over to the fence and yelled, "HEY YOU!!! You don't say 'dummy.' It's a bad word and you get a time out!!!"

I told her yesterday to "watch out for dog dirt" as she was walking through a particular spot in our yard. She said, "It's not dirt mom. THAT'S dirt." (pointed to the ground). She then walked over to some dog poop, got down close to it (her finger was about an inch away from touching it) and said, "THAT'S poop. And it stinks. And if I get it on my shoe I throw it away. Ewwwwww!!!!!"

Last night she asked me if we could trade panties. And then we had that SAME CONVERSATION about wearing only YOUR OWN panties. This can't be good, can it??

WOES

I'm full of woes today. Not sure why...just in a funk. I can't sleep. Ever. It's annoying. This happens from time to time, but this time it's lasting entirely too long. As in 3 weeks.

I am *almost* afraid to run. It's quite strange. After I was told that me putting too much pressure on myself was causing me to have the anxiety problem, I am afraid to put ANY pressure on myself. I'm looking for middle ground and I just haven't found it yet. I ran on Saturday with KT and went 4.5 miles in just under an hour. I thank her for being supportive and motivational. She was the perfect mix of a friend who cares and a coach who wants me to do my best. MY best. Not her best. MINE. That is soooo helpful. She also gave me some tips on how to make things easier on myself...including some lifestyle changes. I've done it before and I can do it again.

I'm just not sure how to do it on my own. I don't have enough confidence in myself that I could walk out my front door and run for 4.5 miles with no one there pushing me along. I WANT to. I'm just not sure I CAN. Besides becoming a parent, I'm not sure I've EVER been so unsure of myself as I am with this. Practice makes perfect, though, so I have to start trying.

My diet has gone to hell. Not diet in the sense of trying to lose weight, but just everyday diet in general. This winter was hell for me and I'm just now trying to get back on track. I was positive that I could stay at the weight I was at in October, make it through the winter, and pick up again in March to lose the last 10 or 15 pounds. Ha! Not likely. I've gained back a few...6 or 7....pounds and I now have just that much more to lose.

Something is off. Or someTHINGS are off. Have been for awhile. Don't really know what...but it would be nice to figure it out. I'm not sure I've EVER struggled this much with life in general. Somethings gotta give soon.

Random Wednesday Lists: Train of Thought

2011-03-16T11:50:00.000-04:00

Here are some random lists that are going through my head:

Things Jayna is now afraid of:

* The dark
* Shadows
* Patrick Star from Spongebob
* Any sort of mask/glasses/mustache combo
* The bathroom
* Her bedroom when no one else is in there even if the light is on
* The living room
* The hobby room
* Every room in our house except the kitchen when the light is on
* Being anywhere alone (and Ollie doesn't count as a being)
* The TV when it's turned off (I think there's a bigger problem there...)
* The TV when a recorded show ends and the screen turns blue
* Loud noises
* The wind (okay, not really...but may as well be)

Races I'm running:

* Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure - 5K In Honor of Saffron Yarbrough
* March of Dimes March for Babies - 5K Inspired to run and raise money by Kayla Aimee and baby Scarlette
* One America 500 Festival Mini Marathon - 13.1 miles...I'm aiming for half at this point
* More to come after I assess the situation after the Mini.

A few of the dreams I've had while taking Medrol (a steroid for my crazy rash):

Just a quick note about this before the list...the doctor NEVER mentioned anything about crazy dreams, but upon further research, I've discovered that it's fairly common to have very vivid nightmares/dreams while taking steroids like Prednisone or Medrol. Maybe she didn't want me to have psychosomatic side effects, but it was really scary the first night. These dreams are REAL and I wake up EVERYTIME disoriented and doing whatever motion I was doing in my dream.

* Swinging with Jayna (I woke up rocking as if I were swinging on a swing) and she fell out of the swing and got stabbed with a stick. I gasped when I woke up and checked on her. I was unsure of how we got from the backyard to our beds in such a short amount of time. I remember thinking, "She still needs a bath!!!"
* A college class about teeth in which I had to shuffle through a row of people in a lecture hall to the very last seat at the other end of the row when I could've just started at the other end. I then failed the class because all my teeth fell out in class. I woke up SITTING UP on the side of the bed and shuffling my feet on the floor while checking my mouth for teeth.
* Chris giving birth to a bouncing baby girl. I...won't go into detail. It was quite the strange dream and again...I woke up and had to check our house for another baby before I realized that I was awake and that...wait for it....CHRIS CAN'T HAVE BABIES.
* Morgan has been in almost every dream. Once he was sailing a boat. Once he was fighting a bear (we'll get to that one) and once he went to Old Indiana with me (that one's next).
* I went to Old Indiana with the Quags family, my friend Holly, Morgan and my mom. We were on our way there and got lost. We found this house that morphed into trees and plants and got so caught up in how cool it was that we forgot to go to Old Indiana and then it closed. (It is, in fact, closed, by the way.) Morgan just constantly barked at the morphing house.
* I went on vacation with Chris, Jayna, Michelle R., Ellie and some other people. Jayna and Ellie were running back and forth in front of a HUGE window. An old lady yelled at them for running in the hall so they ran THROUGH the window instead just to piss her off. They were completely unharmed, but they knocked over a fish tank in the process and I woke up picking up fish off of our bed.
* And last night...I had some people over to my house to have a backyard party (it was actually my mom's backyard). There was a bear in my backyard. We blocked the deck with a baby gate so the bear wouldn't get us. He came around to the other deck entrance and Morgan attacked the bear. The bear was then really pissed off so I yelled at it and told it to go away and it went and hid behind our shed. I woke up sweating and REALLY scared because while I was asleep having a dream about a bear that I **should have** been afraid of, I wasn't afraid of it in the dream. My half-awake self was telling my subconscious dream self to be afraid of the bear. I was afraid for my OWN life in my OWN dream. I'm probably doing a shitty job of explaining that, but it was really crazy.

What I need at the grocery store/Target:

* Eggs
* Jayna's milk
* Cranberry juice
* Potato chips
* Hot dog buns
* Six pack of beer
* Body wash
* Listerine
* Oatmeal

Do YOU have a list to make??

Melancholy Monday: Me

2011-03-14T11:49:00.000-04:00

I've realized that I don't just write directly about myself very often. I write about things I do and about my kid and my dogs and my husband and other things, but I don't write just about me. As in, "Hey there!! How ya doin, kid??" And then I'd answer.

Probably because I don't *like* to answer that question. My default answer would be, "I'm okay." And that makes for a pretty boring blog entry.

I've debated since last Thursday as to whether I'd even write this entry. And then as I was lying awake last night, a very profound and important answer came to me...."Whatever."

Yes, you read that right. I said, "Whatever." That was it. I asked myself a question and the answer I received back was, "Whatever." And at 3:30am, it seemed very profound.

So apparently I'm okay with writing about this now.

I supposed I just needed 3 or 4 days to process everything.

And it is highly likely that I'm making this a bigger deal than it is. Which is, in turn, probably why I've typed 2 dozen sentences and y'all don't even know what I'm talking about yet.

Last Thursday I had my annual doctor visit with my women's health doctor. No, not JUST the lady doctor...she does way more than that. She is by far the best and most attentive doctor I've ever had.

To catch you up, there are a few things you should know. I have a rash all over my whole body. I've written about this before, but not to a great degree. It started about a week after I began running (which is why it's always been attributed to sweat/heat). It doesn't itch. It doesn't burn. It was sort of misdiagnosed by a nurse practitioner as either heat or sweat (prickly heat) rash. I'd been applying hydrocortisone cream and water-based lotion to no avail. The stupid rash kept spreading and was getting WAY worse.

When the assistant at the doctor's office took my blood pressure and asked me a jillion questions that didn't even really seem to pertain to my health, she also asked me if I had any additional questions/concerns for the doctor. And I mentioned the rash. The doctor was going to see it anyway.

She looked at it and was immediately afraid to touch me after that. Good grief. Anyhoo, she said she'd write it down...and write it down she did.

So the doc comes in and asks me immediately, "So what is this rash??" I showed her and she actually became concerned. I then told her the story that I wrote above. She looked up a few things in a book and said, "Have you been dealing with a great deal of stress or anxiety?" Huh.

I referenced the fact that I was trying to run 13 miles. She laughed. "Oh you...you can't train from nothing to run 13 miles in only 5 months. Really." And then she asked me 20 other questions like if I'd changed my laundry detergent or body soap. Nope. Haven't changed a thing.

So then she says, "Why are you shaking your foot? Are you nervous about being here? I don't remember you ever being nervous here." I was NOT, in fact, nervous. I LOVE my doctor and I have never been afraid of doctors. Not even "that doctor."

She then said, "You're also picking at your fingernails." That didn't surprise me. If you know me, you know that I was an avid nail biter until around 4 years ago. Now I occasionally just pick at my cuticles. Classy, I know.

Then we talk about the running a little more and, seemingly out of the blue, she says, "I'm going to go get an anxiety questionaire. I think that's a good place to start." Oh dear.

She asked me loads of questions. She then asked, "Have you lost a loved one? Someone close to you?" I replied with, "I lost my best friend. My dog Morgan."

HOLY SHIT!!! Where the hell did that come from?? I didn't even tell myself to say that. Seriously. And then I started crying right there in the room with the doctor watching me and telling me that it would be okay. Geez.

I was pretty sure that I had turned a corner last month sometime. Apparently I turned right when I should've turned left.

I really didn't know that that situation was still bothering me that much.

She then may or may not have mentioned to me that I had talked about running like it was a job and not a hobby or goal. Ugh. And that I was kidding myself if I thought I'd be able to run the entire mini. While deep down I know she's right, it's really difficult to HEAR things like that.

I told her that I'd had a couple of bad days here and there, but overall I thought I was okay. She asked me to explain my worst day. After talking about that day, she said, "You know, it sounds like you were on the edge of a panic attack." Woah.

She then diagnosed my rash as something that was 5 words long, had only 2 vowels, and was almost unable to be pronounced. And she said, "This rash, like most, is HIGHLY exacerbated by stress and anxiety. I've not seen it to this degree." Oh.

So she took some blood, or a LOT of it, and told me she'd also test me for a battery of things in case the anxiety and rash were part of a bigger problem. After 9 tubes, I got a little antsy. What was she testing me for??

I never did get a straight answer on that as the phlebotomist wasn't at liberty to answer my questions. My doctor just kept telling me, "When I see you again in 3 months, you'll be a brand new person. I just KNOW it!!"

Two prescriptions for the rash and an anxiety med that I can take only if I feel I need it. I'm okay with all of that.

I've never had problems with stress or anxiety to the degree that a doctor noticed. My doctor also did not pressure me to take anti-depressants or anxiety meds. She said it was only one of many options and gave me the run-down on what she thought would help. First and foremost...I should reduce the amount of self-imposed stress.

I struggled with that a first, as it basically means that I have to stop with running goals that are, at this time, out of my reach. I've since re-evaluated my life, my limits (time and physical) and my sanity. They're all sort of in the crapper right now. So a re-evaluation was needed.

My life right now will NOT allow me to train hard enough to run the bulk of the mini. I have a family and a job and shit to do. Seriously. My time limits are being tested on a daily basis as I struggle with making time to go to the gym or run outside. My physical limits are being tested on account of the fact that I went from pretty much NO exercised to a WHOLE BUNCH of it. My right knee is currently in a compression brace to stop the ache. And these days it seems that I LIVE on the edge of sanity. Which means insanity is right over the line I'm toeing.

I can't keep up with myself. It's so much more than frustrating that I can't even put it into words.

I NEVER want running to become a chore. I LOVE it and I want to continue doing it for a LOT of years. I want to run mini-marathons and 5Ks and such and have fun. And be healthy. I don't want to be a ball of anxiety that forces herself to go to the gym for the sake of being there. That's not how I do.

Where does this leave me?

No more running stress. More realistic goals. Less worrying if I don't exactly reach those goals.

I've now committed myself to 3 training days a week. I'll do 2 weekdays and one weekend day. I'll do short runs on the weekdays and a long run on the weekend. That's what I can do at this point. Time with my growing child who will NOT be a toddler forever is WAY more important to me than a stupid race.

My short(er) term goal is to run 6.5 miles of the mini. That's around half. If I do that all at once...awesome. If I do 2 or 3 shorter runs...awesome.

Long term goal? What is THAT??? :) Long term goal is to run the 2012 mini and....run THE WHOLE THING. Seriously. Y'all just watch.

In regards to Morgan...time. And hugs. If you see me, it's highly likely that I'll need a hug. If I cry, don't feel bad. I'm just crying tears of joy that I have good friends and family who allow me to be crazy but then help bring me back to earth. And don't judge me the whole time. :)

I love you all.

Five For Friday: Things That Make Me LOL

2011-03-11T11:52:00.000-05:00

No, not "little old lady." Although I do crochet, drink tea and...nevermind. I digress.

Laugh out loud. Not like how everyone haphazardly puts it on Facebook and Twitter. These are things that quite literally make me laugh out loud. On occasion at work. Lots of times while I'm waiting at various places and reading blogs on my phone (thank you DYAC for embarrassing me in the doctor's office waiting room yesterday). It's almost always embarrassing because I almost always read these things whilst NOT at home in privacy.

I've had a rough week. All around rough. So have many of my friends and family who read this blog. I urge you to go check out these links. They are hilarious and you'll love them. And then we'll get back to business after a relaxing weekend.

Without further adieu, I present to you in no particular order: Five for Friday: Things that make me do any/all of the following: laugh out loud, pee a little, choke on my soda, cry. (How's THAT for a title?!?)

Damn You Auto Correct. There is nothing funnier to me than MadLibs. Not when you *try* to make them funny, but when they're just funny on accident. Auto correct creates Madlibs for you...and they're usually hilarious. When I first heard of the site I was skeptical thinking that they'd all be sexually loaded and false. Now that I've fallen victim to auto correct, I know that some of these are true...and as it turns out, the NON-sexual ones are usually the funniest. One of my favorites: Brown Chicken Brown Cowwwww. Nothing like some farm porn music.
The Oatmeal. I first started reading The Oatmeal when a Facebook friend posted to his wall a chart of annoying Facebook people. You know me...I was hooked after that. I have a list 3 miles long. One of my favorites: 10 Words You Need to Stop Misspelling. I see most of these atleast once a day.
Hyperbole and a Half. An awesome writer AND funny?? Sign me up!! I just started reading this blog after a Facebook friend posted it to her wall and I can't stop. I've been going through archives and all of her posts are laugh out loud hilarious. Hell, even her drawings make me cry. One of my favorites: Dog. I can totally relate to that post, you know...because Ollie is a little "challenged."
Fail Blog. While most of the Fail Blog brings me to tears, there are some things on there that are ridiculous. That one needs a little more sorting in my mind. One of my favorites: WIN: Rock, Paper, Scissors. My sentiment exactly.
Steam Me Up, Kid. WARNING: You will need a sick sense of humor. If you're a friend of mine, then you'll most likely love it. One of my favorites: A Meme is a Wish Your Heart Makes, which happens to also be the newest post. Love love love the gun pointing scenarios and the captions to go along with them.

What's my point with all of this?? Well, you know you don't REALLY want to work. Or clean. Or go to the gym. Or whatever it is that you're avoiding by sitting in front of your computer/phone/device with an internet connection. You could just as easily click those links, laugh out loud, get out your finger guns and then go buy beer and put it in the fridge so it's cold for later. Seriously...gym or beer later?? You make that call.

Whit Wednesday: Neither Here Nor There

2011-03-09T10:59:00.000-05:00

Just a bunch of randoms:

Last week, Jayna tricked me into letting her stay home from school...but then it ended up NOT being a trick. At any rate, I ended up bringing her to work with me on Thursday. Once we got here, she was...fine. Tricky little girl. She was playing with my mom at one point and just all of the sudden blurted out, "I'm gonna go have a beer." What?!? Weird.
When Chris had his band gig in Martinsville, I told Jayna that we were going to see daddy play guitar with the band. She told EVERYONE, including her preschool teachers, that, "I go see daddy play guitar at Target." I still have no idea why she thought he was playing at Target. Maybe we go there too much. Nah...that can't be it.
Okay...an audible one: say out loud the word "pupil." And now say it again and subtract the "-il" sound at the end. That is how Jayna says the word poop. And it's hilarious everytime. "Mommy, I have to p-you-p really bad." Oy. And laughter ensues.
I asked her yesterday, "Baby, are you okay?" She replied, "Yeah, hun. I'm okay." :)
Over the weekend Jayna was coughing alot. We were instructed to give her saline and/or albuterol breathing treatments if her cough kept up. I gave her a saline treatment Monday morning with the nebulizer and I forgot to unplug it. She came running to me, "Mommy! Mommy! My machine...you forgot to plug it out!!"
When we went to get her antibiotic, she told the pharmacist, "I need feel betters cuz I'm sick in my throat." I found that insanely hilarious.
She recently started referring to Oliver as "my buddy Oliver." As in, "Mommy, where's my buddy Oliver?? Is he on your bed? I tell him to get down."

That kid cracks me up and melts my heart every darn day. :)

Progress Report: Week 9

2011-03-08T13:55:00.000-05:00

Sooo...2/28-3/6. Yikes.

I'd like to say that this was a bad week, but it wasn't. I didn't get in the mileage or time that I wanted, but I got alot of useful information, help and support from friends and family. And it always helps to know that there are people in your corner.

Monday 2/28- 31 minutes and around 2.5 miles on the treadmill. Still at a 12:45 pace. I got a call from Jayna's school and I had to go get her early. Frustrating that I had to leave early. I felt good when I left, but I felt like I didn't finish the run.

On Monday, I expressed on Facebook that I was having a little trouble. Okay, ALOT of trouble. I'm just still trying to figure things out. I got alot of great feedback from a couple of running friends and it has been a tremendous help. One piece of advice is to run on the treadmill at a 1% incline to account for wind resistance. That advice was invaluable. When I added the incline I noticed that the run immediately became more similar to an outdoor run in terms of my hips and knees.

Thursday 3/3- 19 minutes and around 1.5 miles through the neighborhood. I originally thought I'd gone further, but after driving it, it was around 1.5. That's better as it keeps me on pace. More learning on this day. It was still a little chilly out and my lungs....hurt. My muscles and my brain were okay.

What I took away from this run is that I canNOT map out runs. I just need to...run. Like Forrest. :) Run length of 35 minutes, run 17 minutes out and 17 minutes back.

Saturday 3/5- Long run day. 61 minutes and 4.65 miles. Incline at 1%. That felt good!! Around 13:00 mile pace, so just a tad slower than usual. But I'm okay with that because I RAN FOR AN HOUR. I did stop for around 90 seconds in the middle to catch my breath, but that's all!! My goal was 70 minutes and as soon as I stepped off that treadmill at 61 minutes, I was kicking myself in the ass. Just. 9. More. Minutes. I'll get there.

Lesson from this one?? You just know there's a lesson. Focus on the minutes. I hid the miles on the display. I focused ONLY on minutes. And it was sort of liberating. I ran at the incline and varied my pace depending on how I felt instead of running a flat pace the entire time. And I think it was a success.

I was on schedule to run Sunday, but that didn't happen. Conference class preparation and a sick child kept me away. So, I'm including Monday 3/7 because it was supposed to be my last 35 minute run of Week 9.

Monday 3/7- 33 minutes outdoors. Distance unknown. To be honest, I don't even remember the route so I'm not even sure I could drive it or map it at this point. Difficult but felt good. Less stress on my knees and hips. Pretty uneventful except for some heckling from some teenage boys. :)

Lesson: I canNOT run in my neighborhood. Not yet. I live in a neighborhood that is comprised of only 2 streets and a series of courts. It seems that I can't get far enough away from my "safety zone" (my house) to be motivated enough to run longer times. I basically have to run the circle that is my neighborhood forcing me to pass my house every 1.2 miles or so. I know myself too well...if I get too tired or frustrated, I'll just...go home. So, running at the park it is. I'll try that a few times and see what happens.

For those of you that know me well, this is a HUGE lifestyle change for me. But I feel really good about it. I'll stick with it and keep trying. And I'll continue to work on the trial and error system until I find something that works for me.

Up this week-3/7 to 3/13- Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday for 40 minutes and Saturday for 80 minutes. Yep, 80. Have faith, people.

Mulligan Monday: I need a do-over.

2011-03-07T13:46:00.000-05:00

Yikes. Rough day...but only mentally.

I can't focus on anything. I'm really preoccupied with a situation that happened over the weekend and I'm pretty sure that I will not rest easily until the mystery is solved.

Jayna has been sick. She has strep. That means she's been eating lots of junk food and watching hours of television. Seriously. What else is there to do when you're sick?? If she gets too worked up, she starts coughing to the point of gagging, so cuddled on the couch it is.

She was dilligently watching Spongebob on Saturday afternoon while eating her lunch. I was in the shower as I had just gotten back from a long and sweaty run. Chris was loading the dishwasher. While in the middle of my shower I heard a terrified scream from the living room. I yelled out of the shower (because, yes, the door was open. I don't get an ounce of privacy at home) to make sure she was okay. Chris' reply was, "Yes, Patrick looked a little bit scary." Which was what Jayna had reported to him.

That kid was absolutely horrified. I've never heard her scream like that from being afraid. It made me nervous.

I asked Chris about the situation and he said, "Yeah...he was sort of creepy looking. He had weird eyebrows and a goatee and his face was really chiseled. Sort of freaky." So not only did it scare the shit out of a 2-year-old, it freaked out an adult. I asked about which episode it was because I wanted to investigate further and see for myself if this was something to be afraid of or if this was like when Jayna decided she was afraid of shadows. And......I can't find it.

The information I have is as follows: It was at the very beginning of the episode. Spongebob and Patrick were in what Chris thought was a bar (presumably the ice cream place or the Weenie Hut). Spongebob was teary-eyed like he was going to cry or had just cried. And then it cut to Patrick with this weird eyebrow/goatee/facial structure thing going on.

And then the kid screamed with terror.

In the past 48 hours I've watched no less than 30 episodes of Spongebob.

Until I solve this, I'm not sure I can blog about anything else. Seriously. It's consuming me.

That doesn't make me weird, right? RIGHT?!?

Translation Tuesday: What Toddlers Say vs. What Toddlers Mean

2011-03-01T11:40:00.000-05:00

***WARNING: This post is NOT for those of you with weak stomachs. You've been properly advised.***

Jayna has been sick. Not fever, infection, runny nose sick. Just diarrhea sick. That's all. Nothing else.

And it's frustrating. Having a 2-year-old who is right on the edge of being potty trained who then gets diarrhea is a nightmare.

She's been having episodes since Saturday evening. I'm beginning to think she has a shellfish allergy, but I really don't want to test my theory just yet. And I'm sort of tired of cleaning up poop for now.

Sunday was pretty good. She was sort of lethargic most of the day, but we just thought she was tired from a busy weekend. But right before bed, she had the diarrhea episode of her life. Fun. And then she went to sleep immediately and woke up with a dry pull up on Monday morning. She never said anything about her tummy hurting or anything. She ate breakfast well and behaved all morning.

I got off work about half an hour early yesterday and I went to the gym. I was anticipating to run a long run since I was off early. On a whim, I took my phone in with me. I NEVER take my phone into the gym. There is too much temptation there. And I can't concentrate on running when I'm just...running. Having my phone there with me to constantly look at would be trouble.

Anyhoozy, I took my phone in with me yesterday thinking I'd need it for some reason. Precisely 2.4 miles into a run that I anticipated being a 4 or 5 miles long, I saw my phone light up. It was Jayna's preschool. She'd had 2 diarrhea episodes and "wanted to go home and lie on the couch." Translation: "go home and watch Spongebob while asking mommy to do everything from getting juice and crackers to picking up said crackers after they're properly spilled all over the floor."

I took her home and she promptly wanted to "rest on mommy's bed because my belly hurts." Which translates to "watch television while romping around under the covers with the dog and generally messing up everything in mommy and daddy's room while only whining that my tummy hurts when mommy tells me that I'm acting like I feel better so I can watch television in the living room."   Yikes. A little girl with diarrhea and only a pair of Tinkerbell panties in between her bottom and my sheets made my anxiety level rise like no other.

I proceeded to ask her approximately 37.5 times if she had to potty. She told me the last time, "I go potty when I have to go mommy. I don't have to go right now." Which translates to, "Leave me alone, lady!! How do you expect me to follow the story line of iCarly if you're blabbing in my ear???" (Yes, she watches iCarly. She asks to watch it and I'll let her watch iCarly over Spongebob any freakin day of the week.)

So, I went to the kitchen and left her alone. She came in about 3 minutes later and said, "Mommy, don't ask me that again. I don't have to go. I go when I have to. Don't ask me anymore." Translation, anyone? "I'm potty trained, you crazy person. YOU wanted me to be potty trained and now I am and you STILL won't leave me alone. Please, for the love of cheese, have some freaking confidence in me."

I told her that I wouldn't ask her anymore. She stayed in the kitchen with me saying, "I help mommy with dinner." Translation: "I'll stand on my stool and drop things off the counter and laugh hysterically." She was standing there on her stool when all of a sudden she said, "Uh oh...I better go to the potty. NOW!!!!!!!!!" And then she darted for the bathroom. Translation: "I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT AND THERE IS ABOUT TO BE A MESS TO CLEAN UP!!!!!!!!"

I followed her around the corner only to see her taking off her panties ON THE CARPET outside of the bathroom. And then she couldn't control it....

I think you know what happened then. I won't go into extreme detail here.

She sat down on the potty to finish her business and then just looked up at me. She said, "I got poop on my hand mommy. And on my leg and on the floor. And the rug.  Poop all over mommy. I need to wash it off. I go poop in my panties. I bad. I sorry mommy. I sorry." Translation??

Before we translate that one, I'd like it to be known that we have NEVER told her she is bad for going in her pull up or diaper or panties. NEVER.

Resume translation: "I have poop all over me. I need a bath. And my panties will need to be washed as will the carpet. And the rug. And everything else in the hallway and bathroom. And I am sorry I disappointed you, mom. I'm really sorry."

Sometimes they really do say what they mean.

What that kid doesn't understand is that I will never be disappointed in her for having a true-to-her-word accident.

I just replied. "Jaynie, I still love you. I will always love you. You are NOT bad. You are a good girl and you tried to get to the potty. Everything can be cleaned up. We'll wash it all. Starting with you."

And that's what we did.

Gaining the skill to translate from "2-Year-Old" to "Adult" is a good skill to have. But sometimes no translation is needed. Being able to tell the difference is a trait of a loving and patient parent.  This goes down as a win.

Progress Report: Week 8

2011-03-01T10:58:00.000-05:00

Last week (2/21-2/27) was...busy. I think I've determined what the immediate problems are regarding ME and TRAINING FOR A MINI-MARATHON. It's a vicious circle. No, really. It's a circle. Let's have a numbered list, shall we?

I've made what I call tremendous progress in 2 months. That gave me a false sense of security.
Having a false sense of security then led me to commit a little less to the training.
Committing less to the training has forced me to remember that even though I can run 4 miles, a mini-marathon is 13 miles. And I have 2 months to get into gear and show this bitch (the mini) who is boss (ME).
I will hit the training hard and then gain a false sense of security again.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

See?!? It's truly a circle. Aaaaand....on to the ~~lack of~~ progress for last week.

Monday and Wednesday were pretty identical. I ran 3 miles each day at 4.7 mph...a 12:45 mile. Not bad. Except that's where it ended for me.

I went Wednesday to Monday with no running. And that...that nearly killed me yesterday.

I'll get there. I have to keep reminding myself that my first mini will NOT be the best. But it's a start.

Five For Friday: When the Weather is Fine

2011-02-25T14:14:00.000-05:00

I am completely 100% over winter....as is everyone else in the midwest. And on the east coast. Okay, so pretty much everyone. Anyhooters....

I don't want to talk about winter anymore. You know, how much I hate it or how much I want it to be over or how I'd like to grab Mother Nature by the throat and slam her against a wall. I want to talk about....spring. And summer. And hell, even autumn at this point.

Here it is: Five for Friday: Things I'm going to do when nature is done crapping on me.

Run outside. I'm pretty tired of the scenery at the gym. That Misfits t-shirt sure does need a good washing. I'm itching to get outside and get some fresh air during the run.
Go to Erik and Janette's wedding in Tennessee. It will be nice to get away for a couple of days, see some friends that we don't get to see enough and enjoy the scenery of the Smokey Mountains. I'm excited for them!
Play paintball. There's nothing like shooting your friends. Seriously. :)
Take my dog places. He's sick of the house and the backyard...especially since he doesn't have a buddy anymore. He'll by beside himself when we're able to go to the park regularly again.
Host a party at my house just for adults when there is NOT a burn ban. You know, that would only happen to me. And people will show up dammit!!

And a bonus: Swing with Jaynie. It's her favorite thing. :)

What are YOU going to do when the dog days are over?

November Six Pix

2011-02-23T13:29:00.000-05:00

More catching up.

Compared to October, November was a boring month. We did have one fun outing with some friends and a few get togethers with family. Unfortunately, my camera malfunctioned and 90% of the pictures from Thanksgiving Day are...gone. I have no idea what happened. I had some good ones of Jayna and her Aunt Aimee and Uncle Steve and some others of Jayna and her Pawpaw and Cousin Anthony. The pictures are just gone. Without a trace. Into thin air. You get the idea.

So, since some of the most important pictures from the month are, as mentioned above, gone, this is what I've got:

This is Jayna's self-proclaimed "party hat." She wanted a new hat for winter and when asked what sort of hat she wanted, she said, "A party hat, mommy." How was I supposed to NOT make her one?? Look how happy she is. :)

And there's the ketchup!! This was taken at Kilroy's. That's Jake and Michelle, Chris and me. I think I have a picture of every single one of my friends wearing those ridiculous glasses. Note the Crystal Blue down at the bottom.

While the rest of us decorated for Christmas on the day after Thanksgiving, Chris caught a nap with Deuce. Looks pretty relaxing. Nothing like helping a 2-year-old hang ornaments on a tree.

**Heavy sigh.** I will miss 2-year-old Jayna. My heart aches when I see this picture.

On Thanksgiving, it is customary to read "The Night Before Christmas" and "A Charlie Brown Christmas" at my parent's house. Pawpaw loves to read those stories to the kiddos. (This is the one picture I have of Thanksgiving. I also remember it being the last picture I took that day. Weird.)

Girls. At Kilroy's. Drinking Crystal Blues. KT, MZQ, me, Laura. Love these girls. :)

What did YOU do in November?

A Random Wednesday List

2011-02-23T11:31:00.000-05:00

No alliteration. No real subject. Just a...well, a random list written on a Wednesday.

When you're asked if you want one thing or another thing and you really want both, it is common 2-year-old practice to combine the 2 words instead of just say the word "both." Examples: "Jayna, do you want sausage or bacon?" Reply: "Snacon." And "Jayna do you want a hot dog or chicken nuggets?" Reply: "A chicken dog." And "Jayna do you want your party hat (colorful hat with pom poms) or your white hat?" Reply: "My wharty hat." See?? I don't see a thing wrong with that.
Lifetime, the television station, has been running a documentary about Tupac. You know, the rapper? Since when did Lifetime's target audience include people who care about Tupac? Just an observation.
I made my own household all-purpose cleaner yesterday. It worked outstandingly on bathroom counters and sinks and in the kitchen. And it's CHEAP.
The year 2011 is almost 17% over. What have YOU done??
I am apparently a non music runner. I ran on Monday with no music and I did much better when I could hear my feet and my breathing. Ran a full 3 without feeling the imminence of death. :)
I am still editing and posting pictures from Christmas. What the hell is wrong with me???
Jayna's preschool is getting a new teacher. Ms. Meghan (Jayna's favorite) is moving to California until October. The "Meet the Teacher Open House" is on Saturday from 12pm to 2pm...right at naptime. I'm sure a tired and overstimulated 2-year-old Jayna will make a wonderful impression on this new person. :)

October Six Pix

2011-02-21T15:12:00.000-05:00

I could give you 3 million reasons that I haven't uploaded any photos for...well, ever. But I won't.

I'll catch up here in the next couple of weeks.

So here goes for October. A month full of family and friends and candy!!! (in no particular order)

Waterman's Farm Market for the Fall Festival/Pumpkin Patch. It was so hot that it seemed very WRONG to be at a pumpkin patch. We left early because we were all so miserable.

First Zoo Boo trip after making a phone book flower. My sweet little red riding hood. She's just adorable in this picture to me. :)

Posing with her "puffy vest." Michelle R, if you're reading, I think she's seen too many pictures of Ellie and her modeling!! She looks so grown up here.

"Hey, doll!" Daddy and Jaynie being silly.

Biplane ride...it was about 40 degrees. It would've been nice if the weather at the pumpkin patch and the weather at the biplane ride were reversed. I still had soo much fun!

This picture is what I've always wanted trick-or-treating on Halloween to look like. You see all those kids walking down the sidewalk in front of Jayna?? A real community! I didn't really see that growing up as I lived on a street without alot of kids and no sidewalks. It's almost like it's out of a movie.

I know it's called SIX pix, but we have 2 guest appearances this month:

That sweet little monkey is Tucker. He is the little boy of our friends Troy and Katie. He is just about a week older than Jayna and they got along perfectly. This is from our second trip to Zoo Boo.

This is my good friend KT. I love this picture because I have no idea what made me look sooo serious in those ridiculous glasses and I have no idea what KT thinks is so funny. :)

What did YOU do in October?

Progress Report: Week 7

2011-02-21T11:23:00.000-05:00

No more daily gym updates. That was getting to be too much for me. I can't even find the time to blog twice a week and I don't want my entire blog to be about running. Seriously.

Last week (2/14 to 2/20/11) was good. And then bad. And then good again.

Roller coasters are my favorite. Especially when I'm striving for consistency.

I had good intentions of running outside last week. It was freezing a couple of days and I've been fighting some cold/flu/allergy issues, so I was just happy that the gym provided a warm place where I could run and breathe. I ran at the gym all 3 days...Monday, Thursday and Saturday.

On Monday I ran a continuous 2.5 miles. I ran at 4.7 mph, so that put me at a 12:45 minute mile. That put me at 31.1 continuous minutes of running. And my lungs rebeled. So did my heart. But I did it and now it's easier. It seems that once I run a certain distance one time that it almost (I said almost) instantly becomes easier. I've been told that it's because I was better than I thought at the beginning and I'm still learning my limits...you know, starting from scratch and all.

On Tuesday I woke up sick and missed Tuesday and Wednesday. I went back, apparently prematurely, on Thursday and could only get in a mile before I nearly collapsed. I had a coughing fit that caused the very helpful and concerned girl next to me to take out her headphones and asked if she could "get my inhaler." She was just sure I was having an asthma attack. I assured her that I do not, in fact, have asthma and I just had a really horrendous cold. I left mainly out of embarrassment. I probably could've recovered and ran another mile, but I was way off my game and just wanted to go home.

By Saturday I was feeling 100% better, so I went with the intention of running 3 miles. I took Benadryl before I went for an allergy-related issue and I'm pretty sure that that's the worst thing I could ever do. I'll just have to suffer the allergies. I began like I do everytime and at half of a mile, I was light-headed and crampy and SUPER EFFIN' PISSED because of those things. I was doubled over in pain from the chest/side cramping and I thought I was pretty close to passing out. I pushed the dreaded stop button and just stood there doubled over and close to tears. I was sooooo angry at myself.

Just as I was gathering my things to leave, one of the trainers at my gym that I see everytime I'm there noticed that I was having less than a stellar workout and said to me as he walked by, "Don't go anywhere. I'll be back in a minute. Start walking again." So I followed directions.

He came back and gave me the motivational speech of a lifetime. I offered to hire him to go with me to the Mini, but he's also running. It also helps that he has actually witnessed all of my progress since he works there. He also gave me some pointers that I'd already been given by various people about breathing and stride and such. He said I was doing things right by taking it slow and that if I just stick with it I won't fail. I was told that "you don't need to one-up yourself EVERYTIME you run...if you do that you'll get frustrated and want to quit. Try only upping mileage or speed every couple of runs." It was nice that at that very moment I had someone on my side. :)

I ended up running another 2.25 miles. Thank you, Ryan.

So, there you have it. Up. Then down. Then up again. Here's to a new week of much needed consistency.